Does anyone else lead a boring, non Instagram-ready life?

[Scion286]

So many of my friends put so much effort into creating ‘special memories’ with their families. Things like out door film nights with proper popcorn containers, ice creams during the interval, colourful cushions and fairy lights. Recreating summer holidays in their back gardens with paddling pools, inflatables, cocktails. Adventure walks with specially prepared rucksacks. Camping in the back garden etc.

It all looks so lovely and such great fun, I know Instagram’s only a screen shot of someone’s life but I feel like I’m not making any kind of special effort. My child’s childhood is basically a replica of mine (which I must admit was very stable and happy but nothing particularly special). We work, go to school, eat tea, watch tv, bath and bed. Walk the dog, visit family and have a treat about once a month (pre lockdown) of cinema, bowling, that type of thing. Holiday abroad once a year and cottage in the UK once a year.

I never do anything particularly special though. It’s just normal, mundane life. I don’t know if I should make more effort or wether we’re just fine as we are!

Me. Very similar life to you. I don't feel the need to justify my parenting on social media. I spend time with my kids. I don't feel they are missing out in a fake life. I unfollowed people doing this because I knew the reality. It's all for show for other people.

You are absolutely fine. I dont know how some people find time for all this 'making memories' nonsense posts. Not real life. You see what people want you to see. Most kids are happy with simple stuff.

I think I’m probably one of these people but i promise in between my Instagram posts our lives are very normal. DP works extremely long hours so I spend a lot of time at home on my own. I love to plan things and organise absolutely anything so will always put loads of effort into whatever we do.

For example if we have friends over for an afternoon I’ll spend the evening before baking and coming up with cocktail recipes to serve.

Or if DP has a weekend off we’ll go all out with maybe a night in a hotel, a show and a nice dinner.

So I do post these things for friends and family to see but only because I love doing it all. And it’s really only once every couple of weeks. If DP had his way we’d get takeaways and watch a film at home

Tbh, I think most people go through all that effort for the aesthetics of their social media posts. It's not really about the children. Sure they love their kids but I can almost guarantee the grandiose efforts would not exist if social media didn't.

I’m never, ever going to be stringing up fairy lights and bunting purely for my own amusement. That would just be another job for me and add no enjoyment to my life. I don’t post on social media so no one else would see it apart from my immediate family who I doubt would give a shit.

Tour life sounds lovely OP.

We are lucky to live quite rurally and spend a lot of time trying to wear our toddler out in the pretty countryside so in that respect I get some lovely insta-worthy photos but I’m lazy as sin and would never organise special sensory activities with colour coded baskets or have beautiful bamboo crockery for well presented toddler meals.

Probably a mixture of both, simple memories & elaborate memories. I'll often take photos of mundane happenings that still look aesthetically pleasing because of clever composition, or good lighting. But I really enjoy photography and am pretty decent with a pencil and paintbrush, so it just appeals to my artistic side. I certainly don't post images on my SM to try and make other people feel inadequate or whatever. Having said that, I'm off to Paris next month with DD and that will be one long Instagramable montage, if she's in charge

I am not on instagram and my Facebook posts show my very house and my DC often with unbrushed hair looking a state. I don't have the time or strength for "making memories." I am just trying to hold things together. We only occasionally go on days out and only one holiday a year. Even in lockdown we don't do wonderful projects.

What happens in the in-between moments interests me. When you have set the moment and built it and captured it, is it really as fun or happy or beautiful as you are making it out to be? If not, what is the reason for portraying it as so? If true, what is the reason for sharing it with other than the direct participants? What's really going on here?

I am not on social media anymore, partly because this sort of thing made me feel a bit crap. It's not that I begrudge other people their perfect days, I just didn't want to suddenly feel like shit about my average one that I had up to that point quite enjoyed!

I honestly think that if you’re stopping to record things for social media, you’re at ding outside of yourself and observing rather than living, and if you’re sharing “family activities” with the world then they’re not really family activities at all; they’re performances, and all the trimmings are props.

I wouldn’t want to live my life like that, and I doubt it’s any thinking persons idea of an idyllic childhood, either. My favourite memories from childhood are enjoying the fairly ordinary things, like gardening, museums, painting (decorating) and hopscotch, not the parties or special organised events.

Surely you understand that different people enjoy different things though? Some people like doing all of that and some don't.

Fuck social media; no joy comes from comparing our life to someone else's. Just make sure you're happy with the life you lead and ignore everything else.

The photo is one moment.

The other millions of moments are what count. Staying up til 1am and aching all over with a baby who won't sleep. Cuddling the toddler for the 5th time that day as they have yet another meltdown over nothing and struggling to hold back a meltdown yourself. Cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd time in a week, picking bits of food out of the cooker and scrubbing. Staring blankly in the fridge trying to work out yet another meal that stands half a chance of actually being eaten by everyone. Letting the 5 year old watch 10 episodes of peppa pig just so you can have some time where they are not talking at you, because you have had enough enough enough.

They are not posting photos of those.

You are not doing it wrong. You're doing admirably. Carry on

I deleted Instagram as it just made me feel like the shittest mum with the shittest kids. I'm more "everybody fed, no one dead" kind of mum. And as pp said, stringing up bunting and lights just means more shite to tidy up after. Everyone is different, and that's OK.

Also I have no idea how people find the time to plan and execute those elaborate experiences.

Unless they are using the aforementioned 10 peppa pig technique

@Starthere

The photo is one moment.

The other millions of moments are what count. Staying up til 1am and aching all over with a baby who won't sleep. Cuddling the toddler for the 5th time that day as they have yet another meltdown over nothing and struggling to hold back a meltdown yourself. Cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd time in a week, picking bits of food out of the cooker and scrubbing. Staring blankly in the fridge trying to work out yet another meal that stands half a chance of actually being eaten by everyone. Letting the 5 year old watch 10 episodes of peppa pig just so you can have some time where they are not talking at you, because you have had enough enough enough.

They are not posting photos of those.

You are not doing it wrong. You're doing admirably. Carry on

Well said 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

I assume that the people who choreograph their every fart into a carefully-filtered, fairy-lit Instagram post are superficial, image-obsessed control freaks who probably think LIVE LAUGH LOVE and YOLO are evidence of Deep Thinking, especially if stencilled on your kitchen wall.

There was/is a US ‘mommy blogger’ called Kelle Hampton I became briefly aware of because she blogged about her daughter’s Down Syndrome. But what I most remember about her are demented, heavily sponsored bits of window-dressing, like dragging a big wooden dresser out into the woods to stage a photo of her children Baking In Nature (with adorable smudges of flour and cute aprons), and that she got a friend to send her a huge box of carefully-chosen autumn leave every year so that she could stage Fall in Florida, with her children twirling and leaf-kicking in stripy tights. No occasion cannot be monetised.

I am probably one of these people but my life is very normal, but I'm also quite creative and enjoy putting things together and taking pictures. I work in marketing and I think creativity, creating and aesthetics just occurs naturally to me. Of course there's also all this shit behind the scenes. FWIW I hate the term making memories. I just like making things

A friend of mine posts beautiful cards that her children have made for Fathers Day and so on. Her kids are 2 and 4. There is no way they have made these amazing cards themselves. My kids were let loose with some paint and glitter for Father's Day, they had fun and made a big mess and the cards look like an explosion in a glitter factory. I felt they were a but inadequate compared with the ones on Insta and Pinterest etc but dh loved them. Far more than if I had made them "perfectly".

My life is spectacularly interesting.

None of it is on Instagram, because I have better things to do.

I do not care about social scenes Facebook, Instagram just don’t get it.

I think posting that stuff is so needy. SM has really created a fucked up aesthetic.

I have never posted anything on Instagram or FB. I certainly wouldn't dream of putting any pictures of my family up anywhere.

I actually would be very wary of anyone creating an image to replicate for others to admire.

It strikes me as extremely vacuous.

It most certainly is not about the children IMO.

Trying to replicate a perfect image shot of family is the surest indicator to me you don't have one.

I think I'm very lucky if a get a few decent shots of us all annually.

I post on FB, it's a lovely way to document what we are up to. We've lost someone close this year and I'm so incredibly glad we have all those FB memories, both theirs of all their friends/places they went and ours. Yes, of course we could make sure we back up our cameras/pictures online, but I've lost years before not doing that. FB is storage as far as I'm concerned, and a way to keep in touch with my close family and any friends that are interested.

It's not vacuous to post a picture of your own self or your children to your friends! My pictures aren't fancy, they are of ordinary things, like if we are gardening, or go for a walk somewhere lovely- and other people post stuff like that too, which I enjoy. I never post without my children's permission though for any photos they are in.

The best thing is if you don't like SM, you don't have to do it. Why you would then spend time running down those that do is a mystery to me, although I didn't use FB for years, so I can understand it's not at all essential. There's nothing to be proud of though, not being on FB!