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What can your 9 year olds do independently?

66 replies

BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:00

I keep getting sucked into threads about what much younger children can do independently but whenever I do, I get the sense that a lot of older children aren't doing nearly as much independently as my 9 year old. I am not putting this in AIBU because I am perfectly comfortable with our decision making, but am interested in seeing where our approach fits in a spectrum.

Ours can:

make basic snacks (v basic - he has no interest in cooking) eg getting himself some frozen berries and yoghurt or a slice of bread with peanut butter.

Make himself a hot chocolate or me a cup of tea.

Shower/bath completely independently with zero input from me except occasional reminders to wash his hair.

Prior to lockdown, we were working on letting him stay at home alone for short periods (eg trip to corner shop) but that's stopped and we're all here, all of the time!!

Sit in car while I pop into shop.

Go round corner/up road to friends' houses (one small suburban road to cross).

Go for walk/run with no adults - but we don't let him do this alone. He goes with his 12 year old cousin or his friend and friend's brother who live locally. They also have strict rules about where they go, when they return etc and we have been known to check....

At swimming pool, he can swim in pool with us watching from outside the pool unless it's very busy. But when we are in the pool he still is able to swim independently and not stay super close.

At a cafe/shop he can go to counter and choose/pay alone.

Is this in line with others? Do your kids do more/less?

OP posts:
Amicompletelyinsane · 11/06/2020 16:03

Mine makes everyone's packed lunches. He will get breakfast, make toast etc for himself and siblings. He can use the dishwasher and washing machine. He walks to the local shop to buy bread milk etc and post letters.
He gets himself ready for drinking etc by himself. He showers independently.

I suppose they are all different. I'm teaching cooking at the moment and trying to teach following recipes

formerbabe · 11/06/2020 16:03

My DD is 9. She does not use the kettle ever. She will pour herself a cold drink and get a snack. She can make a cake but I do the oven part. She can bath by herself. She does not sit in the car alone. She does not walk anywhere alone.

Amicompletelyinsane · 11/06/2020 16:04

My boy is really small for this age which gives him extra challenges though. He needs a step for most tasks

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BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:07

Washing machine and dishwasher are next on my list...! Grin

OP posts:
littleducks · 11/06/2020 16:08

Think the is wide variation that age.

At nine my ds was making own way home to/from school (about 2miles away) journey was walking and on bus.
Stayed home alone or with older sister.
Would walk to local shop and buy ingredients I needed or sweets.
Would make own breakfast or lunch if wanted to (cereal, microwave porridge, microwave leftovers, sandwiches etc).

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 11/06/2020 16:13

my makes a decent brew, makes breakfast (toast/boiled egg), makes a light lunch like beans on toast or a sandwich. Can strip her bed and put a wash on but can't put fresh bedding on as she is always beaten by the duvet cover. She can nip to the corner shop for bread or milk and knows to check change. She can wait in the car if I need her to. I'll leave her for up to an hour - has been longer in lockdown but then the 13yo has always been home with her. Made a Victoria Sandwich from a recipe reasonably independently the other day - she wanted some help to cream the butter and sugar but otherwise I wasn't involved. Bathes and showers alone but I help her to make sure she's rinsed her hair properly after washing it.

BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:14

After lockdown we'll start seeing about trips to shop alone. He has gone with cousin/older friends in past but there is one big road to cross and, more relevantly, our little local strip of shops sometimes has older/aggressive boys hanging about. Not often, but often enough that both DH and I have experienced unease when popping out and in DH's case, he got some random abuse (nothing serious, he just ignored it but still...). So for now I prefer him to go with someone, even if the other person is also young.

OP posts:
beela · 11/06/2020 16:18

My ds is 9, he does all of the things you have mentioned in your op. He can cook a few things too (scrambled eggs, porridge, basic sponge cake, pasta with tuna & sweetcorn etc), and goes up the road to the shop on his own.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 11/06/2020 16:21

stuff like going to the shop does vary enormously on location. Ours only requires crossing one quiet street. Walking to school on the other hand has a couple of really tricky roads (wide, busy, poor visibility due to bends, and in one case pavement only on one side) so it will be a while before she does that.

Takingontheworld · 11/06/2020 16:24

Honestly shocked at leaving a 9yo alone in the house...

I have a very sensible 10yo but I just cannot imagine doing that.

She strips beds, makes cold snacks, can use toaster and hob. She also spends 99% of her time moaning.

BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:28

@TheTurnOfTheScrew that's very true. School is much further away but I can see shops and school walking happening at similar times as the walk to school is longer but involves no meaningful road crossing but rather is just a nice gentle stroll down a long suburban street (which is basically a cul de sac as you access it via footbridge from our side if walking) with the odd even smaller suburban street to cross.

OP posts:
OneMoreForExtra · 11/06/2020 16:29

Mine does many of the things mentioned and:
Plays out with friends within strictly defined bounds (pre-lockdown obv)
Makes me a GnT and pours a glass of wine or beer for me/DH
Runs errands to local bakers and shop
Puts away his clean laundry
Lays and clears table

Can't follow a full recipe but probably not interested enough to try

The thing he can't do - at all - is choose and absorb himself into any solitary activity that doesn't involve a screen.

margaritasbythesea · 11/06/2020 16:31

Mine can do all that except he doesn´t / didn´t walk by himself or stay home alone.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 11/06/2020 16:35

Takingontheworld my take is that when they get to 11, if you work outside the home, they're going to be home alone after school for a couple of hours every single day, as there's no afterschool provision for 11+, and very little by way of holiday care. I prefer to get them used to that incrementally - leaving them for 15 mins at first, building up to an hour on the odd occasion if they're happy and you're happy. But that's a personal preference, and very much not a criticism of those choosing to do otherwise.

SandieCheeks · 11/06/2020 16:37

Mine's similar except he doesn't use the kettle.

He can make himself toast and gets breakfast for his siblings on the weekend.

He can walk to his grandparents about a mile away.

He plays out with friends.

On occasion he has come home from school to an empty house, let himself in and waited until someone else gets home 45 minutes later.

ButDoUAvocado · 11/06/2020 16:38

Wow, I’m really impressed!
Mine will stay in the car alone and home alone for fifteen/twenty minutes if I need to walk the dogs and she doesn’t want to come. Less of an issue at the moment as older siblings are here.
She can get a snack, pour a cold drink. Puts own clean washing away, cleans bedroom, loves dusting.
Doesn’t walk anywhere alone but if we’re out together she is allowed to take a different route to me if she’s on her bike and we meet further along the road. Very road and safety conscious but I wouldn’t trust her to judge the speed of cars and know when it’s completely safe to cross.

ThisIsGonnaHurt · 11/06/2020 16:38

I think that sounds pretty good for 9, it's about what I would expect, more than many I suspect. I think I was more likely to leave mine in the house at 9 for a short time rather than walking anywhere alone as we live in a busy city, also their school is not walking distance really (45 mins) so they didn't really need to.

Making tea once tall enough as it's not safe otherwise, I taught them to use the coffee machine too as I dont drink tea ha ha. Mine weren't great at cooking at 9, still aren't but my youngest will cook more than my eldest as he has more interest. They have got their own breakfast etc from younger than 9.

I would imagine most NT sensible 9 yo could stay at home for a quick shop visit or dropping sibling somewhere. My youngest has autism and ADHD and was still able to but never more than an hour.

I am not particularly laid back about them going out at young ages etc as we don't live in the nicest area but I do encourage independence generally, I think these days people really baby their kids but I think it does often depend if they are the youngest/eldest/only children as you definitely think differently for each child.

BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:39

@TheTurnOfTheScrew - yes, this is very much my view too. I need to start training him now to be able to be at home alone/ out and about. It's a process.

I know a lot of parents of DS' friends don't allow most of what DS is. Definitely never allowed out alone at all and no bath/shower/water activities without active supervision. Not sure about getting drinks and snacks but do know that kettles etc are still off limits for a lot of them. Am interested that things like boiled eggs/scrambled eggs is happening for some. DS isn't going to be happy but I see an expansion in his training coming... Grin

OP posts:
buildingbridge · 11/06/2020 16:40

Makes me a GnT and pours a glass of wine or beer for me/DH*

Wow, you let your child do this? Talk about normalising alcohol.

BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:41

Making tea once tall enough as it's not safe otherwise this is a good point. DS is almost abnormally tall for his age. One of reasons he doesn't use toaster is it's set right back and harder to reach. DH and I have been talking about moving it.

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 11/06/2020 16:42

Makes me a GnT and pours a glass of wine or beer for me/DH

Making GnTs and simple cocktails was my party trick when I was very young - maybe 6? I had a special stool I stood on to reach the drinks cabinet!!

OP posts:
reefedsail · 11/06/2020 16:43

Mine is 10 in a couple of months.

Make his own breakfast/ cold lunch.
Make a cup of tea.
All personal hygiene.
Stays home on his own for short periods (with phone).
Play out with friends close to home.
Walks to the postbox round the block.
Load up his computer, access Teams, work from a Word document and hand in work (thanks lockdown).
Rig, launch and recover his boat. Sail in competitive events which can last 4-5 hours (safety cover, but no help with the sailing).
Boards once a week- but obviously adults support with that.

Holeywalls · 11/06/2020 16:44

Blown away by some of these and realise I may be babying my extremely sensible and grown up 9 year old Blush

Can make scrambled eggs in the microwave
Can make a sandwich/toast
I have on occasion let them go into the shop while I waited outside

Er that’s about it! They would absolutely love to go to the shop alone for me. My heart is beating faster just thinking about it though.

As an aside - is it assumed that secondary aged children will occupy themselves for a couple of hours at home until their parents are home?

Soontobe60 · 11/06/2020 16:44

@Takingontheworld

Honestly shocked at leaving a 9yo alone in the house...

I have a very sensible 10yo but I just cannot imagine doing that.

She strips beds, makes cold snacks, can use toaster and hob. She also spends 99% of her time moaning.

It's all relative. I would leave my 9 yr old alone for a short time, but my sister lived next door! I'd only leave her if she was in. In Y6 she would walk home from school (with friends) and be home for an hour until her dad got home.
Allyg1185 · 11/06/2020 16:45

Mine will make a coffee/snack.

Shower independently but reminded to wash hair.

Can pay for items in a shop.

Walks part of the way to school with a friend.

Never been left home alone and I he wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Won't be left in the car. He is a worrier and is scared something happens to me while I'm in the shop.

Around the house he can hoover, clean out the budgies, strip his bed, wash and dry dishes