What age do you think is too old to have a baby?

[BabyLlamaZen]

I've seen a few threads related to this. What would you say is the cut off age for a woman specifically to be pregnant and have a baby? Or is there no cut of age - is it ok to have children in your 60s if medical advancement allows it?

This is such a tricky thing. I personally feel 45 maximum for actively trying, including medical help to do this.

My reasons I suppose are personal. Best friend was a surprise baby (parents aged 40 and 42). Reasonably healthy people but both no longer around. I know this is also unlucky that they both got cancer in their 70s, but also really not that strange. She's 30 and luckily had her children in her 20s so they got to meet them. She was so so worried about them being around for them, so it's it's that she almost knew. (She was also lucky meeting her husband early!)

My parents were mid 30s but I also lost one. Again, I know this can happen at any age, but it defintely increases chances as you get older. It was so painful to my siblings and I. I could never say to my remaining parent, but it's one of the reasons I had my son at 29.

I get that it's difficult having children young in current climates with finding a decent relationship, having a good job and the whole unaffordability of housing, but that's why people are having them mid 30s. Not mid 40s!

However, I know this may sound very unfair to those who have for whatever reason not been able to have children earlier. So really interested to see different views :)

30 is my limit. Had my first at 15, who we sadly lost when he was 6 months. We had another 3, then I lost my husband. I doubt I’ll have anymore but if I do it will be before I then 30. I want my life back at 40!

For me I'd think around 45. I can't get too worried about the fact that the child may lose their parents earlier than most. Of course it's awful when your parents die, but I don't think having them around in your 40s/50s+ is the only thing that makes a happy life. And as for their dc, it's no different to anyone else - most people don't have all four gps healthy and living nearby, actually that would be quite unusual.

For anyone saying that they couldn't do it at x age because they wouldn't want to "go back" to sleepless nights etc is missing the point. Having your first dc at that age means you aren't "going back" to anything.

So true @1300cakes - some of the people saying they'd be too tired in their 40s might be feeling tired because they'd had kids earlier!

I had DC1 at 36 after starting TTC at 33. Then it took 7 pregnancies before I had DC2 at 41. I had seen 43 as my personal cutoff but that was mainly in terms of the widening age gap, wanting to be present for DC1 and taking care of my own mental health after the losses.

I have loved being a parent to DC1 and now after all the trauma, DC2 has given me a new lease of life. I'm studying, starting a new career, losing weight and having a great time playing daft games with the children.

@1300cakes

I also agree with @Mrsjuniper in that you’re right about people saying they wouldn’t want to go back to..... 😂

I was 27 with my first and was equally as tired then as I am now only at least now, I’m financially secure

I'd say much past 40 really. It'd be friggin tough with the nights and the rampant toddler years.

41

I’d have liked to have had DC in my 20s, but life didn’t work out that way. I had my first (and probably only) DC at 36.

I’ve read a few stories of women in their 50s and even older having children via donor egg IVF. One of the oldest women to have had successful treatment (aged 66), sadly died of ovarian cancer when her twins were still toddlers. It has been suggested that the pregnancy hormones may have played a part in her death.

Personally, I think that if you’ve gone through the menopause at the normal age (45-55?), that’s when you should stop having fertility treatment. It might well be different if you’ve gone through the menopause prematurely.

It’s easy for me to say that, though, as I haven’t reached that point yet. The 66-year-old mother I mentioned, wasn’t free to have children earlier as she was her parents’ carer. Her mother lived to 101. Her daughter had expected to live to a great age too, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

It's so personal. Our last baby was at 39, we got a puppy when the youngest was 3 and I was considerably more tired going up and down the stairs to take her out for a wee every hour than I was with the baby. It struck me then that another baby (much as I thought I'd like one in the unlikely event it would happen) would be exhausting! But others might be fitter than me. I would think mid 40s probably absolutely tops.

I only have one friend who had a baby under the age of 30. I can't get my head round the idea of even being able to afford to have a baby before then.

My personal limit was 30 but that's because the women in my immediate family have struggled with their fertility beyond this age, and I feared it would be the same for me so I was keen to have my children in my late twenties and I was lucky to meet someone in time. If it hadn't happened then, well I'd have just kept on trying up to any age.
I don't really care what other people do although having had my children at 27 and 29 it was exhausting and I can't imagine the fatigue at 40+.

As people have said, it’s all so personal but i think the same as you, OP, 45 tops. For the same reasons you state.
Though I’m 28, have 2 children and am definitely done. I always said I wouldn’t like to have kids past 30 but that’s just how I feel and I’m lucky it worked out that way for me.

These threads always amuse me with posters saying 35 tops etc. I'm 41 now with a 3 year old and baby twins. Didn't even start TTC until 37 and didn't want to either. I spent my 20s working hard and partying, by early 30s just getting married, travelling, buying a house, lots more travelling - proper DINKY existence. Moved overseas at 35. I loved my pre-kids years and now I adore this new chapter in my life. We are financially secure and I've got plenty of energy and time for my children. They'll all be adults before I'm 60. Genuinely don't see any problem with these life choices 🤷🏻‍♀️

For me 35

I have had my last at 34

I agree OP 45 is definitely the maximum. Obviously there’s factors like you have stated. But I just think you can’t compare having a baby in your late 20s to having a baby in your mid 40s. I’ve never wanted to be an old mum I remember thinking this when I was younger. You have tones of energy when you are younger and that is generally.
Ideally I think 28 is a good age.

@shinebright72 The thought of a baby at 28 genuinely fills me with horror. Different strokes and all that

"it seems different rules apply for men."

"Well if it's ok for men to have babies however old they like, I think it's fine for women too. Maybe later they need to go a more circuitous route but why should it be ok for men and not for women? Fuck that."

Because biology! It's a bit ridiculous to argue that conception should be exactly the same for women and men because it's so obviously not the same.

I don't think women should be able to have children much later in life just because men can. If anything men shouldn't have children so late, I find it rather awful tbh, so selfish and unfair on the child.

I agree @lifesnotaspectatorsport. These cut-offs depend on so many factors being in place. My imagined one of 35 was based on nothing but my own internal pressure, and I afterwards thought I had probably rushed into it a bit at 32. Also, I know for a fact I would have revised my cut-off all the way up to menopause had the time not been right before then! When I was pregnant with DC1 Luisa Dilner was having her last at 47

37/38 would definitely have been my upper limit, probably 33/34 in reality really. I was 26/28 when I had mine. My grandparents were 40 when they had my dad, he has always resented they were so old I think, they were really close but he saw the downfalls. 40 yos are very different now then back then but my personal opinion is that it is not the age for having children.

My husband was 38 and 40 when we had ours and he will be nearly 60 when our youngest finishes school which is really not ideal, he is a young at heart 53 yo but for practical reasons it's just not ideal.

@lifesnotaspectatorsport whatever age you have a baby it’s going to be a shock and your life will definitely change so from that point of view it’s not age that really matters for that part. Things like the school run though if you start at 40s having kids you will be doing the school run at 50 still.

For me personally 30 but I had DS at 27 and don't want another. If I had wanted more I would have preferred by 30 but 35 at the absolute max. I can't imagine having one at 45 as DS will be 18 then and DH and I will be starting a new chapter of our lives. However I can understand that if you don't meet your partner until your late 30s you would feel differently. I think after 40 the risks are too high in my opinion.

My personal cut off is 35, i used to say 30 but feel no different now from that age. In general id say after early 40s is too risky imo plus having a teenager at 60 sounds like hell, mine will be adults and possibly flown the nest bar 1 before I’m 40.

For me 35 would have been the cut off even though my family was complete by the time I was 30.

Small child + menopause..... no thanks.

I had my children at 27,29 and 31. I wanted them close and to be "done". My sil had three older children when she met bil and I thought she was crazy "starting again" at 35. I honestly thought I was finished after my last child was born 8 years ago. I went back to work, lost weight and got some freedom back. But over the last two years DH and I have been broody and we are now in the process of him getting a vasectomy reversal. I do worry about the potential health risks if I do get pregnant. I'm not worried about the sleep deprivation and starting again as it all goes so fast. I will be 40,41 if I do manage to get pregnant and give birth and I am worried about people's reactions. Just to add my grandmother had my aunt at 43 and my aunt had the best upbringing compared to her 6 older siblings.

@lifesnotaspectatorsport

But don't you worry about the effect on them as adults, ie likely to have caring responsibilities when they are in their 40s and probably have school aged children themselves? Not to mention a lack of hands-on grandparent care etc.

I'm not criticising, just curious as that was one of my considerations when I had mine at 26. In my head I couldn't justify the effect on her life for a bit of extra partying for me.