How long does the wedding "high" last

[Blackravenbaby]

Have just been thinking about it all really.

My exH due to get married to OW (its abroad and my son is going, its in the next month or so and the paranoia about him traveling is eating me up, but thats not the topic of the thread)

OW has been making a huge song and dance about this wedding for the last 18 months or so, she's had 3 hen do's.

I feel sick that they think its appropriate that my DS (7) is "giving her away" - im sure its a calculated stab at me (she's very jealous and insecure about me, despite her getting 'ultimately what she wanted')

I just want the wedding to come and go away. I have her on whats app and see her status, due to having her phone number as she contacts me about DS rather than his father because she is controlling. I was thinking of deleting her number whilst the wedding is happening to avoid seeing the status and feeling tempted to look, but I dont think i should incase she needs to contact me regarding DS.

Anyway thats my back story, I rememeber when I got married I was so excited, but I cant remember how I felt afterwards!

How did you feel after the big day had finished? Do you still look back with happy memories? Did it change your relationship for the better/worse? How long did your wedding high last?

Thank you @billyjoearmstrong- you've been so helpful to me. Totally derailed my own thread but something opened the flood gates on whats been going on.

I shall go back down the route of disengage and ignore.... not that its worked before....

I totally understand your situation.

When I fell pregnant with Dd my exes new wife sent me a message to say congratulations and that she was glad ex h maintenance meant that we could afford another child, because he was paying it they could never afford to have a baby together* - that was the last straw for me but instead of giving her the reaction she wanted I just replied “thank you for the congratulations - we are all very happy”. I decided then never to raise to their bait again.

Every time I just ignore or send a short but sweet and very polite message - it eats them up that I won’t rise to it but it’s all so childish!

*bullshit as when they were first together over sharer ex h told me, for some unknown reason, that Ds was going to remain his only child as she had a hysterectomy after her 2nd child. Some people are just nuts.

Disengaging will make you feel better.

Crikey !
She sounds obsessed with you OP.
Glad you are now seeing the bigger picture.
Once the wedding is over it will be something else.
Disengage, go grey rock, lock down SM.
Deal with your ex only regarding DC.
Boundaries - look up the shark cage
Its very useful

I don’t think you’ve derailed it at all as it’s all connected and the grey rock will help you with the wedding stuff too.

But I would be wary in the future of any manipulation of DS. She seems to enjoy drama above anything else. Don’t go looking for it but just keep your ears and eyes open in regards to him.

My DS is very affected by OW, she can be very manipulating- ie. "Dont tell mummy X Y Z"
If anything has come up in conversation regarding ex or OW you can see DS shut down, and ive told him he can tell me anything and doesn't have to keep any secrets from mummy.

She can be very angry eg. Tantrums etc and I belive my DS has had this trait from her as he is prone to them now, answering back and talking down to others.

Her DC can be spiteful and i see and hear her DC (older) in my DS.

Lockdown has made it worse as DS is spending much more time in the company of OW.

I'm hoping when things get back to normal my DS will start behaving like himself again

I never heard of grey rock or shark cage, so will do some research to help me through. I know I keep saying it but this has been such a eye opener with all the support.

I think it’s ok to talk to DS about the behaviour stuff. Tbh most kids are getting very angry during lockdown with a lot of out of character strops. It may be that too right now.

But it is worth an open chat about how he’s feeling when he gets like that, how he thinks it might make you feel etc, what might be a good release for when he does feel like that.

I totally agree, have taken the lockdown into account too, it a very confusing and difficult time for everyone.
I will try an open discussion with him the next time, he does tend to calm up, i get the feeling he is scared of saying the wrong thing-
Hopefully it'll calm down after this wedding..

Op take yourself " out of her game"
Grey Rock is basically making yourself like a grey rock dull, not interested and reply with neutral statements, although tbh I would cut all contact with her and only communicate with your Ex.

Shark cage is about building your boundaries .
Good luck