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Original poster

15yo DD heard DP and I having sex

79 replies

Sooooooembarrassed · 28/06/2020 01:26

We are sooo embarrassed and I imagine and totally understand that DD is equally embarrassed. We were in the middle of DTD when DD's bedroom door opened. Seconds later there was 5 large bangs on the wall. We were mortified and of course stopped immediately.

There is no excuse, other than DP and I don't live together and emotions overcame us. Additionally DD is always with me; she doesn't see her father and is more of a loner than someone with a large group of friends.

We thought she was asleep so thought it was 'safe'. After going to the toilet which was initially her reason for waking she went to get a glass of what and I went down to apologise to her and asked if she wanted to talk about anything to which she said no and went back to bed.

She's found it hard me having a boyfriend as it has just been the two of us all her life.

I have decided that I'm going to limit DP coming to my house to every other week to ensure there's just DD and me time.

But still after tonight I feel awful that I may have really done some damage to her mentally.

OP posts:
Ijustreallywantacat · 28/06/2020 03:19

I.e. it's a normal thing that can be lovely. It was also late at night and I presume you were not wailing.

StarlightLady · 28/06/2020 04:00

Why make a big deal out of something normal? We are all here because 2 people had sex.

And restricting your own lives in correctly suggests that something healthy is taboo.

climbingcorfecastle · 28/06/2020 04:21

I think everyone saying sex is a lovely thing is missing the point that the dd is really struggling with the idea of her mum having a boyfriend in the first place. Hearing your parents, who have been together for as long as you know is bad enough, but to hear your mum who hasn't ever had a boyfriend having sex really isn't beautiful or lovely! Although she's 15 I think she needs to be given a bit of a break.

Ijustreallywantacat · 28/06/2020 04:31

Having trouble with a situation doesn't mean you can be rude though. I didn't like my stepdad at first. You don't have to take drastic measures because its not drastic rudeness, but its rude. Acknowledge how she feels, explain how you felt, and set an expectation that she talks to you about things, rather than embarrasses you.

RosieLemonade · 28/06/2020 06:57

When we were 15 my friend went home from school for lunch and discovered her mum and then man her mum was having an affair with having sex on the sofa. So at least it wasn’t that bad.

Bluntness100 · 28/06/2020 07:01

Emotions over came you? Cmon. Seriously? If your daughter or anyone else is in the vicinity you know to keep it quiet, you’re not a teenager.

juneisbustingout · 28/06/2020 07:07

I went down to apologise to her and asked if she wanted to talk about anything
You are an adult in your own home with your adult partner, no need to apologise
Also what on earth made you think a 15 year old would want to discuss this?! 15 year olds don't ever want to think of their parent having sex and would certainly not want to discuss it.
It's no big deal, she knows you have had sex to produce her in the first place, just remain mindful that sex is usually a private matter and behave accordingly in future

GotOutOfBedOnTheWrongSide · 28/06/2020 07:44

Why are loads of posters acting like the daughter has done something wrong?!?
She woke up, heard her mum at it, and knocked the wall presumably to get her to keep the noise down. I can't personally see what's wrong with that. Yes sex is natural, nothing to be ashamed of ect, but I think you were right to apologise about the noise as it isn't nice to hear someone (let alone your mum and her fella) humping in the next room. Just make it clear that your apologising about her hearing you and being too loud, your not apologising for actually having sex.

Cut her some slack. She was obviously just uncomfortable.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 28/06/2020 07:51

You shouldn't have been having sex loud enough for her to hear. She shouldn't be so bad mannered that she thinks it's OK to bang on the wall.

Bluntness100 · 28/06/2020 07:53

You are an adult in your own home with your adult partner, no need to apologise

Seriously? Your empathy is something to behold. No one wants to hear their parents making loud sex noises for gods sake. So yes the op should be respectful and should apologise for making her daughter feel uncomfortable in her own home.

Just because the ops the adult doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to have any respect for her daughter.

No one is so over come by emotions they can’t stop themselves having noisey sex or acting like they are making their own porno.

whiteroseredrose · 28/06/2020 08:01

What gotoutofbed said.

Having noisy sex that disturbs others is rude. She may have to accept your relationship with someone she doesn't like but she shouldn't have to hear the soundtrack.

One of an exDP's flatmates had a girlfriend who was bloody noisy during sex when she chose to be. The others would bang on the door and even threatened to chuck water on them in the middle of the night.

Nobody would say not to have sex but to use a cliché be kind and aware when you do. Try to minimise the noise.

Toilenstripes · 28/06/2020 08:03

Sorry, but it’s really gross to hear your parents having sex, especially when you’re 15. She will never forget that and will probably tell her friends, future boyfriends. That noted, there’s not much to be done about it at this point but forget and move on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2020 08:52

You should have kept it down. No child wants to hear their parents at it. But she was incredibly rude to bang on the wall. I’d be talking to her about that, your behaviour and hers.

GotOutOfBedOnTheWrongSide · 28/06/2020 08:54

She was not rude to band on the wall ffs! Your basically saying that she should have shut up and let her mum finishing shagging because alerting her mum to the fact that she can hear her is rude. What fucking planet are you on.

ChaToilLeam · 28/06/2020 08:56

Your daughter was bloody rude. Unless you were wailing like a banshee, there’s no reason to bang on the wall. You’re allowed a life!

Besom · 28/06/2020 08:58

She'll be fine. She's probably having a laugh about it with her friends.

LazyFace · 28/06/2020 08:59

I once walked in.... 30+ years on I still wouldn't want to discuss it. Just pretend it never happened.

NoWordForFluffy · 28/06/2020 09:00

This: 'emotions overcame us' means that you we're having really noisy sex. Which is really inconsiderate in general, but particularly so when you know that your daughter is struggling with your relationship already.

If you want noisy sex, go to his house. Otherwise, be considerate of your daughter's feelings.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 28/06/2020 09:02

what was there to discuss with your dd?

seems a bit ott,
just ignore
its life

okiedokieme · 28/06/2020 09:03

Don't worry, it will make it easier for her in the long run, she'll realise you will understand when she has a boyfriend. My DD's are fine with dp and they both have serious bfs/dp's of their own so it's slightly different but be honest that's all

Shinebright72 · 28/06/2020 09:03

I disagree for the people saying the daughter was banging on the wall. The daughter got up to use to the toilet and for water. At what point didn’t the mother OP think to stop. I imagine OP was louder than she realised and walls are thin. I just wouldn’t say anything. I think OP is at fault. There’s not a lot you can do just forget about it.

Coffeeandbeans · 28/06/2020 09:06

I really don’t see it being rude by banging on the wall. I’ve often done it to various neighbours. What is rude is making so much noise that she had to bang on the wall.

NellieandRufus · 28/06/2020 09:07

I don’t think it’s rude to band on the wall, many people with noisy neighbours do exactly the same.

Rude would have been barging in and asking you to keep the noise down!

No child wants to hear their parent having sex, it doesn’t matter how old you are.

lilgreen · 28/06/2020 09:07

All teens will be embarrassed to hear parents having sex but I think that because it’s not her dad, there’s an extra level for her that she needs to come to terms with. I think you’re right to avoid it for now while she’s home.We have teens and we’re now professionals at the art of silent shenanigans.

dottiedodah · 28/06/2020 09:08

I think she was embarrassed as any teenager would be.Maybe go to his house in future! Dont apologise though .In a few years time she will be dating herself ,and doesnt want to feel uncomfortable with Sex .Also if it has only been the two of you up to now .She is going to need time to come to terms with the fact there is a guy on the scene competing for your attention!