Terrible CVs

[PymChurchBeach]

Disclaimer: I know times are hard and shitty right now and a lot of people are desperate for work so probably chucking out CVs left right and centre at anything and everything.

BUT. I have worked in HR for nearly a decade now and it has always been the same. The general standard of CVs is bloody awful. I'm recruiting for a mid level role at the moment and I have seen the following:

• people using little hearts and stars instead of bullet points
• massive glamour model style photographs taking up the whole first page of a CV
• people's dates of birth and marital statuses written up at the top. Just no!!!
• wacky, colourful borders and fonts. Comic sans. Enough said.

Also - this last one is possibly controversial but when women have had a break to look after DC, there really is no need to list all the skills gained as a SAHM - e.g. "excellent time management skills etc". You can just say you had time out to raise children. That's all you need to say. I'm not going to think any the worse of you for it.

I am desperate to implement application forms rather than have CVs and cover letters but my CEO is old fashioned and will not have it.

Thanks @MrsNoah2020 👍 I honestly do not regret my decision to take a very long career break but I am regretting not sorting things like MOffice out.

@HotCrossBungle have a look at the ECDL (European Computer Driving Licence). Been around for yonks and some of the components will be very basic (as it's aimed at teaching computer literacy), but it covers all the fundamentals and us easy to follow.

@BadLad that CV would tick all of the boxes for our marketing guys - they'd love it. But for an office administrator, not so much. But then my firm isn't in a creative sector, which proves the point exactly about tailoring CVs not just to the role but the firm. The kind of CV that hits the spot for a digital start-up, is not likely to be suitable for a more traditional firm.

@HotCrossBungle places like Udemy and Coursera have Microsoft Office 365 courses for £15 or so. Doing one would be a really good way to show that you've proactively brought yourself up to speed and that you can develop yourself using the plethora of online resources available. Good luck.

@HotCrossBungle PS you're not doomed! While you can learn, life always has more to offer.

@badlad great CV for a web marketing role using an unsolicited approach. But you've got to know your market and target it precisely, and in general gimmickry is highly overrated. For every guy like this one there are 20 to 50 uninspired imitators that land with more of a thud than a sparkle.

@HotCrossBungle sorry meant to add, if you'd put on your CV that you'd recently taken courses to brush up your MS Office skills then that would be a tick in the box for me if I was looking at your application. Not only is it a useful addition but it also shows forward-planning and preparedness and I'm very keen on people with those skills!!

@HotCrossBungle

Well slightly better than a third, a 2.2.

Can anyone recommend and free or low priced brush up courses for Microsoft Office? I'm rusty to say the least and 15 years out of date.

Beginning to think I am doomed

It's definitely worth getting up to date on Word and Excel (sorry, I don't have a course I can recommend), but don't worry about not being an expert.

I always assumed that the 18 - 20 year olds I've hired near enough straight from school would be amazing at using them, but it turned out that short of basic formatting, they didn't know much.

If you can do some basic formatting on a Word document (learning how to insert tables and changing tab locations and types can make a big difference to how well a document is presented) and basic formatting and formulae on Excel document it is probably enough.

I'd consider basic formatting on Excel to be bold/ italic/ cell borders/ cell colours. Pivot tables on Excel are really easy and useful, but it sounds impressive when you say you can do them. Lookups are slightly more complicated but very useful as well (at least in my industry).

The help within the programme is normally very good (press F1 when you're in the programme)

Every single interview I've done in the last three weeks (I've done a lot 😭) has mentioned at some point that they would search gov.UK for advice.

What is this fabled website that is the fountain of all knowledge???!!!

Are you joking? Please tell me you are!
You don’t know what Gov.uk is?

So slight swivel, but can we extend this to using LinkedIn? I was just reminded of how bad some people's engagement on LinkedIn can be. I put up a post a few months ago saying I was looking for a very specific type of freelance writer. I didn't do it formally via jobs or whatever, just on my feed. I got 8 responses. Only two were ones I was even vaguely interested in following up with.

example one: "Hi Bling. I can do the kind of thing you're looking for. If you google my name, you'll find my work. Look forward to hearing from you."

Example two: "You can search for my work on [very particular online portal for which you have to pay to have membership]."

Example 3: "This sounds interesting. Can you tell me exactly what you need and I can see if I might be able to do it"

I'm paraphrasing all but honestly, it was astonishing.

Talking about formatting, one recent CV I reviewed was a complete block of text - as in no paragraphs whatsoever. For an office-based role where MS Office skills were a requirement.

Bling isn't the issue there that you didn't do a formal ad, but posted informally, so they followed suit?

This is so interesting to read. I've been printing my CV on shimmer/glitter paper since I left uni and have got 17 out of 18 jobs applied for in that time. I'm usually a bit cheeky and irreverent in my cover letter and I always mention my random/niche hobbies because they're great conversation starters. Never failed to get an interview, and only once failed to get the job - they've all commented on how much the ridiculous sparkly CV stood out.

I'm now happily self employed as I hate working for other people, but am reading with fascination as when I come to recruit for my own business, I want to know what people do in their spare time and what makes them tick. I couldn't give a fuck what their GCSE grades were 20 years ago as long as they're capable and enthusiastic about whatever it is I'm hiring for.

But perhaps that's why I'm a) self employed and b) not in HR 😂

@SarahAndQuack@PymChurchBeach hahaha just seen comments about pink paper 😂

I feel the need to qualify my last post - spelling and grammar always impeccable and checked, and I'm a photographer not a MLM hun 😂 but almost always worked in creative sector so I think the glitter was more appropriate

@TeenPlusTwenties certainly wasn't looking for CVs or anything as you're right, it was vaguely informal. In fact, I'd actually thought that friends might direct me to people, rather than direct contact.

BUT.... if you are asking someone to consider you and your work, don't make it harder for me by making ME google you/pay to access your work etc etc. How hard is it to send a series of links? Or to attach some documents?

It feels very much to me that people are way too blasé - they seem to think they natural brilliance should just be obvious. I, on the other hand, come from the school of thought that says when you want someone to do something for you (like hire you), you have to make it as easy as bloody possible.

I can see how a glitter CV would work really well in a creative industry. Likewise the recent example of the CV doing the rounds on LinkedIn where it was tailored to look like the company website, was a great idea - although a cautionary tale not to lose sight of the end-goal as the candidate spent so much time creating the CV that they missed the application cut-off date!

I think different industries have very different norms to be fair.

the candidate spent so much time creating the CV that they missed the application cut-off date!

I like all cvs and never discriminate if someone has been a SAHP.
In fact I actively give jobs to women returning to the workforce as I find they’re more focussed on results, and less liable to get flustered and need spoon feeding in a busy office.

Also, as a rule they’re more flexible : for eg. not going to spend time on long lunch breaks if they can get off earlier for finishing the tasks / making their targets. I like if they can work from home, and don’t need much management.

I also don’t mind that they’re married to John for 25 years... shows loyalty, and commitment. Women who work are people not robots. As an employer we have to take care of our employees’ health and well-being.

I prefer hiring people who are loyal and dedicated, focussed and committed, who are willing to work and willing to learn. Skills can be upgraded easily. Disability and diversity adds to the business.

I look at the hobbies / interests / sports/ carefully - I think they’re very indicative.

@undercoveraessedai

This is so interesting to read. I've been printing my CV on shimmer/glitter paper since I left uni and have got 17 out of 18 jobs applied for in that time. I'm usually a bit cheeky and irreverent in my cover letter and I always mention my random/niche hobbies because they're great conversation starters. Never failed to get an interview, and only once failed to get the job - they've all commented on how much the ridiculous sparkly CV stood out.

I'm now happily self employed as I hate working for other people, but am reading with fascination as when I come to recruit for my own business, I want to know what people do in their spare time and what makes them tick. I couldn't give a fuck what their GCSE grades were 20 years ago as long as they're capable and enthusiastic about whatever it is I'm hiring for.

But perhaps that's why I'm a) self employed and b) not in HR 😂

Snap @undercoveraessedai I run my own businesses as well.

I also don’t mind that they’re married to John for 25 years... shows loyalty, and commitment.

How on earth do you know that from one line in a CV? They might both have constant affairs. There might be abuse.

In any case you shouldn't be using it to make judgements about their character. That's the entire reason it shouldn't be included. If I write in my CV that I'm divorced, are you going to use that against me?

I do a lot of recruitment and I think women who have taken time out of the workplace often sell themselves short. I interviewed one woman for a basic admin job, who had had an amazing job before, managing several offices and around 50 people. I asked her why she wanted the job and she said “I thought I could probably manage to do it.”

I don't bother looking at hobbies because not everyone puts them on. And a lack of hobbies doesn't indicate anything - they might be a private person, or they might have no time for hobbies. I'm certainly not going to make a judgement on whether to recruit them or not.

Likewise I try not to pigeonhole people. You could say that working Mums get more stuff done because they are better at time management - but that's a sweeping generalisation that could lead you to ignore the single person who is super organised and very committed. Equally I have no issue with whether someone is single, married, has kids or has none. Length of marriage gives you no measure of loyalty!! Recruitment has taught me that categorising people rarely holds true.

Tappering I agree. Why make any kind of assumption, positive or negative, about a SAHP (or anyone else tbh!!).

My (much loved) mum was a SAHM to four children and a more disorganised person you've never met in your life.

I have a job question if you don’t mind me asking. There is a job that I would love to apply for but I only meet 2/3 of the meet criteria. Does this mean applying would be a waste of my and then poor person reading my applications time?

I'd say a lot depends on the sector, PurplePrickley. If you know the job's likely to attract a lot of interest I might not bother, whereas in something where it's harder to recruit it could be worth a go

It also depends how far "down the list" your missing criteria are. Most tend to rank them roughly in order of importance, so some little detail would matter less than - say - essential qualifications or relevant experience