Does anyone else lead a boring, non Instagram-ready life?

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So many of my friends put so much effort into creating ‘special memories’ with their families. Things like out door film nights with proper popcorn containers, ice creams during the interval, colourful cushions and fairy lights. Recreating summer holidays in their back gardens with paddling pools, inflatables, cocktails. Adventure walks with specially prepared rucksacks. Camping in the back garden etc.

It all looks so lovely and such great fun, I know Instagram’s only a screen shot of someone’s life but I feel like I’m not making any kind of special effort. My child’s childhood is basically a replica of mine (which I must admit was very stable and happy but nothing particularly special). We work, go to school, eat tea, watch tv, bath and bed. Walk the dog, visit family and have a treat about once a month (pre lockdown) of cinema, bowling, that type of thing. Holiday abroad once a year and cottage in the UK once a year.

I never do anything particularly special though. It’s just normal, mundane life. I don’t know if I should make more effort or wether we’re just fine as we are!

@OldSpeclkledHen

What's Instagram?

Oh how I wish I was you!

Probably best you don't find out to be honest. You'll lose all remaining faith in society and the younger generation, trust me

To be honest, I treat Instagram like a pictorial diary of my life. I rarely write much, just a few words, it's more about the actual photo. I definitely see it as a creative outlet, in just the same way that my knitting and needlepoint are. I also get a lot of pleasure out of rearranging my furniture or decorating a wall in a new colour, or arranging flowers with greenery I've brought in from the garden. Again it's all a creative outlet.

So many people feel the need to prove they have an exciting privileged life to others via social media
I pity them
I make my own life as enjoyable as possible and don't feel any need to share this via social media
Its not important to me that everyone knows I am enjoying my life
People seem to need others to envy their lifestyle (whether its true or simply made up for effect) and I find it very sad

We don’t have ‘film nights’ we just put a film on. Nothing’s ever themed, nothings ever particularly special. I don’t really make any effort. We do get out and about in the countryside and stuff, we do do stuff but just bog standard stuff.

This to me is the stuff that’s special, not all the fake staged shit on social media. It’s the stuff your kids will remember when they’re grown, and want to create for their own kids. It’s what I remember from my childhood and try to do for my babies. The constant love and feeling of stability is worth a 1000x more than likes and shares imho.

I’ve come off of fb now as found it was making me feel not good enough as a mother and lacking somehow. It’s great being free of it - I’m doing an alright job of mothering, my kids are happy and healthy and I’ve no need to prove myself or my life to anyone. They do them, I’ll do me!

What's Instagram?

It's the app of narcissism, along with Facebook.

Honestly, these people "making memories" and staging all this shit just for a photo. Off their nuts that's for sure!

You're family life sounds lovely! I really thinks it's healthier not to be obsessing over social media. I don't think it's fair for children to be plastered all over it either - so they know what they are consenting to?

We have a bit of a joke about it here! "Hmmm... does everyone need to know that we are watching a film together tonight?"
"Quick - let's tell everyone we know that we are going for a walk in the woods"
Does anyone really give a hoot?!
I take pictures for us to look back at, but don't feel the need to share.

It's a funny one because it is similar to our families. With mine we meet up quite regularly, no frills - just a walk or a coffee. If it's DH's family it tends to need to be an event and he finds it really stressful as our dc are still small. I'm trying my hardest to make it more regular and less extravagant and we are beginning to meet in the middle.

*do they

One of my friends has a lockdown Instagram account and it looks like she’s gone to town everyday. It was making me feel pretty inadequate until she explained she was struggling, the kids were watching too much tv while they were working and it was a snapshot of an hour of hardcore effort in an otherwise normal day.

It's the app of narcissism, along with Facebook.

Spot on.

I think @OutComeTheWolves has it. IG and family blogging more widely can become a creative outlet for women who otherwise wouldn't get, or may feel guilty for taking (though they shouldn't!) time to be creative.

I never believe this perfect lives rubbish I see on Instagram.
Just one example
EXH (very good terms) went on to have another child when our youngest was 18, his DP posts incessantly picture perfect scenes, pumpkin picking in immaculate clothes, birthday parties that come straight from a magazine etc
Truth is.... real life is a total shit show of misery, poor kid is never smiling or genuinely having fun, more plonked on to an elaborate stage for all to see how amazing they look.
It's quite sad really, seeking validation from people who don't matter at all.

I'm like a PP, I like thinking of little details and I'm creative. I don't do a lot of single use stuff but for example I've made a few different sets of fabric bunting- happy birthday, happy new year etc. I refuse them each year.

I have a chronic illness and I find it's a nice distraction, especially as I can't go out much so it makes being at home almost all the time (outside of lockdown) a bit more fun.

I post a lot about the realities of my illness and no problem posting makeup free or showing the physical manifestations of my illness. I certainly don't think anyone looking at my feed would think I was 'instaperfect' I think they'd think I was trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I find reading about preparations for "Instagram" weddings depressing.

Honestly, the guests won't care or notice if the chairs don't match with the bridesmaids dresses or the flowers are the wrong shade of peach etc. It just adds an unnecessary level of stress.

I notice a real correlation between how unhappy some of my relatives are, and their frequency of IG posts. It's like they're miserable about their shitty boyfriend/career/money issues, so they ramp up the posts about how awesome the boy is/they love their job/the latest BIIIIG purchase, etc, on IG. Almost like they need to convince themselves it's all amazing. I don't get it.

Im not saying that's why everyone posts on SM - I have IG and I like to think I don't - but certainly for some people I know, there's an element of showing off to make themselves feel better and in some cases, make others feel crap (I know some nasty women I think 😂)

I wouldn’t worry about it much, I did all that sort of nonsense with mine when they were younger (because I like doing creative stuff) Do they remember any of it? Not a thing

You can't 'make memories', you really can't. Memories happen, and stick in your mind because they happened and were meaningful. There was no SM when my children were small, we took photos of holidays and special events on a camera, and stuck them in an album. You sound to have had a lovely upbringing, and your children are experiencing the same. Before lockdown, we attended a family event.
One woman there spent the whole afternoon photoing and videoing her children and never once interacted with them. As a pp said, when one child was upset, she made him do a happy dance and filmed it. I found it incredibly sad.

I think there is a middle ground - you can take ideas for things in the internet ( not Insta necessarily) and adapt them to make your own traditions if you think they are a good idea ( like your fondly remembered fish, chips and gladiator night). Sometimes it’s not the set dressing but the event - I’ve picked up lots of stuff from social media that we have made into our own traditions, though I don’t take photos of it, we just enjoy them. Recently I saw a fancy lockdown timetable on SM about different themed activities each day so the days didn’t all feel the same. We’ve incorporated bits of this - I’ve started booking day trips for Thursdays, and we are going to make afternoon tea every Sunday. There’s no need to keep up with what other people are doing. If you feel life’s a bit full, just take an idea that seems fun, copy it to the level you want and see how it goes.

I like the aesthetic of instagram. I don't do Facebook anymore. I tend to follow people I'm interested in for the inspiration rather than the dialogue of their lives, I never read the posts. Sometimes I post but not very often.

Last year we went to Alnwick Castle. We seemed to follow a mother and her 2 kids. She was constantly arranging them for instagram photos and I heard the phrase making memories uttered. She spent the rest of her time ignoring her kids and sat on her phone.

I prefer to actually play with our children.. Don't have Instagram or FB so, don't ever post anything.
We have days out, walks and seaside trips, little holidays etc.
But, surely it's all normal life? We have a paddling pool, BBQs and what we call ' Disco Nights '
Movie evenings with a bag of popcorn don't need to be posted on every social media platform surely?

I like to talk and play with the kids.
For example last night, our 13yoDD and 12yoDS were sat in the living room, I sat on the floor with a cup of tea and, we spoke - about loads of random stuff. I like hearing what they have to say.

It doesn't have to be fairy lights and expensive gestures.
You're doing fine, your children will have memories!!

I have never, and I hope I never will, set up a pretty happy scene with the full intention of photographing it and putting it on Instagram.

I do take photos, but they are always spontaneous and I take a few then and there and pick the best. I don't keep retaking until I het the perfect look.

I do use Instagram but just to post pictures of my girls. Only family and friends can view the photos so it's more of a photo album. But my photos are just pictures of us out on a walk or maybe if they are after creating something really pretty as they love art. I do love Instagram though as I am really careful who I follow and especially love interiors and baking accounts . They give me so many ideas.

As regards people creating perfect lives on social media, there was a very sad case in the US a few years ago. A couple adopted six children and splashed them all over Facebook, with very staged scenes and elaborate descriptions, which basically outlined their amazing parenting skills. It was all a lie. The poor kids were starved, abused and neglected the whole time and were eventually driven over a cliff by their adoptive mothers. Absolutely horrifying and makes you question everything now that's behind every social media post.

I don't think social media is necessarily for narcissists, they have just got a bad name because some people take it too far. When I joined SM after DC2 I was terribly lonely and it helped me connect with people. This year I deleted it because I realised it was consistently making me feel worse not better. For me it had gone from people bonding over tired, shit days and toddler struggles to Boden days out. Also, I lost my Dad and didn't want to face all the endless father's day posts. Am I proud of deleting it? No, of course not, but on the other hand, surely it is good to take positive action if something is consistently making you feel a bit shit? I have read so many posts on MN since deleting my FB and instagram about posts which have upset or offended people. I also now remain in blissful ignorance of the latest SM dramas! I also feel less exploited by all the FB ads and have read more magazines and books (oh, and talked to my family more... probably). Each to their own though. I can see both sides, having used social media in a positive way after the birth of DC2 when I didn't know many people and just wanted to connect with other mums. I prefer whatsapp now which I use a lot and serves the same purpose for me while being more private.

We are the opposite of Instas.

As a trained photographer and with nice enough holidays and activities and a photogenic family not me so much we could be Insta stars I tell you.

Only I'd rather keep all those lovely Insta worth moments to myself and my family including extended family. I hate vanity and bragging. I never talk with anyone about my kids' achievements other than with extended family. I'm simply not interested in being validated for stuff like that.

I can't be doing with all that virtual fake nonsense. So OP, you are not alone.

I hate vanity and bragging

Its not important to me that everyone knows I am enjoying my life
People seem to need others to envy their lifestyle (whether its true or simply made up for effect) and I find it very sad

We have a bit of a joke about it here! "Hmmm... does everyone need to know that we are watching a film together tonight?"
"Quick - let's tell everyone we know that we are going for a walk in the woods"
Does anyone really give a hoot?!
I take pictures for us to look back at, but don't feel the need to share.

Agree with all the above.

Those who say it’s just a creative outlet - sorry I don’t buy that. Doing the decorations, taking the photo for your own memories - that’s the creative bit. But if you then post it on SM - that’s all about seeking attention and approval.

I don’t have social media but I do put a lot of time and effort into planning events which I think are fun. I love throwing parties, fancy picnics, dinners etc, I love to decorate, I love to make a huge effort. These are things that make me happy. My love language is acts of service; making other people happy with fun events and carefully prepared plans brings me joy.

But it’s ultimately a self-interested thing; it makes me happy to do it. If it was an effort or a chore and I didn’t feel rewarded by it, it wouldn’t be worth it. So I think it’s only something worth bothering with if you enjoy it and get something meaningful from it.

It certainly isn’t something that should be done for external validation on social media: that’s no way to be happy.