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Please help..hanging on my last fucking nerve.

97 replies

Takingontheworld · 30/05/2020 21:12

I haven't been alone in almost 3 months. I am losing my fucking mind..i miss the quiet. I miss my home being tidy and quiet for at least a couple hours a day, i miss my old life.

Its fucked my work which i love..stress on my marriage and my kid is having such a hard time and desperately needs more from me but I have nothing left to give and I'm beginning to feel full of rage.

He is next to me now for a film night I promised but his crunching of smarties is making me want to scream and rip my ears off. I can't, i don't want him to know how desperate i am to be far far away from him when he needs me so bad.

I am going to have a breakdown. I can't do this until September. I am touched out. Noised out. I feel sick with the monotony.

Am i an awful parent. I hate feeling like this.

OP posts:
ursuslemonade · 31/05/2020 01:32

I have had 45 mins on my own since school shut. Once. Dp works a lot and I am on my own with 2 quarreling kids. It's brutal. I am praying that they can go back to school/nursery next month for a bit.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 31/05/2020 02:03

I am going through exactly the same. Everywhere I turn, theres a child. My DP is either breathing or snoring too loudly. We've had a row tonight about absolutely nothing. We both need to get away from each other and get back to our respective jobs. I want to kill him. I want to send my DC back to school....I want to not queue for my shopping....rinse and repeat. The whole situation is driving me to drink

Hollyhobbi · 31/05/2020 02:40

Are a lot of ye in Ireland? Cause I thought schools in England were back tomorrow.

PorpentiaScamander · 31/05/2020 03:04

@Hollyhobbi

Are a lot of ye in Ireland? Cause I thought schools in England were back tomorrow.
They are starting to go back from tomorrow, and only for some year groups. Neither of my DS' schools are opening yet (other than for vulnerable and key worker children) and when they do only 1 of them will be able togo back.
skankingpiglet · 31/05/2020 03:04

I feel like this too. I can only liken it to how small babies must feel when they are utterly over-stimulated. The constant being on-ness and noise is burning me out. The DCs are bickering constantly, bored, their behaviour is deteriorating, they are becoming very resistant to the home learning, and I'm really struggling to balance everything.

Today (well, yesterday) was a definite low point. DH is working Mon - Fri so I, as the lower earner and self-employed, am fitting my work around him. This means the odd bit of work admin or actual work during the week, then I do what I can over the weekend. I only manage maybe two hours across the working week due to the DCs and the nature of my work, which can't be done in the evenings and requires a lot of setting up and packing down. Tomorrow I am working out of the house, but today I needed to work from home. I told DH days ago this was the case and that he needed to be on parenting duty all day to facilitate this. He got up, mooched, decided to go for a bike ride (left whilst I was upstairs getting dressed), had a leisurely breakfast upon return, then a long poo followed by a shower. When he finally came down it was lunchtime. He said he hoped the kids hadn't been bothering me too much and that he'd take them out for a trip to the car wash... Afterwards he still didn't actually do anything to entertain them, just stuck the TV on, so they were still under my feet and constantly demanding my attention as they were bored. Unsurprisingly an argument ensued. He still doesn't understand why I'm fucked off. I now feel awful as the DCs overheard me shouting that of course they'd been bothering me, because that's what they do (because they are small children, not because they are awful kids) and that's the reason I'd asked him to keep them occupied and away from me. Not my finest moment, but I'm at the end of my rope.
He had also earlier made a remark about how it felt like a lovely lazy Saturday, which probably didn't help. Not for me is doesn't! I get 5 long days of drudgery, skivvying, childcare and school work, followed by 2 days physical labour. He does 5 shortened work days, 2 family days where there is no pressure to get anything done and often me around to lighten the load, and more 'free time' than usual to cycle. I've had enough.

We had a big discussion a couple of days ago that I was overloaded and burning out. We agreed to some small changes that would really help, including him doing a couple of adult-led activities with them each week.
DH this morning: did we? Remind we what we'd decided?
ARGH!

He's usually pretty good at pulling his weight, although has always been awful at remembering conversations/decisions, but doesn't seem to understand he needs to do far more than the usual at the moment even when it is spelled out in the clearest terms.

allthewaterinthetap · 31/05/2020 03:51

I am getting quite depressed, myself. I just don't want to get up and face all the whingeing and mess and pestering.

Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:14

The support for one another is so heartwarming. I'm so grateful for mumsnet right now. knowing I'm not alone has made me cry.

It's taken 15 to read and reply because i was interrupted 3 times by the kids already. The youngest is attention seeking and the eldest just does. Not. Stop. Talking.

To the pp who likened it to an overtired baby. Omg yes do much this.

I just wake up every day full of dread

To the pp who asked if I'd told my dh. He can see I'm stressed, but whilst he is wonderful in many ways- gentle, loyal, hands on with the kids... he is simply too in his own head when it comes to this stuff. He would tell me it'll be fine, offer a hug and then talk about his own problems for 30m more until i manage to distract him. So i don't bother. I just have to listen endlessly to his problems which are so exasperated during lockdown and i feel like a terrible terrible person but sometimes i want to scream "I DON'T FUCKING CARE" .... his anxiety makes him hung up or irrational about petty stuff and it is so so boring almost 3 months in.

Neither kid are in year groups that are returning to school tomorrow, and I've come to accept this is my life until sept atleast. accept isn't the right word. Bitterly resigned.

Yes ddog also hates us. He refused to walk yesterday. He's fat from being overfed despite my asking not to (kids and dh feed their left overs- he's a lab so loves it) and his routine is all out. He's now also incredibly clingy as dh has suddenly bonded with him on a whole new level and now the dog thinks he's our 3rd child. How he is going to cope at home alone ever again i don't know.

OP posts:
Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:18

Oh and to PP who said about retiring, this is a long way off for us but oh my god yes 🤦‍♀️

Yesterday I almost spent 1k on a holiday cottage to fill the week we should have been abroad in July. Then realised why the fuck would I want to spend money doing this somewhere else??? I need a holiday with other people. A weekend away with my girlfriends.

Dh and I usually go away for our wedding anniversary in early September but honestly I don't even want to be alone with him anytime soon.

Yesterday I sat in the car for am extra 20m and told him the que at co-op was super long. It wasn't, no que at all actually. It was nice but not enough, i just felt further ragey about having to do that to get away!

I just cannot seem to settle.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 31/05/2020 07:30

OP, grab a bottle of water and a book and the car keys. Then say "I am going out for a couple of hours, unless the house is burning down I don't want to know" and leave. Just do it! They will cope and you need some head space. Thanks

SnuggyBuggy · 31/05/2020 07:36

I get this, it's just relentless. Mine is too young for school but we did lots of toddler groups and meeting friends. Even being able to take her to the shops helped and entertained us. We are bored as fuck now and I feel like every aspect of my life has been made harder.

Fuck knows when anything will get better and I just feel resentful.

Restlessinthenorth · 31/05/2020 07:36

So grateful for this thread. I would never have imagined how difficult this time would be. I used to love my home; it now feels like a prison which is getting messier and more worn by the hour. All I see are problems to fix. My children are doing nothing but fight each other or stare at screens. It's not their fault but it's driving my to the edge. I do not have time to supervise their work as I am working full time at a job which was my dream but is twice as challenging to do from home. I know they will be falling significantly behind in their education and I'm basically a bystander as it happens. I have a senior role in education and I can't stop this in my own bloody home.I'm sick of making meals, washing up, and cleaning, only to repeat the same after 2 hours.

I even hate the weekends now as by Saturday lunch I can feel the dread riding that Monday is just round the corner. I feel utterly utterly miserable. It helps to hear others are feeling the same as social media would suggest that families are all having lovely times together whilst mine seems to be coming apart at the seams. Thanksfor you all

bonsaidragon · 31/05/2020 07:37

Me too. I spend all my time with either my children or other people's children and never have any adult time.

Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:40

Yes to being a bystander in own home.

Eldest is going to be behind, but I'm out of steam. I cannot force them and it'll just make us all more miserable.

I love my job but now trying to do it from home I'm struggling to enjoy. Its so stressful. Sucking the joy from my life this whole thing is.

OP posts:
Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:41

I miss my old life.

OP posts:
Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:43

Sorry to lower the tone but I'm so stressed I can't even orgasm. Been like this for weeks.

Am i depressed? Of all the things I've suffered in my life staying at home in my nice house with my healthy family cannot be the thing that ruins me surely? How pathetic i am.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 31/05/2020 07:43

I hate the expression new normal. Shit normal is more like it.

sashh · 31/05/2020 07:45

I wish I could help OP I live alone and it would drive me mad as well.

Can you instigate a game of 'sleeping lions'?

A competition where you are all in different rooms to see who can stay the longist, only visits the the bathroom allowed, include the lab in the game.

Is there anyne near by in a similar situation? As we are able to mix more from Monday maybe you could get take someone else's kids for a day, and they take yours the bext day, I know that nmeans you would have an even more stressful day with other children but iut might be worth it for a couple of hours of peace.

SallyWD · 31/05/2020 07:46

I feel the same. I really need time alone, always have done. I feel mentally exhausted just being with people all the time. If I mention it DH points out he's taken the children out twice (in what? 10 weeks? I'm with them every minute of the day!). I'm so tired.

GreyishDays · 31/05/2020 07:47

@Hollyhobbi

Are a lot of ye in Ireland? Cause I thought schools in England were back tomorrow.
There’s also Wales and Scotland.

But lots of areas in England have said they’re not opening schools on the 1st. Those that are, it’s only three year groups.

SallyWD · 31/05/2020 07:50

I'm in England. My children are year 2 and 4. They're not going back tomorrow and no idea when they will. Could well be September.

MarginalGain · 31/05/2020 07:52

Oh, OP. I hear you. Flowers

I really like my husband and kids but I've had enough now.

Kittenlicker · 31/05/2020 07:52

I am feeling the same, not all the times but moments of complete rage that I haven’t had a minute alone for 10 weeks now. Yesterday I spoke to DH and asked him to take the kids out today for a long walk or bike ride so I can be in the house by myself. I’m so relieved and excited and hopeful that it will help my sanity.

IloveParmaViolets · 31/05/2020 07:53

Op are you near a forest or woods? Go and take a walk alone (or with the dog or borrow a neighbours) & walk for at least an hour. I find it incredibly soothing, also download the calm app on your phone & work through it alone & as a family. It is free atm so you can try it out to see if you like it first.

Can you do the shopping & any trips out of the home so you can carve some time for yourself? Grab a flask of coffee, a book & a rug and go and sit in the park before doing the weekly shop. I think you need a change of scenery so rather than the kids/dh going out, you should.

MattBerrysHair · 31/05/2020 07:53

Can your DH take the kids out for a really long walk, 2 hours minimum, while you stay at home for some quiet time?

Takingontheworld · 31/05/2020 07:54

Neighbour across the roads kid has gone to its other parent so I'm going to try and go there for wine tonight. Its not alone time but it'll be nice to have adult talk in peace!

Dh goes back to work tomorrow. I'm not sure if this will be better or worse...

OP posts: