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Original poster

How long does the wedding "high" last

59 replies

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 11:26

Have just been thinking about it all really.

My exH due to get married to OW (its abroad and my son is going, its in the next month or so and the paranoia about him traveling is eating me up, but thats not the topic of the thread)

OW has been making a huge song and dance about this wedding for the last 18 months or so, she's had 3 hen do's.

I feel sick that they think its appropriate that my DS (7) is "giving her away" - im sure its a calculated stab at me (she's very jealous and insecure about me, despite her getting 'ultimately what she wanted')

I just want the wedding to come and go away. I have her on whats app and see her status, due to having her phone number as she contacts me about DS rather than his father because she is controlling. I was thinking of deleting her number whilst the wedding is happening to avoid seeing the status and feeling tempted to look, but I dont think i should incase she needs to contact me regarding DS.

Anyway thats my back story, I rememeber when I got married I was so excited, but I cant remember how I felt afterwards!

How did you feel after the big day had finished? Do you still look back with happy memories? Did it change your relationship for the better/worse? How long did your wedding high last?

OP posts:

NailsNeedDoing · 27/06/2020 11:33

Do people really put much on their WhatsApp status anyway? I don’t often see it unused like that, it’s not like Facebook.

But if you are seeing anything on SM, I’d expect the wedding hype to last until after they’re back from the wedding destination, assuming that will count as the honeymoon too, and until they have the official wedding photos back.

I wouldn’t assume that your son being walking down the aisle with your ex’s new partner is a stab at you. It’s very unlikely that they were thinking if you when they made this choice and more likely that they just wanted ways to actively include your ds.

mindutopia · 27/06/2020 11:49

By the day after, I was exhausted and lost my voice and was just glad it was all done and couldn't wait for everyone to pack up and go back home so I could be left in peace with dh. So probably about 12 hours, I think.

Really, I'd just ignore her. It doesn't sound like it's anything to do with the wedding, more that she is just an insecure twat.

gypsywater · 27/06/2020 11:51

I know this isnt on point, but how do OWs not shit themselves that their new husband will do the same to them in the marriage? Makes no sense to me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

mencken · 27/06/2020 12:02

a massive fuss about a one-day party is rather a sign of having nothing else in one's life. Maybe the forthcoming recession and ongoing pandemic will stop these giant frilly-frock events.

just ignore. I'm a little confused about why you need to deal with her anyway, surely arrangements for your son are between his parents?

and yes, if he's cheated on one wife - next!

gypsywater · 27/06/2020 12:07

Exactly. How embarrassing as an OW to be getting so excited about your wedding. A wedding to a man who cheats when married. Great. Awkward.

Crunchymum · 27/06/2020 12:09

You can't see much on a WhatsApp status???

Pelleas · 27/06/2020 12:12

It lasted until a week after our honeymoon. I suffer from depression but I had been looking forward to my wedding for the previous six months (a very small wedding, it was decided and planned in six months) and it had given me a focus. I remember quite clearly, it was Saturday lunchtime and we'd just got back from doing some shopping and it was as if a light went out - that's it, it's all over now. I had been back at work for a week before that but had been receiving congratulations and enquiries so the 'high' had lasted that extra week. I fell immediately back into a very deep depression that lasted for over a year.

We've been married 16 years now - my depression comes and goes.

FinallyHere · 27/06/2020 12:15

their new husband will do the same to them in the marriage

I imagine that they think and/or are encouraged to think that the 'fault' was due to the failing of the other partner and that they are so.much.better it would never happen to them. Until it does. Sigh

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/06/2020 12:17

Does she actually change her whatsapp status? I don’t know anyone that does? The excessive wedding excitement would strike me as trying extra hard to make it ok she’s marrying a cheater (“It’s a fairy love story so has to be ok”) Id just feel sorry for her. And every time she contacts you about DS I would reply to his father, you don’t have to engage with her.

I don’t think I had a high except on the day. We had an amazing wedding but the priority was being married rather than just that one day. The high was the first times I could call DH my husband instead of my partner. I had one not very over the top hen party. I would take her excess as desperation all things considered

ComDummings · 27/06/2020 12:19

I was happy it was over tbh, I wasn’t that excited about my wedding anyway, I was very excited about the ‘being married’ part but the wedding I had was pretty small and laid back. I’m still on a high about being married 3 years later while the wedding was nice I just remember the stress and anxiety around planning the day. But I imagine someone who has been planning and going on about their wedding for ages might crash a bit after - back to reality with a bump. One of my friends was planning her wedding for over a year and had a fairly big wedding admitted to me after the high wore off she felt a bit deflated and I can see how that could be the case as so much expectation and energy was expended on planning the day.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 27/06/2020 12:21

Never mind that, you just look forward to your own "high" when he cheats on the bitch👌

gypsywater · 27/06/2020 12:26

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 12:26

@Crunchymum

You can't see much on a WhatsApp status???

Hello, I dont think many people know about whats app status, in this way - might be educating a few people. I think youre thinking of the "online" etc status.

Next to chats on your chat screen, is status, you use this to upload photos or texts to your contacts, lovely way of keeping in contact with people who don't have SM and keeping touch with only your inner circle.

I'm Android so I dont know how this looks on others phone, but see image below.
Pictures upload last 24 hours.

You can 'mute' people, but instead of disappearing totally they just go to a drop down menu.

I use status instead of any SM to stay in touch with family rather than sending out several pictures to different relatives around the world.

For clarity OW only seemed to start using status when she found out i did. She's very active on all other forms of SM. Ive even had to block her before now from a online selling platform as she started following me! Bizarre behaviour imo.

OP posts:

TwoTribes · 27/06/2020 12:26

I was thinking of deleting her number whilst the wedding is happening to avoid seeing the status and feeling tempted to look, but I dont think i should incase she needs to contact me regarding DS.

His dad can contact you if needed. Just do yourself a favour and delete her.

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 12:27

Sorry forgot image (red circle shows status)

OP posts:

GreyishDays · 27/06/2020 12:28

My daughter and her friends update their WhatsApp status, like a Facebook one. (They’re 11 .)

midsomermurderess · 27/06/2020 12:32

3 hen dos and she is marrying a man who cheats. Good luck to her.

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/06/2020 12:35

@Blackravenbaby just had a look and yes my whatsapp does have that, but not one of my contacts appears to have used it yet, and most of my text conversations are through WhatsApp. It appears to be a different window on the app, can you not just not look at that page? Though you’re well within your rights to delete her number, speak to your ex about your son theres no reason you need to speak to her

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 12:59

Ohh.. i just wrote a reply address PPs and it seems to have no posted a disappeared...

To answer questions:

I use whats app status as a way to show extended family in different countries photos of DC or whatever, some aren't on SM. I dont use SM. Its easier I do this than send individual photos to several people.
Once OW found out that I used whats app, she started to use it too. She's very active on all SM so very little need for whats app.
Shes always the first to view my status pictures usually by minutes. Where as I have hers on mute and never open them.

She does act very strange. Even finding me a following me on an online selling platform.. i had to block her!

To those saying to contact my Ex re: DS.
Yes this is my preferred option, and I do so as much as possible, however OW handles all aspects of thier life, including kids (which she had one previous, and one together now)
I rang ex to talk about DS some time ago - very rare phone call - and it was obvious I was on speaker phone, as she was answering the questions for EX and I got alot of "OW says..." "OW knows...."
Hes not allowed an original thought in his head.

I have actually tried to build a relationship with OW for the kids, but OW acted so bizarrely it didn't work out - she would get upset if Ex was chatting to me and storm out of the house, bring up the past, bring up the affair, she even got drunk and told my DP he shouldn't be with me! -
We stopped trying when it got too much in front of the kids and did the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.

This is of course nothing to do with the original question in my thread, but wanted to clear some stuff up for PPs!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 13:01

and thank you for the support everyone - it really messes with your mental health and its almost a relief to read such lovely replies from people.

OP posts:

MrsGarethSouthgate · 27/06/2020 13:04

Deleting her number won't stop her contacting you, it will just mean you don't have to see her status so by all means do it.

TwoTribes · 27/06/2020 13:11

I think you are making this harder than it needs to be OP. Just delete her number. They can still contact you re ds if they need to.

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 13:28

Like I said, it has derailed off topic, the point of my thread was wedding related more than ex/OW related but I think deleting her number would be the absolute best thing to do...
Would love to get back to topic on thread re: wedding highs.

Ive never been one for weddings. I am actually now engaged but im no way planning my wedding, ive never been the type to dream of a big white wedding, and my first one was done very private....but due to being a long time ago I cannot actually remember how I felt afterwards.
Does the warm glow of that day still last?!
Everything went so awful in the end of the first marriage its hard to look at it with any views that aren't clouded by my own marriages end.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackravenbaby · 27/06/2020 13:39

My second post similar to my first was because I couldn't see the first one! MN must have taken a while to update for some reason! Apologies for the repeat!

OP posts:

Susanna85 · 27/06/2020 13:48

For what it's worth, she's probably feeling incredibly insecure and that's why she's putting on such a show. Especially if you and ex already had a wedding - she'll be trying to compete, unfortunately, in an attempt to erase your wedding. Obviously that can't be done and a second wedding won't mean what a first wedding meant. And she'll probably find herself as the ex wife at some point, with an OW arriving on the scene.

Put your phone on loud as they will call if an emergency. And then stay off watsapp while they're away for the wedding. Your DC can call you surely if he needs you. In the meantime, plan something nice to do of your own.

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