How to help DH? Family member/indecent images.

[5tressed]

We've just found out that a family member is going to court soon for viewing illegal images on his computer.

DH is devastated. Ashamed. Shocked. Disgusted. No one had any idea. We're all in shock. I want to support DH but today i'm less and less comfortable with talk about 'supporting' the family member re: their mental health.

I've tipped into anger and i'm disgusted and tearful this morning. It hasn't been 24 hours yet. I want to talk freely to DH but i'm on eggshells. He had this person on a pedestal. He's ... so upset.

I don't know what i want from this thread. Sorry. This is so fucking hard.

Oh that was a weird xpost @JudyGemstone! Thank you for the info.

The words ''extremely commonplace'' are so at odds with the shock and horror we've been going through for the last 6 days.

It makes me very depressed tbh.

Chances are he's going to be charged with catagory A, B and C. But he's saying he doesn't know for sure. Would you really be taken to court not knowing exactly what your charged with? In a situation like this?

We have lots of similarities don't we @5tressed!

I only found out the whole story form a published NMC hearing which was public information online - this was nearly 3 years after his arrest.

That's another thing, you will probs all be in limbo for weeks now. It took 18mths for the police to get through the backlog of 'seized computers' before he could be charged properly.

The 'paedophile' around every corner is sadly very true!

@thisismynamechange1
Is it ok to PM you?

[quote 5tressed]**@thisismynamechange1
Is it ok to PM you?[/quote]

@5tressed Yes of course, I tried to PM you at the start of this thread but couldn't work out how to do it!

Just to say OP that ours is another family where this has happened - my brother went to prison for 18 months. I know how shocking and confusing this is. But we are a few years down the line now and I just wanted to say that it will be ok. It was an awful time, one of the worst things we've been through as a family, but we all did find a way of coping and came to terms with it eventually.

@thisismynamechange1 have pm'd :)

@noonam thank you. So much hurt caused by this. It reaches it's awful feelers deeper than you imagine doesn't it?

@5tressed
Yes it does. It's so confusing when someone you think you know really well, someone you look up to, does something like this.
Our family is not the same as it was before but everyone is ok. Some people are not as close as they were but some people are closer. He has lost a lot of family support but does still see a couple of people.

@noonam yes that sounds very similar to us. Once the very first shock waves, the gut reaction of revulsion and then the inevitable 'could i have stopped this/noticed this/prevented this?' worry starts to pass, people begin to feel a deeper feeling and you're right - some folk are starting to hang back a bit from the ''lets all support him'' party line.

I'm glad you have all stabalised somewhat and that you can say you're all ok