responding to sexist fuckwit

[Foxesinsockses]

Just packing up my groceries into the car and herding children into their car seats when this chap wanders by (clearly heading for the shop) and says 'A woman's work is never done!' I look a bit baffled as I'm trying to think of a reply and he says 'I'm on my own now, so I have to do these things too' I said 'well I'm sure men can manage perfectly well' (trying to be sort of nice, even though I am thinking WTF??). He replies, wandering off 'I was in the military my dear, we didn't have ladies to look after us'. I sort of smiled/glared and said again 'And I'm sure you manage perfectly well'

then I slammed the tailgate shut and muttered 'twat' to myself.

'Ladies' FFS.

I mean it's not my mission in life to give some random bloke a feminist lecture in a supermarket car park but seriously, I should have done something more shouldn't I?

A perhaps lonely man tries to have lighthearted chit chat with you and he’s a sexist fuckwit?

Some people really need to get a life.

He has a point.
Women do far too much of the grunt work.

TheMurk d'you think I'm irrationally angry? Maybe I am . But I don't care if he's lonely, as a matter of fact I'm bloody lonely too, but I don't go around starting light hearted chit chat with men based solely on gender role assumptions.

Was he an older chap? Fully appreciate it pressed your buttons (it would mine, tbh) but it doesn’t sound as though he meant any offence.

I think you’re trying to make something of nothing. He just making observations based on his own experience in life. Nothing he said was sexist or makes him a fuckwit.

What’s wrong with ladies?

Poor guy.

The Murk I respectfully disagree. EVERYTHING he said was sexist.

Because he used the words woman and ladies?

With hindsight Id probably like to say something along the lines of "just goes to show you men are more capable than you act when a woman is there to do the dirty work for you", all while smiling. Might not have either thought of it or even had the guts to say it at the time though

Oh FGS.

Why not just say “I know, it’s a nightmare mate!” With a big smile and get on with your day?

No.

'A woman's work is never done' = shopping, herding children is a woman's work.

'I'm on my own now, so I have to do these things too' = If his wife wasn't deceased/left him he wouldn't be at the supermarket, cos shopping is women's work

'I was in the military, we didn't have ladies to look after us' = If I hadn't spent time in a male-only environment, I'd have had every right to expect a woman to do the woman's work,

And I'm sure he meant no offence. But that's part of the problem isn't it. We just say, oh, he's a nice chap, he didn't mean any offence. the point is he wouldn't even have thought that any offence might have been taken, because he probably thought that his perspective was entirely reasonable.

We don't challenge enough, IMHO

Seems like he was sympathising with you, and was probably the sort of gentlemanly chap who holds doors open for ladies.

Overthinking this WAY too much.

Honestly I think you need to say how old he likely was. Because if he's older, his comments are based on his factual lived experience where a woman would have been expected to do these things and where it was unusual for a man to do them.

this is overthinking.. and i would have laughed and continued my buisiness, its a stranger and you percieved what he said as an insult but that was your perception.. let it go...

I would expect an old man to say that and if it were someone of pensionable age I’d put it down to him trying to be friendly.

I agree with you OP

I still don’t see why he’s a fuckwit? Even if you perceive what he said to be sexist, what makes him a fuckwit?

Why is it okay for you to publicly shame a person who simply passed the time of day with you and use a derogatory term to describe him?

It's hardly publicly shaming when it's anonymous is it? We have no idea who this man is.

Okay but he’s a fuckwit is he?

I think this kind of petty fault finding is what is wrong with modern society. People can’t do anything right.

It’s a very tenuous accusation to call him sexist, but to add fuckwit? Why? To really hammer it home how much he upset you?

Come on to fuck. Really.

Why be rude to a lonely old man? There's enough nastiness at the moment!

I think if he lives alone, he’s isolated, desperate for some social interaction - any interaction - and was just being friendly.

Just as you have every right to be hot, tired and irritated.

Jeez what on earth do you do when you meet an unfriendly person. Shoot them?

Fuckwit was probably an unnecessarily rude term, I'll grant you.

I don't see how I am publicly shaming a man who might live anywhere between Scrabster and Southend by recounting a conversation that nobody was party to but him and me?

He didn't just pass the time of day with me though did he? Absolutely everything he said was based on me being a woman and him being a man. As for the sympathy angle - I was just doing the shopping! Not harassed and juggling children and bags etc. I was simply putting everyone and bags in car. Calm, perfectly normal.

He's not have said any of it if I was a man. Or been accompanied by a man. He said it because I was a woman, and seemed to think that I'd agree.

I dunno.

He was not that old. 60 ish.

About 10 years older than me.

But you are a woman and he’s a man?

Sorry I really don’t get why this would upset you.

He meant you no harm, he did you no harm.

@Patsypie

Why be rude to a lonely old man? There's enough nastiness at the moment!

so true i think their was a misunderstanding.. often is