What age do you think is too old to have a baby?

[BabyLlamaZen]

I've seen a few threads related to this. What would you say is the cut off age for a woman specifically to be pregnant and have a baby? Or is there no cut of age - is it ok to have children in your 60s if medical advancement allows it?

This is such a tricky thing. I personally feel 45 maximum for actively trying, including medical help to do this.

My reasons I suppose are personal. Best friend was a surprise baby (parents aged 40 and 42). Reasonably healthy people but both no longer around. I know this is also unlucky that they both got cancer in their 70s, but also really not that strange. She's 30 and luckily had her children in her 20s so they got to meet them. She was so so worried about them being around for them, so it's it's that she almost knew. (She was also lucky meeting her husband early!)

My parents were mid 30s but I also lost one. Again, I know this can happen at any age, but it defintely increases chances as you get older. It was so painful to my siblings and I. I could never say to my remaining parent, but it's one of the reasons I had my son at 29.

I get that it's difficult having children young in current climates with finding a decent relationship, having a good job and the whole unaffordability of housing, but that's why people are having them mid 30s. Not mid 40s!

However, I know this may sound very unfair to those who have for whatever reason not been able to have children earlier. So really interested to see different views :)

31 is on the younger side where I live. I'm not sure I know anyone of my generation who had kids before 27. In London.

Most people round here have been to university and/or worked for several years before having children. I would say that in most cases the earliest that anyone has had a child would be late 20s.
In my team of 20.all of us have kids. The manager had hers at 21
Deputy had 3 kids by 25
3 senior staff all, uni had their families complete at 28.
Everyone of had children and finished our families by 31.
The youngest staff us 31 and she days she's done!
This seems pretty typical across our departments.
Maybe it's a regional thing, same as female still changes her name when she gets married!

I'm having my third and last at 30. I didn't even plan on having this one, my last I had when I was 23. I'm really struggling with pregnancy, but then I always do. I always said I wouldn't have anymore after 30 though.
My mum was 32 when she had me, and at that time she was one of the older mum's.

It's probably to do with the cost of housing where we live notacooldad. Most of the houses are quite well up the housing ladder and probably only affordble once you have an established career. There are very few rental properties or council houses in our village, and the primary school is outstanding, which also drives up the local house prices.

Well lah dee dah

I had my dc at 27 through Ivf, she's nearly 9 now. I was married, had a degree and a masters, owned a house and was very financially secure so this was definitely the right time for me. I'm so glad I didn't delay ttc as it would've been much harder having ivf in 30's or 40's. When I had my dc I was the youngest in the baby groups by about 7 years. Most people here do have their babies later. Where I'm from most people start about 23ish, which is why trying relatively young felt normal for me.

Dh and I considered ivf again a few years ago but after tests my chances were tiny so we decided not to. I'm so grateful for what I do have and now that my friends are having babies im so glad I don't have to go through that again at my age. I'll be 45 when my dc is 18.

But I dont understand waiting till pushing 40 when you could have had them in your early thirties, for instance.

I think we come at having children from completely different perspectives. In my world, most people don't even live in the same country as their parents for large chunks of their adult life, so the idea that people might timetable their children to benefit from childcare from their parents (who are assumed to be close by and willing/capable/conveniently not working) and/or in order that they are available to look after their pwn children's children is quite strange.

I've lived in a variety of countries other than my home country since I was 21, and would be very surprised if my son lives anywhere near me in adulthood when he will have the world at his feet -- and early experience of moving countries and languages. My concept of the parent-child relationship doesn't involve some kind of childcare/OAP care quid pro quo, or the assumption of proximity.

So I had my child at a time that suited me.

@notacooldad

It's much better for the environment to delay parenthood What do you mean?

The younger people have children the higher the population doubling rate. This means a) more generations alive at any one time (school friend has her first at 21, her mother, grandmother and great grandmother were all still alive because they'd all done the same, that's 5 generations all alive and using up the earth's resources at the same time) and b) if one family has DC in their 20s and another has their children in their 30s and a third has their children in their 40s but they have the same family sizes then after 100 or 200 years there will be far more descendants of the family who had their children in their 20s and fewest for the family who had children in their 40s. Delaying parenthood generation after generation massively reduces your impact on resource use and the environment, it has more of an impact than having a smaller family.

I dont think theres an age too old, as long as you can do all the care and pay your bills then your good to go, nobody owes your children anything except you. When mine have kids the door will be open for them to visit whenever, but as wolfgirl, if Im on a beach somewhere enjoying my 40's and 50's I may not be in! But in my case I will probably still have a few of them with me

@CountFosco feel free to get pregnant whenever you want but not before 25?

Who are you to tell people what is too young? How about if you are younger than 25 but can afford it, is that alright with you?

20-40 for both the mother and the father feels most natural (?)

How about if you are younger than 25 but can afford it, is that alright with you?

It's not about money it's about emotional maturity and the stability of the parent's relationship. Both of which are likely to be greater post 25.

It's not about money it's about emotional maturity and the stability of the parent's relationship. Both of which are likely to be greater post 25

That’s such bullshit

For me personally late 30's
For anyone else 42. 60 with an 18 YO might not be too bad if they are mature, but a 16 YO at 60 - hell no thanks!
But each to their own.
I had mine at 29 and was done!

I think it's over 35 you become a geriatric mother? So not over 35, although lots of my friends and family will have kids later than that because they are prioritising their careers. I would love to see women be better supported to have babies younger but retain their careers

It's probably to do with the cost of housing where we live notacooldad
Quite possibly!
I am always saddened when I see posts on here about housing costs nearer the capital and in the south.young people there seem to have not much chance, in general of getting on the property ladder until they are older if they want to buy their own place.

I really think it varies. I'm 45 and have had perimenopause symptoms since I was 42. I'm generally feeling tired, low on energy and a bit slower/stiffer. I can't think of anything worse than having to deal with a newborn now or deal with a toddler/very young child as I go through the menopause. I think some women have a really tough time in their late 40s/early 50s with menopause symptoms. Of course everyone's different. If you're feeling really energetic and full of life at 45 then go for it - but realise the next few years might change how you feel!

I was 31 when I had my youngest. Did consider trying for a baby at 35 but decided against it and that I was 'done'.

I think there’s no limit rly

"But you're talking like having children is an awful life-stopper so why do it sooner than you have to, which I find a really weird way of looking at it.*

I haven't said anything like that!. I'm talking about upsides, not absolutes. I'd have had a baby at 28 if I had met someone I wanted to have one with. I'm talking about the upsides of having a baby later. It's not me who's saying there's only one right age to have a baby at and it's the one I chose

In an ideal world, 30. But we aren't in an ideal world. I was 24 with my eldest and 32 with my youngest. I love my youngest but I was the oldest mum on the maternity ward by several years when I had him. Also I'm 5-10 years older than most of his school friends mums. Also my eldest still had 4 active grandparents at my youngest's current age. My youngest doesn't and I feel he has missed out. There are things that you miss out on when you have older parents and I didn't want that for my dc.

The poster put it into perspective having a baby at 42 is all well and good until you have a teenager at 60!!!
I wouldn’t want that not even for the best career in the world and fancy house.

40

In a ideal world women would be financially and emotionally supported so that they could have children aged 20-30 and still have good careers, good housing etc.

@CarterBeatsTheDevil sorry if I misread the tone! But it seems to be a common refrain amongst older mums; 'I wanted time to have fun and be carefree before settling down' like afterwards you can never have fun again!

I loved my child free days, but was really looking forward to the fun of having a family. Maybe some people are just more maternal and see children as less of a 'duty' or box to be ticked.