What age do you think is too old to have a baby?

[BabyLlamaZen]

I've seen a few threads related to this. What would you say is the cut off age for a woman specifically to be pregnant and have a baby? Or is there no cut of age - is it ok to have children in your 60s if medical advancement allows it?

This is such a tricky thing. I personally feel 45 maximum for actively trying, including medical help to do this.

My reasons I suppose are personal. Best friend was a surprise baby (parents aged 40 and 42). Reasonably healthy people but both no longer around. I know this is also unlucky that they both got cancer in their 70s, but also really not that strange. She's 30 and luckily had her children in her 20s so they got to meet them. She was so so worried about them being around for them, so it's it's that she almost knew. (She was also lucky meeting her husband early!)

My parents were mid 30s but I also lost one. Again, I know this can happen at any age, but it defintely increases chances as you get older. It was so painful to my siblings and I. I could never say to my remaining parent, but it's one of the reasons I had my son at 29.

I get that it's difficult having children young in current climates with finding a decent relationship, having a good job and the whole unaffordability of housing, but that's why people are having them mid 30s. Not mid 40s!

However, I know this may sound very unfair to those who have for whatever reason not been able to have children earlier. So really interested to see different views :)

As usual the women who had their kids earlier are bombarding this thread with some horrible comments.

Here is a bit of positivity for older mums-

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/singletons/201606/6-benefits-children-older-mothers%3famp

Being the child of an older mother has many benefits.

So having that one child and older, yes it's great for you the parent but on some level you are setting that child up for a huge amount of care, loss etc. And why dies that not figure? In this discussion?

Every person I know who had to become a child / early carer were born to parents who were in their 20s. The kids born to older parents usually had a lot of money to faciliate their care.

@Nelly, I find that a more than slightly odd viewpoint. It’s ‘not discussed’, I presume, for the same reason that people don’t bustle about informing people with dangerous jobs or life-limiting illnesses or who are smokers or eat junk food or have a family history of heart disease or are poor that they’re ‘setting their child up for loss’.

Had mine at 35 and 37 which felt the upper end of reasonable for me
Am now 42 and feel far too old to have any more but that’ll be mostly due to two dcs having completely exhausted me! Know a few people who’ve had babies at 41/42- they def felt it was the last chance saloon though.

I was 36 when I had my youngest and it's felt like hard work. But I've got a lot more going on than I did when I had the eldest 6 years ago.

I have to admit I look at my cousins who had them as teenagers and can see the benefits- they're my age and their kids are leaving college, while I'm still up to my neck in nappies and sleepless nights. I'd have had a lot more energy for sleepless nights as a late teen/early 20's, but I'm far more financially secure for having waited.

I've got friends who were in their 40's when they had this second, but I'm glad I've finished younger than that, personally.

It's so dependent on so many factors that I'd never judge someone else's choice though.

For me personally, 35 was my limit but that was partially as I didn't want to big a gap between my children and also my age.

Things don't always go to plan though. My oldest friend was an only child and hated it and also had slightly older parents (my mum had me at 18 so compared to me she felt her parents were very old). She always made me promise not to have an only child and yet by circumstance she is likely only to have one child and was 40 when she gave birth which is about 5 years older than her own mum.

Virgoesquse but it's not the same. Being older is bring closer to needing care or death. It's an irrefutable fact. There is a reason why women are unable to have children after a certain age because women are generally the nuturer, caregivers. No woman becomes accident pregnant in their mid 40s unless shes had lots of children already. All women I know who have their first child at that age, fight various issues, battle etc.. it should be discussed. Yes being unhealthy is not good but it does Statistically give the child a better chance of getting to mid age without the burden of care. With peers with similar aged parents. I want to hear from only children of older mothers ( fathers can and do feck off). And it's also common that older mothers are better educated, etc yet still willingly out their desire for a child first, will the full knowledge that said child will probably, most likely have to deal with an elderly parent.

And no I'm not the only child of older parents before anyone asks

LOL, that's very clear, as you are talking from massive assumptions and prejudices.

My limit was 35. X

No woman becomes accident pregnant in their mid 40s unless shes had lots of children already

Quite simply...bollocks!

@TootingBECkons

No woman becomes accident pregnant in their mid 40s unless shes had lots of children already

Quite simply...bollocks!

Yes, that is utter bollocks.

@nellydean21 I agree with you.

Look, the thread was about what age you feel is too old to have a baby. If it is a sensitive subject for some people, maybe they shouldn't have participated.

Yes there is the financial argument. But unless you're confident you will reach the point where you can send them to an elite school and pay their uni fees, to me an extra bedroom and a slightly bigger garden isnt worth losing your parents 10 years earlier. It would have to be life changing money for that to be a worthy argument.

As for life experience, yes generally I think people in their 40s have more life experience. But as mentioned before this will generally be of more pleasurable exploits like holidays, job promotions etc. I'm not sure what this would equate to in terms of parenting. There are 40 somethings I know that have never left home, i certainly have more life experience than they do.

I certainly don’t find it ‘sensitive’, I’m simply pointing out some strange and unfounded fallacies from some posters with very dogmatic and puritanical ideas about parenthood.

What is puritanical about saying if you're older you are more likely to die sooner?

So stories about women who become accidentally pregnant at 45 plus on their first please? Refute my bollix. I'm interested

I have heard of one case of that happening and the lady was 47. She thought she had gone through the menopause. It was a miracle as she had tried for a baby for many years then gave up.

Your various comments about no one needing twenty years of travel/fun.

So stories about women who become accidentally pregnant at 45 plus on their first please? Refute my bollix. I'm interested

Five of my cousins have conceived their first within a month when they were over 45. All of them went on to have at least 2 children.

The thing I panicked approaching 30 that time was ticking, but I didn't have a baby until 35. Then a second at 39, I don't feel old. I'd probably feel it was too old if I had had a baby at 30 and my child was 9.

I would of said 40, but if I hadn't got pregnant by 40 the I would
of kept trying as I wanted a second. So I think the day you turn 43 is my new cut off. Although I'm done now, I have two and I'm very grateful.

Wolf that's lovely hope it worked out well for them.

Other pp were all five accidental first pregnancies?

Grumpy that's great that all five will have each other in their mid 20s with elderly retired mothers. Extended families plays a huge part.

Five of my cousins have conceived their first within a month when they were over 45. All of them went on to have at least 2 children.

I'm not sure I believe this if I'm honest:

At 45, a woman's likelihood of getting pregnant is no more than 3 or 4 percent. That's not to say it's impossible, but assisted reproductive technologies are almost always necessary, with IVF the most common. The few eggs you have left may have chromosomal abnormalities, so screening before IVF is critical," says Dr. Copperman. Success rates are 0 to 1 percent, and most clinics recommend using eggs donated by a younger woman for those who want to conceive between ages 46 and 50.

What are the odds of 5 times in one family? And for more pregnancies after that? Must be vanishingly slim

Well what is more important- 20 years of partying rather than 10, or having a better chance of seeing your children through as much of their life as you can? For me it was a no brainer.

Every single time on mumsnet when this debate comes up there are people who honestly seem to believe that you are as likely to die at 55 as you are at 75.

I honestly don’t think People grasp statistics, mortality rates or the aging process.

Someone will announce their parent lived to 90 and they know someone who died I their thirties.

NellyDean

So stories about women who become accidentally pregnant at 45 plus on their first please? Refute my bollix. I'm interested

Cherie Blair (Ok she already had 3 kids), me...