Does anyone else lead a boring, non Instagram-ready life?

[Scion286]

So many of my friends put so much effort into creating ‘special memories’ with their families. Things like out door film nights with proper popcorn containers, ice creams during the interval, colourful cushions and fairy lights. Recreating summer holidays in their back gardens with paddling pools, inflatables, cocktails. Adventure walks with specially prepared rucksacks. Camping in the back garden etc.

It all looks so lovely and such great fun, I know Instagram’s only a screen shot of someone’s life but I feel like I’m not making any kind of special effort. My child’s childhood is basically a replica of mine (which I must admit was very stable and happy but nothing particularly special). We work, go to school, eat tea, watch tv, bath and bed. Walk the dog, visit family and have a treat about once a month (pre lockdown) of cinema, bowling, that type of thing. Holiday abroad once a year and cottage in the UK once a year.

I never do anything particularly special though. It’s just normal, mundane life. I don’t know if I should make more effort or wether we’re just fine as we are!

This whole Instagram style life worried me to be honest. My dc have a perfectly normal life which I photograph without using filters. We did used to do quite a lot of indoor things like cinema and roller skating but we got a puppy and a share of ponies during lockdown so we won't go back to that lifestyle.

Sorry pressed send too soon.. meant to add dc will mostly be looking scruffy and muddy. I won't have money to spend on all the bits and bobs that the insta life requires or time to set it up

@minipie

I hate vanity and bragging

Its not important to me that everyone knows I am enjoying my life
People seem to need others to envy their lifestyle (whether its true or simply made up for effect) and I find it very sad

We have a bit of a joke about it here! "Hmmm... does everyone need to know that we are watching a film together tonight?"
"Quick - let's tell everyone we know that we are going for a walk in the woods"
Does anyone really give a hoot?!
I take pictures for us to look back at, but don't feel the need to share.

Agree with all the above.

Those who say it’s just a creative outlet - sorry I don’t buy that. Doing the decorations, taking the photo for your own memories - that’s the creative bit. But if you then post it on SM - that’s all about seeking attention and approval.

But why is playing music in front of an audience or hanging your painting in a gallery creative but showing a photo that you're proud of to people online is attention seeking?

I belong to a couple of dog groups on Facebook but am probably going to leave. I used to find the groups really helpful but now half the posts are people asking for followers for their dog's Insta, or umpteen photos of their dog's birthday.
The piles of birthday presents, wrapped in special paper, carefully arranged, dog sitting with its party hat on next to its birthday cake. Huge balloons spelling out the dog's name. It's just bonkers.
Yesterday there was a photo of a dog wearing a bandana embroidered with "Cooper's first birthday" so basically that will only be good for the one day and then straight in the bin, can't bring it out next year as Cooper will be 2 by then.
Did people honestly go to all that fuss before social media?

We are the same. My kids are having far too much screen time and I am too knackered and demotivated to do much with them.
I see friends doing the kind of things you said-cinema nights etc. We probably do it but don't give a name to it.
Such as we all sit down to watch a film. It is what it is- watching a film and not creating a bloody cinema experience.
Kids in the paddling pool eating big an ice lolly. It's exactly that- just not calling it a beach experience.
OP -you will do this stuff naturally but you don't need to advertise the fact that you do!

Also a friend of mine is one of these creative loadsa ideas mum. She said it is draining now as the kids expectations are so high as always used to doing things or going out somewhere. They can't just play!

Us. We don’t have any social media accounts. We’ve done a garden makeover over the last month or so & we think it looks great, hasn’t cost us a lot, done it ourselves & it’s made us happy, we didn’t do it to get validation from others on social media, which I think a lot of other people seek when they post pic after pic. We just lead a normal and like you say OP seemingly boring life it may seem to others because we don’t post every wonderful moment on sm. Most of our friends, if not all are on sm & they do think it’s a bit weird we’re not, mainly because we don’t hear about the gossip/shit that goes on, but everyone’s different, we prefer our privacy.

But why is playing music in front of an audience or hanging your painting in a gallery creative but showing a photo that you're proud of to people online is attention seeking?

If you have a photography hobby and want to post beautiful photos you’ve taken then that’s a creative outlet. (though I would suggest doing it under a separate account that those interested in photography can follow, not the one friends and family follow to keep up contact).

However posting photos of outdoor movie night, posed pretend beach scene, huge pile of presents - these things aren’t about artistic photography, they’re “look what a fab time we are having”. Why would other people enjoy seeing those - it’s not beautiful music or art?

Surely you can see the difference?

Yes of course, just like anyone else.

It's just something people are either into doing or not, the instagrammy thing.

Are you feeling bad because you don’t have pictures of ‘special memories’ to post OP? Or bad because you’d actually like to make some stuff a bit more special?

It sounds like what you’re doing with your DS is more than enough and creating a happy and stable environment is worth infinitely more than a few perfect instagram shots. However if you feel like you’d all enjoy a few more ‘special’ things there’s cheap
and easy ways of doing that without it having to be a social media thing. (Although by all means you could put pictures up if you wanted).

I’m guilty of wanting ‘to make things a bit more special’ sometimes. It’s nowhere near anything Instagram worthy (I don’t bother with instagram anyway) but for example last time DH was doing homemade pizzas I got the lanterns from our wedding out and lit the candles around the garden, and drank my lemonade out of the ‘best’ champagne flutes (pregnant so cant have the real stuff). Or I’ll make a cake and serve it from my late mum’s ‘good china’ just because. One of the things I most remember as being quite special when I was little was my mum making a ‘carpet picnic’ on rainy days. Literally just throwing a blanket on the living room floor and eating picnic food - always felt like a proper treat. Getting the bus into town was special! Putting a bit of food colouring in with the boiled eggs on Easter Sunday was special. It never needed to be huge things.

It's great to make an effort and a nice photo means a lot to me. I probably made much more effort for birthdays etc for their birthdays when they were young - now I'm more likely to go the extra mile for them when they want a 4am lift or something. Effort is good though. Saying yes when you can, bothering to do interesting things.

@minipie

But why is playing music in front of an audience or hanging your painting in a gallery creative but showing a photo that you're proud of to people online is attention seeking?

If you have a photography hobby and want to post beautiful photos you’ve taken then that’s a creative outlet. (though I would suggest doing it under a separate account that those interested in photography can follow, not the one friends and family follow to keep up contact).

However posting photos of outdoor movie night, posed pretend beach scene, huge pile of presents - these things aren’t about artistic photography, they’re “look what a fab time we are having”. Why would other people enjoy seeing those - it’s not beautiful music or art?

Surely you can see the difference?

I'm not saying I can't see a difference and I'm not a huge fan of sm in general so I'm probably the wrong person to be arguing these points. I suppose I'm just trying to say that;

A) I think a lot of women lose their time to be creative once they have kids. And any creative outlet that tends to be typicality favoured by females (blogging instead of writing a novel, posting on Instagram instead of having a photography display) does tend to be mocked as shallow and attentive seeking.
B) don't do things that make you feel inadequate. If scrolling SM makes you feel like a shit Mam, then switch it off. But I think it would be nice if we recognised that it's just a difference of opinion not a personality flaw. Some people, myself included, don't enjoy the whole instamum thing, but it doesn't mean everyone who does is a shallow, fake attention speaking cow who ignores their kids when they're not taking a photo. It just means they enjoy different things to me that's all.

I don't have Instagram, and only have nice, normal folk on FB now, I did a cull of people who were doing this type of thing. It is so self serving.
turnedouttoes you say your DH works very long hours, so when he has a weekend free you book a hotel, meal etc and take photos to share and put on SM. I presume of your fabulous loving relationship?
But then you say If DP had his way we’d get takeaways and watch a film at home
So the poor guy isn't even allowed to do what he wants in his own down time, because it wont please your Instagram life. Whats wrong with a takeaway and movie at home? Clearly everything must look fabulous, that's your goal. I think that is a bit sad and pathetic.

Ha! I have found my tribe!
I am on one of those lockdown activities Facebook groups and I am tired of seeing those carefully choreographed photos of garden festivals with colour matching sign postings, cushions, bean bags, juice cocktails, back stage passes and bunting. It always feels it's more for SM than actually for the family. Long line ups of photos to a complete random group of strangers, who, of course, will reward with thousands of likes.
I am also on insta but only following people who renovate houses in order to get inspired for our own project.

My sons best day ever, was one where dh picked me up out of the lake we were in (imagine Dirty Dancing in mid Wales) and then we all had a fight with duckweed and crowned a friend King of the Weed. No photos, totally spur of the moment silliness, but absolute sheer joy.

I just asked ds1 what one of his favourite memories was and his reply was ‘when we went to Longleat and the monkeys ran off with the windscreen wipers’. No pics of that unfortunately.

Who would you be making the effort for OP? If you enjoy your 'boring' life then you are fine just as you are. Spending qualifty time with your kids/partner/ on your own is what counts not flowering it up with fairy lights or 'proper' popcorn containers (whatever they are) for the benefit of an SM photo. Sure fairy lights and popcorn are great but do these things if you want to, not to put on a show.

Comparing yourself to others is a road to misery.

@Puffthemagicdragongoestobed so putting photos of a beautiful home interior is ok because it inspires people? But a photo of people having fun in their garden is attention seeking? I'm not massively into social media but I quite like scrolling through and seeing others enjoying themselves. Sometimes I join in with my own photos. Sometimes I do nice things and don't share photos. Sometimes I have a day that's so awful it's comical and I might share that (or not). I think most people are similar - in the middle somewhere!

For me, sometimes making that bit of effort to lift something up out of the mundane is a really good mood boost. So I'll sometimes wear my really posh bra & knickers, even if it's just a normal Saturday pottering around at home. Or if it's a really chilly night, I'll sometimes make our beds up with extra throws and pop a hot water bottle in, just to make it cosy. I certainly don't do it all the time because then it stops feeling that little bit special. I do wear good perfume every single day though because I love it x

You know what, the more I think about this the more I think it depends on where and how things are posted.

If you are really into this sort of thing (or indeed any other hobby) then set up a particular Instagram/FB account, under an alternative name, and post it all there. That way people who want to see that kind of thing can find it.

Don’t post it under your usual FB or Instagram in your own name that friends and family follow. That’s when it becomes showing off, to people who aren’t necessarily interested and who may (quite likely) be made to feel bad by it.

For example I have recently done up my house. It looks lovely, if I say so myself . If I wanted to get involved in interior design stuff online or attract likes from people into that, then I would start a house related blog or Insta account under a pseudonym and post it there. If I start posting pictures of my beautiful house on my normal FB, to my friends and family who have never expressed any particular interest in my house decor, then that’s just showing off, isn’t it?

I think you’re right @minipie. It’s the context.

Agree it's about context. I happen to enjoy seeing photos of my friends' latest decorating project or a lovely cake they've baked, because I assume they got pleasure out of doing these things, and I'm happy that they're happy I really don't see it as showing off at all, I see it as a healthy level of taking some small pride in a sense of achievement.

Context is everything. People putting up family photos and keeping in touch is fine and completely their business.

However, the determined perfect family, children, home life, relationship etc., does strike me as very very odd behaviour and contradicts the notion of a delirious life if that is what consumes you and your time.

I have an Instagram account, just because my son has one. Fuck knows what the password is. I dont go on there. I have a Facebook account, which I use for my local page.
I dont log every detail of my life because, it would basically be, woke up, read, ate, went to get food, read, went to sleep.
I know that other people are living exciting lives and their kids are awesome, but I dont care. Life is too short to try keeping up with the joneses.

@userxx

It's the app of narcissism, along with Facebook.

Spot on.

Perfect description