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Original poster

Please help..hanging on my last fucking nerve.

97 replies

Takingontheworld · 30/05/2020 21:12

I haven't been alone in almost 3 months. I am losing my fucking mind..i miss the quiet. I miss my home being tidy and quiet for at least a couple hours a day, i miss my old life.

Its fucked my work which i love..stress on my marriage and my kid is having such a hard time and desperately needs more from me but I have nothing left to give and I'm beginning to feel full of rage.

He is next to me now for a film night I promised but his crunching of smarties is making me want to scream and rip my ears off. I can't, i don't want him to know how desperate i am to be far far away from him when he needs me so bad.

I am going to have a breakdown. I can't do this until September. I am touched out. Noised out. I feel sick with the monotony.

Am i an awful parent. I hate feeling like this.

OP posts:
purplepandas · 31/05/2020 08:39

Also not alone. I am currently sat in a wood actually in the middle of a run to get some peace. I literally cannot do this until sept. Balancing ft work, sodding homeschool that no one wants to do and just surviving us too much. DH promised to take them out yesterday but did not. He has no clue as his life has barely been affected as he continues to work outside of the home.

SnuggyBuggy · 31/05/2020 08:43

I have that resentment with DH sometimes. He gets to go up to his office and work from home much like normal. No part of my day is like normal.

Fefifofaff · 31/05/2020 08:50

OP has your DH had any therapy or medication for the anxiety? It's not fair that he gets to be in anxiousland and you have to do all the heavy lifting, including of him.

AnnaNimmity · 31/05/2020 08:56

Does your DH ever take the children (and dog) out just on his own for a few hours? Would that help? My ex had the children for the first time in 10 weeks (for a whole 2 hours!) and it was bliss sitting in an empty house.

Otherwise I feel fortunate as a single parent that I get each morning in my bed alone just to have coffee and prepare for the day. (sorry that's no help for you).

465768P · 31/05/2020 09:00

Same here.. Living with my parents at the moment. Mum, dad, sister, child and me. There's always someone about or awake its really starting to piss me off. I just want time on my own where I dont have food to cook or have people talking at me when all I want to do is sit quietly.
This morning, went downstairs for a cuppa. I was the only one up, thought bloody perfect can enjoy a cuppa and the quiet. Within a minute my mother was downstairs, talking at me. Then the child wakes up, then dad. I'm just sat there like ffs what does a girl have to do to get a bit of peace and chuffing quiet. Leave me alone.
I'm an introvert, I like company of those I love and I do love them all, to bits. But on the flip side, if i don't get a bit of time to gather my thoughts and have that bit of time to myself I start to get a bit snappy and shouty.
I managed a couple of hours yesterday, met my BF for a nice long walk but dreaded the thought of having to come back here.

Get me back to work!!

RiverCrossing · 31/05/2020 09:10

I’ve started taking long showers to avoid my DH. Sometimes I just turn the shower on and sit on the floor on mumsnet for a bit Grin it’s the only way I can get time by myself!

Original poster
Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 09:22

He is occasionally taking the dog and kids out but unfortunately this is the only time i can take work calls.. so whilst I know i could try and use the hour or so alone, i have to keep up with work and its the only time I can do the stuff I most definitely cannot do when kids are around like calls and team meetings.

Sorry, I feel like I'm batting back ideas. I'm sorry to be so negative.

I think I'm also past the point of an hour or so alone, I feel like if i could rent a house for 2 days somewhere I'd lie and say I have a work trip just to escapeBlush

Actually. Would that be awful?

OP posts:
Bridecilla · 31/05/2020 09:24

I usually don't work Mondays. I miss my Monday. Usually I'd drop ds at school, go to a spinning class, mooch round Tesco. Have a quick tidy round then just sit till pick up time.

I used to pretend to dp that I'd been busy but I wasn't really. I miss it.

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 31/05/2020 09:37

I'm pregnant, I feel sick and I've got a banging headache. Put tv on for toddler for a second of peace but for some reason she has to stand right in front of me to watch it and if she stamps on my fucking feet one more time I'm going to completely lose my shit.

Original poster
Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 09:47

Insert.. i hear youFlowers

X

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 31/05/2020 09:55

Do and I are taking it in turns so we each get a break every, other day.

Yesterday I had four hours to myself...........I did a bit of tidying for an hour then did nothing until they came back. On a Sunday we all go out together.........I think this is fair. And your dp needs to be pulling his weight. 💁🏻‍♀️

Qgardens · 31/05/2020 10:04

Whilst he was furloughed op, you should have been taking it in turns to be "on duty". You should still do this from now on, but you could have had more time before he returned to work.

CandyLeBonBon · 31/05/2020 10:09

I am with you OP. Mine are teens but still needy in their own way. I'm self employed and work has bombed. I resent having no space, peace or thinking time. It's exhausting and I can't concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes. Have some Thanks and 🍫 and 🍷 x

Dancetherain · 31/05/2020 10:11

I'm struggling too and I'm lucky enough to still be working outside of the house. Four kids mean I'm never alone. Homeschooling is a nightmare even with 16 year olds help and our house does not have enough space for us all. It's impossible to keep the place clean and tidy even though I seem to spend all my time cleaning/tidying. The thing that makes it all hardest is the fact that there is no clear end to this. I feel guilty that the kids are probably falling behind but getting some of them to do any work is a nightmare. My youngest gets up at 8 am and I am 'on' all day until my 14/16 year olds go to bed around 11.

I work part time and am used to being able to clean the house and enjoy it being clean whilst they are at school and having space for me. Do does help but he works full time (also outside the house) so most of it all falls on me, especially as he has only recently recovered from what we are fairly sure was covid which was really stressful as I couldn't even get away to work and was effectively the only parent for 2 weeks.

Flowers and Cake and peace quiet for us all!

Jayfee · 31/05/2020 10:17

I want to thank you because you made me realise why sometimes I just want to be completely alone. To think, do and be without any interruption. I have had weepy days and snappy days, but now I am going to ask my husband for just a bit of space. Your situation is tough, but the fact that you can analyse what the problem is will help you get through. I wish you well.

PrimeraVez · 31/05/2020 10:19

Yep, this was me yesterday. I've managed pretty well up until now but yesterday was bloody awful.

I had spent all week on conference calls relating to a massive restructuring at work, that means my job is probably at risk.

I have a 4 year old who DOESN'T STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.

A whingy 1 year old who wants to drag me around by my clothes all day, wants to be carried, wants to watch Paw Patrol until my ears bleed.

And a husband who is lovely, but keeps bleating on about inconsequential shit like what shall we have for dinner? Do you think we should replace the painting in the hallway? Do you think I should book my car in for a serice?

It's the constant noise and demands for attention that are killing me. The house is a shit hole. I just want some physical and mental space.

What makes it even worse is we are expats in the Middle East which means its already about a billion degrees here so we can't get out and under 12s are still banned from being outside.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

FedUpofLockdown123 · 31/05/2020 10:19

Love this thread. I'm on my own with 2 children and this is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. My youngest has just turned 3 and is a bit behind for her age so it's hard to negotiate with her.

Every day she breaks something or destroys a room. She cries all day long, screams and screams when she wants something. Everyone says just ignore it. That's not possible I physically can not ignore screaming. I'm making a rod for my own back giving into her demand but right now I'm too drained and desperate to care.

I don't get a minute to myself, they fight and scream at each other all day. I have to take them to the shops with me which is another stress of its own. I spend the full day tidying and cleaning but it's a waste of time.

They touch me all the time and youngest wants to sit on me constantly. She even tries to sit on my knee while I do the toilet. I can't deal with it much longer Sad

FedUpofLockdown123 · 31/05/2020 10:24

I've just heard her go downstairs and take an ice lolly out the freezer. She ate fucking loads of them yesterday. Here she comes screaming at me now handing me lolly. What do I do open it and give it to her. I have no authority over her whatsoever Sad.

formerbabe · 31/05/2020 10:30

I was quite Mary Poppins-esque at the start of lockdown. Baking, crafts, exercise videos...it was ok. I now spend a lot of time hiding in my bedroom while they watch tv. They were both enthusiastic about home schooling and now they pretty much refuse to do anything. They both really miss school and their friends. I'm so sad for them and nothing I do can make up for that.

Kittenlicker · 31/05/2020 10:31

On the back of this thread I’ve just packed my kids and husband off for a very long walk...Grin

nicsknackered · 31/05/2020 10:36

You are absolutely not alone, my three kids haven't been anywhere without me and now the golf courses are open my dh gets to have 3 glorious hours all to himself every other day, including this morning 😫

pandarific · 31/05/2020 10:39

My childminder is taking school age children for childcare - can you look for one who could give you a break?

Killedherhusbandwhackedhim · 31/05/2020 10:42

Im sorry you feel like this, like other posters have said you are definitely not alone, so I can definitely handhold! Flowers

My husband isn't suffering with anything other than lazy bastard syndrome and every day I think about how far I could get away from him!!

My two kids never stop fighting, screeching. My head is banging.

I never ever seem to stop cleaning and tidying but somehow, the house is still a shit tip and I struggle to cope with the mess and disorder of everything..

Also feel like I never stop cooking! It's breakfast, snack, snack, lunch, snack, snack, snack, dinner, snack, snack.. You get my point.. And my lord, anytime I try and sit down, somebody wants a drink! 😂 It's like the sense me!

You are certainly not a bad mother! Neither am I - we are just living in a pretty different and difficult situation just now.

Hope your feeling better today!

SnuggyBuggy · 31/05/2020 10:49

I'm fucking sick of all the meals. We are struggling to get to a supermarket now we can't take our DD and they shut earlier. I miss regular fresh fruit and different sorts of bread for example.

dementedma · 31/05/2020 11:04

Same here. Dh and I dont get on that well at the best of times and its only us both working and being out of the house a lot that keeps us jogging along. Like everyone else, sick of cooking and cleaning and "what's for dinner?"
Desperate, absolutely desperate to get back to work before we end up divorcing!