responding to sexist fuckwit

[Foxesinsockses]

Just packing up my groceries into the car and herding children into their car seats when this chap wanders by (clearly heading for the shop) and says 'A woman's work is never done!' I look a bit baffled as I'm trying to think of a reply and he says 'I'm on my own now, so I have to do these things too' I said 'well I'm sure men can manage perfectly well' (trying to be sort of nice, even though I am thinking WTF??). He replies, wandering off 'I was in the military my dear, we didn't have ladies to look after us'. I sort of smiled/glared and said again 'And I'm sure you manage perfectly well'

then I slammed the tailgate shut and muttered 'twat' to myself.

'Ladies' FFS.

I mean it's not my mission in life to give some random bloke a feminist lecture in a supermarket car park but seriously, I should have done something more shouldn't I?

Sounded like he was commiserating with you not criticising you.
I mean you're the one who experienced the conversation but it doesn't come across as anything other than a lonely person trying to make small talk.

patsypie why assume he's old and lonely? And actually I wasn't rude to him. I'm being rude ABOUT him now, I accept.

Not getting the sexism OP? Would you have been so peeved if a middle aged woman had made that comment to you?

@TheMurk

But you are a woman and he’s a man?

Sorry I really don’t get why this would upset you.

He meant you no harm, he did you no harm.

Because of the assumptions that go (unchallenged) with those biological facts! Can you not see the issue with that? (aware that I am straying into dangerous territory here . . . backing off slowly . . .)

I think you need to just go back to isolating really

Thanks TheGinGenie

bethg21 thanks for your hilarious and witty input. Not that it matters but I've been working my arse off 'on the COVID front line' for the last 3 months while trying to raise 2 children on my own, isolation didn't feature for me I'm afraid, but maybe that's what I need.

Would a woman comment like that? I've offered to help other women but I've never felt the need to loudly announce what they are doing.

It would piss me off too. I would assume that he is also the kind of bloke that assumes I can’t reverse park and stands right in my field of vision, flapping his arms around “helpfully” until I yell at him to fuck off out of the way so I can see what I am doing.
I would have said something like “I think you’ll find this is everyone’s work in this day and age, mate. Get with the programme.”

I think he used a sexist cliché to express sympathy for your busy life. Maybe he could see you were stressed and wanted to show support, yes he got it wrong, but I can't see any reason to think his motivation was to make you feel bad.

When you responded, he realised he'd annoyed you and tried (and failed) to show you he was not trying to upset you by saying he has and does look after himself.

I see why, when stressed and no doubt hot you might have been annoyed but it's not like he said "women are only good for cooking cleaning and sex".

The saying a woman's work is never done, is sympathetic to women, it points out just how much is/was expected of women. There's no day off for a mum in a traditional family setting.

Think this is a massive overreaction.
Old bloke (who does sound lonely, i’m on my own now’, sounds as if he was just trying to a have a conversation and giving you sympathy.

Kindness has gone out of the window.

@Foxesinsockses
Dr Zeus would be turning in his grave.
And if your grandpa or great grandpa had experienced a similar interaction with another person, how would you feel if said person felt affronted enough to start a thread on a website?

@Foxesinsockses
Look up all of Dr Zeuss’s Work
You might find yourself shamed in them.

What more could you have done?.... Report him to the department of random strangers making chit chat in a supermarket carpark? 😳

If something is not used in the derogatory sense, I don’t so a problem. Let’s face it, “A woman’s work is never done” does have an element of truth. Not that jobs are gender based but in many 2 income households women end up doing more work.

As for use of the term “ladies” l have a lesbian friend who always refers to her partner as “my lady”.

Not that it matters but I've been working my arse off 'on the COVID front line' for the last 3 months while trying to raise 2 children on my own,

Sounds like he was right then doesn't it?

It sounds as though he meant well and was sympathising not criticising. My dear old mum used to come out with some corkers as well but they dated back to when she was a young mum - why do you need to work, can't your husband support you? Etc, etc. Used to put my teeth on edge and I sense this was your reaction. I'm late 60s and I struggle sometimes to see the world through my grandchildren's eyes. Perhaps be kind and not judgmental.

I think it’s the assumption that “ladies” are put on this earth to “look after” others, I.e., serve and facilitate the lives of men, that would have annoyed me. And yes it would have annoyed me hugely.

I agree OP, it was a sexist stereotype that he was alluding to. Amazed how many people don't see it that way! Slightly depressing. Presumably we should all keep slugging on while the men read the paper with a nice cup of tea?

I once had a neighbour tell me I parked my car very well for a woman. I was so taken back by it my mind went blank and I just kind of vaguely smiled at him. I got in doors and went on a massive rant. The kind of thing where you come up with loads of witty come backs about 20 minutes after its happened. So annoying

Gosh, definitely over reacting.
I would've just laughed it off because he is right, women's work is never done it is part of being a mother.

A perhaps lonely man tries to have lighthearted chit chat with you and he’s a sexist fuckwit?

A "perhaps lonely man" decided that the OP was very busy and therefore needed to be distracted from what she was done to engage with his idle chit chat about how he no longer has a house elf wife to do his fucking bidding and it's not sexist somehow?

Of course it is. Why do people feel compelled to make excuses for arseholes?

I don't know what you could have said OP other than "Yep, I best get on with it really".

Ugh I'm with you OP! Can't believe how many are minimizing it. V sexist and outdated "joke".

The first comment I could have chalked up to idle boring crap chit chat but the second one puts it in context doesn't it?

He has to do those things because his wife has cleverly fucked off. Although from sounds of it he didn't even have to do what you were doing as he wasn't with kids?

@Foxesinsockses

No.

'A woman's work is never done' = shopping, herding children is a woman's work.

'I'm on my own now, so I have to do these things too' = If his wife wasn't deceased/left him he wouldn't be at the supermarket, cos shopping is women's work

'I was in the military, we didn't have ladies to look after us' = If I hadn't spent time in a male-only environment, I'd have had every right to expect a woman to do the woman's work,

And I'm sure he meant no offence. But that's part of the problem isn't it. We just say, oh, he's a nice chap, he didn't mean any offence. the point is he wouldn't even have thought that any offence might have been taken, because he probably thought that his perspective was entirely reasonable.

We don't challenge enough, IMHO

😂😂😂😂 Wow.

@bethg21

I think you need to just go back to isolating really

This.