Shit... what have I just found?

[NameChange73939399]

Name changed so as not to link to other threads.

Just been tidying up while DP is at work. Went to tidy his latest bank statement into the paperwork file. I always put his paperwork away for him, but don't normally read it, I don't know what prompted me to read it today.

There are loads of transactions for apple.com/bill

Multiple transactions per day, ranging from £0.99 to £19.99. I added them up and it comes to over £700 in the last month, which seems like a crazy amount of money.

What is this? App purchases? Gambling? Is there anything legitimate that this could be?

I feel bad for having looked, it's none of my business, we have separate finances, but what if it's a problem?

We each pay some bills (nothing in joint names) but I'm due to start maternity leave in the next couple of days, I can't afford to cover 'his' bills if something odd is going on.

Any ideas? Please tell me there is a reasonable explanation.

I once left my Paypal signed in on my daughter's device and she spent £500 on roblox. Roblox then thought the account had been hacked because of the volume of spending so they closed her account but refused to refund me the £500 so we are left with nothing. Took months but thankfully iTunes stepped in and under one of their policies refunded us the money as roblox had taken our money but we had nothing to show for it.

Let's face it... your DP is a gaming nerd :) Don't worry, mine is too, it just means we spend our money on little figures and power up packs rather than clothes for the kids :/

To answer a couple of previous posters

• yes there are apps for gambling, where the in app purchases are used as gambling credit. Games such as black jack, roulette, bingo etc

• yes these apps do charge amounts that end in .99, as well as other amounts.

I know this as my husband gambled hundreds of pounds a day using his phone.
He spent well beyond his means, without ever adding up the cost, or letting himself acknowledge how much he was spending and that it was out of control.
He spent all of his 'fun money', then spent the family savings, then spent money that I and our new baby would otherwise have used for food, bills and household stuff, family days out etc. (He did this by lying about how much he was earning, or lying about unexpected bills, or lying about the bank 'losing' money he transferred)
After he'd spent all of his and our money, he took out multiple payday loans to fund his addiction.

All of this was done secretly, just him quietly tapping away on his phone. When I found out he had over £30k of debt. We are now divorced.

NOT saying this is what your DH is doing, but wanted to share a cautionary tale of how quickly these little app payments can spiral into a big big problem.

It boggles my mind when pregnant women post stuff like this. How can you reach the stage of having his baby without knowing his finances or being allowed to read a letter he left laying around your shared home.

I just don’t get it! His finances are ‘none of your business’ but he’s put a person inside you that you should be equally financially responsible for, for the next 18 years.

🤔

Sorry that read more goady than I intended!
The message I meant to get across was, yes you were entitled to read it and yes you’re entitled (and should) bring it up with him.
His finances aren’t just ‘his business’ when you’re having his baby!!

Definitely looks like game or gambling in app purchases

If those are in app purchases, I would be beyond furious. How fucking pathetic and wasteful ... think what your family could do with an extra £ 8400 - £12000 more a year if that's what he's spending a month on games?!?!

I feel sick at those figures (unless your joint income is in the bazillions, in which case crack on!). Surely he must too?? Gambling is one thing, in app purchases on Candy Crush??? I know it happens, but God Almighty.

I hope you get to the bottom of it and that he doesn't get defensive and dickish about it.

Oh dear, what game is he playing Candy Crush?

pumpertrumper I appreciate your second post, as I must admit your first one felt a little thorny right after mine, but I know you must have been writing at the same time as me so it wasn't aimed at me.

I will say, I have also spent many many hours asking myself how it got to that stage without me knowing too!
But it's not helpful to blame the person who didn't know, blame the person who did know.
In cases like mine the spender will have created a manipulated situation, where all the spending is usually hidden or explained away. This is classed as financial abuse and is taken so seriously that it is one of the conditions upon which divorce is 'fast tracked'
Women who post these things (not the op, but those you reference in your post) are often victims of manipulation and emotional abuse, and may not have realised it yet, so rather than judge them, consider WHY they are in the circumstances they find themselves in and WHO put them there.
Unfortunately you can't know what you don't know.

I'm guessing clash of clans!

I wouldn't care to be in a marriage/partnership (much less having children) with a man who would care that I'd looked at his bills. If you're good enough to file his paperwork for him and carry his child you're good enough to know what he spends that kind of money on, no matter what it is. That's a significant amount to be frittering away on games, if that's what he's doing. If he's hiding it, that's a sign that he knows it's a problem, and if he's not hiding it, he shouldn't mind discussing it with you.

I can't understand anyone thinking "shouldn't have looked", "none of my business" when it's your long-term partner and father of your child. That's not right, and if your partner tries to convince you otherwise, it's time to seek advice from an impartial, trusted source, because chances are that there are deeper problems that need addressing.

Neutrino is exactly right.

This should be fully open to discussion.

That's really concerning, OP!

He’s got himself addicted to the game. What game is it? Maybe one of us can check for you if the amounts charged for certain things on the game match up to the amounts he is being charged?

I agree go in for the angle you are worried he got hacked . Then when he tells you that he hasn't ,personally ( as you agree you have separate finances) I would say that it has really made you sad because that amount of money would be a seriously lovely family holiday you could enjoy together .

As you have agreed you both have your own money at the moment I would not go in all guns blazing . But you may have to change your financial arrangements when you are on maternity leave so its something that needs addressing now .

best of luck.

@Clymene

If you use your phone to pay in shops it uses the card registered. Those are in app purchases

No. It shows up on the card. Not through an app

I'd go in with a 'Can you show me what this has been spent on?' because if you ask and he tells you something and then you ask for proof, it'll all become about how you 'don't trust me'.

I'm shocked people pay this much for game add ons.

That's a huge amount!

Sounds like he's on an app, but it will include music/tv purchases obviously.

That sounds like a dangerous gambling addiction. It needs to be resolved asap.

Is this normal spending? Do you guys have a lot of spare income?

I'd ask him (to his face to judge reaction) in a non accusational way.

Unless there are other issues between the two of you....? In which case... keep it close to your chest and dig some more

Wow - £1700 in two months - that's a holiday (if we were able to go on them)! I'm trying not to judge but do people really have that amount of money to spend on in-game purchases?

Let's face it... your DP is a gaming nerd

@Starplatinum £700 in a month is a lot of money to spend on something though for the average person, even a gaming nerd. It's not really an amount to be dismissed as just a hobby/fun IMO, especially with no IRL stuff to show for it.

Even I don't spend that much on Pokemon Go.

Don't worry, mine is too, it just means we spend our money on little figures and power up packs

This isn't that though. And most people/families would see prioritizing clothes for the kids as important. Plus, this is kind of secret spending.

Why wouldn't you just message him at work or call him?

I honestly don't understand how you can be having a child with this person but you're worried speaking to him about pissing £1700 up the wall on an app?!?