What the fuck did I just read?

[tigerwhocametoT]

I'm find it hard to believe this actually happened.

www.google.com/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/coronavirus-monkeys-escape-with-covid-19-samples-after-attacking-lab-assistant-11996752

@AnneLovesGilbert

I saw the headline on twitter yesterday and assumed - obviously - that it was a sick joke. But nope!

Absolutely bloody insane.

Same here, I thought it was a poor attempt at humour given the current situation.

The fact it's actually real is crazy.

You think that's bad - the super volcano under Yellowstone is causing earthquakes

That happens often, the 'strongest' one has been a magnitude of 3 but at 6 miles deep, the shallowest one was 1.2 miles, it only measured 0.7 on the richter scale. I wouldn't worry unless I am Michael Fish

Oh and it looks like the Earth's magnetic field is starting to flip (gives up)

@MashedPotatoBrainz

We never saw that twist coming. We all thought 2020 was your bog standard pandemic movie with comedic incompetent government. Turns out we're living through the first installment of planet of the apes.

I think it's shit so far and the subplots are really detracting from the central story, fwiw. Special effects also leaving a lot to be desired, disinfectant spraying/burning/riots not all that convincing.

@scottgirl

Oh and it looks like the Earth's magnetic field is starting to flip (gives up)

I wouldn't worry about that either, it weakens first and that can take anything from hundreds to thousands of years to complete and it's happen several times before. It can mean an increase in cosmic rays but it's unlikely to happen in your lifetime. It's been weakening for a while in some parts of the planet, about 60-70 years, there is a possibility that there is a small reverse in polarity in that area but it's being closely monitored. I think you can still sleep at night rather than getting worried about that.

I really shouldn't have used up all the chickpeas from the Corona stash.

What's the monkeys' feelings on chickpeas?

...and in the next episode, bats swoop into the lab of Oxford University boffins and make off with vials of vaccine!

if you saw the accompanying photo you'd understand.

Did you read to the end where is said the undamaged kits were still intact and they don’t think there is any risk of infection?

Well, they would say that wouldn’t they? The alternative is to tell us there are now countless macaque monkeys spreading corona throughout urban India!

What I'd like to know is whether these blood samples were human or ape? I mean I can understand them rebelling if it was their own blood samples.

And did the monkeys steal anything else? *Pulls on cigar ala Columbo.

"They have colonised areas around the city's parliament and the sites of key ministries, from the prime minister's office to the finance and defence ministries, scaring both civil servants and the public.

"Very often they snatch food from people as they are walking, and sometimes they even tear files and documents by climbing in through the windows," said Ragini Sharma, a home ministry employee, in 2018".

This shit is bananas 😁

I think we need more details on this story. Was their one chief monkey who instructed them all to steal a vial each and then let them escape? Or was it a concerted effort by all monkeys involved to not only escape, but to take a COVID sample with them? Perhaps the monkeys are developing a vaccine by themselves?

Also watch out for the double agent macaques.

I'm sorry but this is monkey business.

@MagisCapulus Yes they did say that.

Well that's just marvellous, isn't it?!

What next?

That bastard Branson has created an actual Jurrasic Park?

Some archeologists open a tomb of 10,000 year old demon spirit hellbent on consuming the souls of all humanity?

Our microwaves reach sentience and lead the AI revolution?

ALIENS?!

2020. A veritable cornucopia of Apocolyptic movie plots made real.

What does one panic buy for zombie monkeys and cosmic rays?

@motorcyclenumptiness

What does one panic buy for zombie monkeys and cosmic rays?

Cyanide pills.

The photo with that article - monkeys on a motorcycle, Right in the middle there is a big bugger staring at the camera with his hand on his hip. Bloody hell.

So, it's not ok to give the monkeys the food they now rely on, in case they get it (and it mutates), but it's ok for us to eat food handled by other people

Loving that logic.

This is a country with nuclear capability remember 😡

I am loving the dude facing off the camera. Thanks for the tip

Don’t forget Australia burning, plague of locusts, son of Krakatoa was rumbling, riots in Belgium, riots in US....
2020 is the film you’d never believe.

Four cloaked weirdos just galloped down our street on horses...

This year could do a new version of Billy Joel's we didn't start the fire on it's own.