How long does the wedding "high" last

[Blackravenbaby]

Have just been thinking about it all really.

My exH due to get married to OW (its abroad and my son is going, its in the next month or so and the paranoia about him traveling is eating me up, but thats not the topic of the thread)

OW has been making a huge song and dance about this wedding for the last 18 months or so, she's had 3 hen do's.

I feel sick that they think its appropriate that my DS (7) is "giving her away" - im sure its a calculated stab at me (she's very jealous and insecure about me, despite her getting 'ultimately what she wanted')

I just want the wedding to come and go away. I have her on whats app and see her status, due to having her phone number as she contacts me about DS rather than his father because she is controlling. I was thinking of deleting her number whilst the wedding is happening to avoid seeing the status and feeling tempted to look, but I dont think i should incase she needs to contact me regarding DS.

Anyway thats my back story, I rememeber when I got married I was so excited, but I cant remember how I felt afterwards!

How did you feel after the big day had finished? Do you still look back with happy memories? Did it change your relationship for the better/worse? How long did your wedding high last?

@Susanna85

For what it's worth, she's probably feeling incredibly insecure and that's why she's putting on such a show. Especially if you and ex already had a wedding - she'll be trying to compete, unfortunately, in an attempt to erase your wedding. Obviously that can't be done and a second wedding won't mean what a first wedding meant. And she'll probably find herself as the ex wife at some point, with an OW arriving on the scene.

Put your phone on loud as they will call if an emergency. And then stay off watsapp while they're away for the wedding. Your DC can call you surely if he needs you. In the meantime, plan something nice to do of your own.

Thank you. DS doesn't have any form of contact other than Ex or OW. I'm sure ill be hearing from OW whilst they are away as she won't be able to help herself, but i am prepared for this. And thank you for the words re: my wedding vs. thiers, its nice to have perspective of other on what could make her like she is - i don't get it. She got her "prize" so why she doesn't just let me be and leave me alone, I dont know.

Its so nice to hear some supportive words and advice. I dont really talk to anyone about all this in RL.

She sounds like such a twat OP. Painfully insecure.

Also noone is ever truly happy for a couple who had an affair on their wedding day are they. Lets be honest 😂.
I went to a wedding of an affair couple once and sat there the whole time thinking they should be ashamed of themselves, and I thought of all the people who'd been hurt by this 'love'. Wouldn't have gone but it was a relative of my partner.

To be honest a lot of my friends experienced a huge comedown after their weddings.

If she's the type who loves everything to be about her, she's not going to like the fact that normal life resumes straight away.

I dont know if people will be happy or not, she's lost alot of friends, i think she made thier story about two lovers who belonged together (they knew each other before ex met me, cant say too much of the full story as it would be very outing with my other posts on the thread)

I know she went on a hen do abroad and came back with no friends, after they all fell out. Apparently they were slagging her off on her hen do.

My ex is also no longer friends with his childhood mate due to her behaviour.

She did change the narrative of thier relationship to make them look good, so prehaps people will be happy for them.

I'm indifferent, I just wish I could get rid of her out of my life, that she would stop making herself so present in mine. I cant wait until DS is older and can communicate with me without thier input and talk for himself!

Delete her number and deal only with your ex, he's the parent of your child not her, you're allowing her to twist the knife.

The wedding high will differ from person to person. Some people want all the pomp and ceremony, others it's a simple practical event, I certainly didn't have a wedding high.

The fact you're thinking about this and asking says you're hurting about it all which is understandable. Letting her rub your face in it isn't going to help. The fact she wants to should tell you everything about how happy she really is. She's painting you a picture and creating an illusion. But remember you have a choice and you don't have to be party to any of this.

I don’t know if you’d have a high after a wedding in these circumstances.....a relationship that started by causing pain and living with deceit....it’s a bit of a toxic, dirty start.

I would have thought it would feel pretty different to the wedding high of a marriage that started only with peace and joy.

Hiya guys...

just a little update, I have in fact deleted her number and today I'm thinking of changing my actual phone number, and hopefully EX not giving it to her.

It came to head when yesterday she started posting photos of my son & things about the wedding on whats app.

I took on board what you all said about not having to put up with any of it, and have delted her number.

I think this means she cannot see my whats app now and I can't see hers.

I came off social media 2 years ago because of her too - as she was watching my profile and assuming anything I wrote was about her, even when she was blocked i later found out she had a fake profile that she would go on, or find out stuff through my ex H mutual friends with me -
all this confirmed by her when I tried to get on with them for the kids.

Once I deleted her number I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, I do not want to know about the wedding.. i feel the same dread I did when they had thier first child (i have fertility problems)

Thanks for all who replied to give me some strength, this has been going on for 5 years, and shes a constant in my life- she even put her daughter in the same school as DS, so i have to see her on the school run - lockdown was a relief as I didnt have to see her twice a day anymore.

Thanks again everyone, hopefully this will put a stop to her trying to get at me (although I'm sure she will find a way )

Well done. Now take joy in the fact that she's obviously a total psycho and being married to (and the divorcing) her is plenty of punishment for your ex!

Thank you @countdowntofriday
Ive never spoke openly about all this, until i did here, i have been trying to be the bigger person for such a long time and putting myself through all these mental games she keeps playing, because she was OW i kept thinking that it was my fault and I should be OK with it, and rise above it.

The responses I've had on here shows that I shouldn't be OK with it, i can't believe the amount of support I've had.

I guess she must be miserable to spend so much time focusing on me - i just don't get it when she got her 'prize' ?

If anyone can make sense of it, please do, seems 'I can't see the word through the trees' if that makes sense!

My ex got remarried 12 years ago and still every time he and his wife can they send photos of the wedding - every birthday card for Ds for example is a moonpig creation of them on their wedding day. Ds is 17 and finds it fucking hilarious especially as his step mum has never really liked him.

On the wedding day she kept sending me photos of everything that even had a sniff of Ds in the photos - even her getting her dress on with the back of Ds head in view on the balcony

We’d been divorced 3 years at that point and I had got remarried the previous year. I don’t know what she was trying to prove to herself, she’s just odd I think.

Just rise above it all OP.

Oh and she was the OW too. So it’s insecurity on her part, constantly having to prove that my ex is ‘hers’.

I feel quite sorry for her really, it must be exhausting.

Step MIL is still jealous of MIL despite winning her ‘prize’ and being married twice as long as MIL was to FIL. And they are pensioners now...

Some people are just insanely insecure. Sometimes it’s from a subconscious fear DH will cheat or grow bored, sometimes it’s just that he had feelings strong enough to marry someone else and that’s where the jealousy lies. I reckon that could be it for your OW especially as she knew him first. She was there and he went off and married you. Even if they weren’t romantically involved before that there was still a time when he knew both of your and wanted you, not her. It’s not always logical and she just can’t let go.

@billyjoearmstrong thats exactly something she would do, I am fully preparing for it.
She even told me she's having a service after the wedding to remember my mother and a member of her family who passed away....

My mother died as I was selling the house Dh and I owned because he was leaving for her.

.....she never met my mother? So this is another thing I really dont understand?

As well as the whole my son giving her away (he was much wanted child of fertility treatment. I cant say too much as too outing, but OW had already touched our lives before DS was born. Im sure having DS 'give her away" rather than her own son, or a male family memeber, is her way of rubbing it in)

Ive sat here and read through the thread and when I see things written down, it starting to dawn on me how bizarre everything is. I cant believe ive never opened up about this before, I honestly feel like I've been in an abusive relationship for the last few years now ive started talking about it. I didnt realise the hurt and pain caused

She even told me she's having a service after the wedding to remember my mother and a member of her family who passed away....

Ok this stinks of someone who just loves to play the martyr but is obsessed with drama

@MiddleClassProblem

You are right!.. she was romanticly involved before DH met me, they had been for a few years- within a year of them being apart, DH had met and married me. I suppose it would make sense that her jealousy and mental games with me would come from a place of him not choosing her first?

Now I am thinking about it when they first got back together- there was alot of "we belong together/15 years ago we met/separate paths/always meant to be" rubbish...

I honestly can't belive ive never put all this together to make a bigger picture before. Just put up with the mental games she inflicts.

That makes perfect sense then. In her mind: First time round he was with her and she wasn’t enough for him to want to marry her/make it work, then he meets you and you’re better than her because he wants to marry you and does.

It doesn’t natter if she has him now/throughly enjoyed taking him from you. She will always have a scar that he saw a future with you when he didn’t with her at some point.

Add on that she’s a manipulative drama queen... eeesh.

Oh and she’s probably pissed at you that you have moved on to someone else and are not pining after your ex because that would benefit her superior narrative hence her telling your DP not to be with you. She’s angry that you have moved in rather than part of her drama.

She even told me she's having a service after the wedding to remember my mother and a member of her family who passed away....

Now that is a whole different layer of crazy. Why?!

In answer to the question - we were in a lovely newlywed bubble for about a year.

But we were young, it was a first wedding for us both and no children from our or previous relationships.

Totally different to your ex and his partner who are both embarking on 2nd marriages/ltrs and who both have children. I don’t understand people attempting marriage for the 2nd time doing the whole big shebang.

@MiddleClassProblem

Oh and she’s probably pissed at you that you have moved on to someone else and are not pining after your ex because that would benefit her superior narrative hence her telling your DP not to be with you. She’s angry that you have moved in rather than part of her drama.

This confused me, but now makes perfect sense. Before I met DP I was with someone else. When that broke down out of the blue, OW was all "omg, you must be heartbroken, we should go for food, you can talk to me anytime etc etc" When met DP a short time after she was horrible about it and caused some real problems (having an opinion on DS meeting him etc, getting my ex H wound up) When we all tried the 'let's be friends' bit (which I thought would stop her making my life miserable) she told DP not to be with me at every opportunity when I wasn't around - ie. When I was out of the room, if I was busy with the kids. It even got to a point where it caused a couple of arguments between DP and I because DP couldn't understand why this woman was so cruel about me and started to wonder if there was more to it! It was horrible.

When DP and i met, our joint finances together we are able to buy a home out of my reach previously and I have nicer stuff than I did before. We have been searching the market a nice home for some time....she even told DP to "be wary of her, and dont buy a house with her"

I couldnt understand what she could have meant, as when ex and I sold up it was 50/50 down the line, he got everything he wanted and used the money to buy a house with her, meanwhile I had to spend all the profit on stuggling in a flat for the first few years after he left.
There certainly was nothing to warn my now DP over.

It has to be jealousy, doesnt it?

I'm probably talking way too much now, and I've totally derailed my own thread, but after so many years of this torture, everyone who answers this thread is really helping me put things together/in perspective. Ive felt so emotionally battered for so long, really.

Why is she even having the opportunity to speak to your DP? I’d nip it in the bud.

You don’t have to be friends. You have your Ds in common and that is it.

She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Because I stupidly thought that if we could just all get on, then she would see that she didn't have to do these things, and prehaps she would leave me alone and back off - she would also do things like stand in my DCS playground at pick up, instead of her DCs- it was getting unbearable.

So we had about handful of meet ups for DCS birthdays or special occasions

...she would also sign her DC up to the same after school clubs i signed my DC up to - forcing me to see her.

It was on these occasions she got to my DP.

I just thought of the 'keep your enemies close' might work for us.

It didn't.

Oh God, it sounds like a nightmare and to be honest you need to disengage.

Let her stand where she wants. If she speaks to you smile and keep the conversation to a minimum.

Grey rock her basically.

You are letting her have control over you. She’s insecure - it will never get any better. Now is the time
For you to disengage from her frankly odd behaviour.

She’s basically feeding off you - cut off the supply.