Childcare - worth it?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

This is long, sorry! I'm due back to work soon. I've been very luck to secure a coveted term time only, school hours admin job. I have a 3yo DS and 1yo dd.

We're very lucky in that my mil is a CM and doesn't charge us. Previously she had DS 3 & 1/2 days a week while I worked. My new job is 5 days a week and mil has Fridays off so we have to find a nursery space for dc that day, and DS gets 30 hours so ahead of school I'd like him to attend 3 days as he's only ever been looked after by family.

Doing the maths nursery costs for both could match my new salary. DH has asked the valid question do we want me earning "just for others to look after our children" when I could stay home and we wouldn't be any worse off financially.

My argument is that this mat leave has highlighted how much of a homemaker I am not and I feel working will help me appreciate my time with the kids more and I don't think I'd find another position that would work so well around school when I would want to return to work in the future.

I know many other couples have had similar conversations, I know the nursery costs aren't just my own - I don't believe that's what DH is saying - just is the cost to us as a family (monetary and otherwise) worth it in the long run?

Can you MIL look after DD?

You'd be crazy not to take the job. School hour jobs are like gold plated hens teeth where I am so it's not a simple as 'just get a other in a couple of years'. It doesn't sound like you want to be a SAHM anyway?

I always think it's a good idea for a woman to have her own income. When your DC are school age you will have no childcare costs if you have a school hours job so it is definitely worth it. They are like gold dust and you'll be able to do all the school runs!

You'd be absolutely nuts to turn this job down even if it's briefly equal to your nursery costs. Once you factor in the pension contribution and the increase in your employability plus the fact that in a few years' time you'll have no childcare costs, you'll be squids in and streets ahead.

But even if all that wasn't true... You want to work and don't want to be a SAHM. That's enough to say you're going to do it, unless doing it was actually going to cost you unsustainable money. End of conversation. You're taking the job.

Yes but it's only more than your salary short term and a very worthwhile investment. Especially if you have had free childcare so far. You can do well, get promoted, have holidays off, be fulfilled, live the dream. It would be really short term thinking to not work now for this reason. And rather indicates you are seen as the facilitating parent rather than a person in your own right.

Mil was winding down cm work but has stayed available for grandchildren. 2 kids are a lot of work and she wants a day off and I don't want to take the piss.

DD's one day at nursery could cost £500 a month. Add on additional costs for DS and the fact that at least one nursery will only take 15/30 funded hours we're looking at at least 2/3rds of my monthly wage.

I love my kids but I'm a bit terrible at imposing my own structure, lockdown has highlighted our problem areas as we don't even have the routine of regular groups.

And yes I want the hours the new job offers me for future school and family balance and I would have to be incredibly lucky to get another similar position.

Mil for DD 4 days and DS for two days.
Nursery for Dd one days and ds three days.

I don’t know any nursery charging £125, that’s an exaggeration!

Its a nice job. (Its what i do)

Could your DH reduce his hours and cover the days you need additional childcare?

Take the job! Better in the long term.

Have u looked at a childminder?? Our little boy goes to one and it's £4 an hour including breakfast lunch and snacks...he goes there 3 1/2 days a week and I have 1 day off with him...we looked at nursery and they were charging £212 a week x

Eh? How can nursery for one day a week cost £500 a month?! My DD goes 3 days a week and it only costs about £650 a month

Thank you!

@scrapthatthen I am very much the facilitating parent. DH joked that we'd be paying for the benefit of my mental health. Very much a joke but highlights where his mindset is.

I feel the short term pain is worth the long term gain.

And fees are probably an exaggeration! They're very secretive around here on websites so I've been estimating worst case scenario - slightly in the hopes that DH will have less of an issue when we work out actual fees

Find a Nursery that isn't charging so much! £500 a month for 1 day a week sounds a lot.

However, do take the job. Look at this long term, not at what you will earn over the next year. A job with those hours is invaluable. Also, you want to work, which is a really important thing to take into account. If your dh can't get his head round the fact this is about more than the income / expenditure, then suggest he drops a day and looks after dd when your MiL can't.

Look after you, this job works.
Nursery fees are a family cost.
Think long term is it worth holding onto this job?

Take the job. Explore every possible option to enable you to do so. Your mental health and happiness are more important than any money. I say this as somebody also who is a far better mother when I'm working and have my own interests too.

Term time job only? Hell yes I’d take it!

I dont know of any nurseries charging £125 a day! £70 in London maybe.

For 2 years my DH salary was the same as our childcare bill (he was also part-time). We knew it was a short pain for long term gain. I would never have dreamt saying he shouldn’t stay at home as his salary didn’t exceed childcare. We are both now back full time. Much reduced childcare costs and able to enjoy the extra money.

Take the job. It's also worth checking how much childminders cost as it could be cheaper/easier.

I’m not usually particularly militant about these things, but this sort of disingenuous question does slightly rile me.

Ask if you were to get a (easier to get) full time job, would he be willing to stay home all day with the kids? After all, even if he could get a school-hours job, would it really be worth it because all his income would be wiped out by nursery fees? No, thought not.

He is framing the question as your problem. Don’t let him. You have shared family responsibilities and income. The reality is that you have a shared household income of X with just him working. With both of you working it is X+Y (your job) -Z (nursery). So you are no worse off. In 2 years Z disappears as your youngest gets 30 hours, and your income is then X+Y. If you quit now and can’t get another school hours job, probable if you don’t start now as such jobs are so hard to get, it would just be X or possibly X+Y-W (wrap around childcare to enable two full time jobs). Both are worse senarios than you keeping going.

Take the job, your kids will grow up & go to school I assume?

You need to have a conversation with your DH about the way he talks to you, I think. A joke isn't very funny if it's actually a way of having a go at you. Why wouldn't paying for your mental health be perfectly reasonable, anyway?

You're also investing in the future. If you have a long gap on your CV, it probably will be harder to get back into work later on.

If your DH feels strongly about it, some of the 'give' has to come from his side.

FWIW I was the SAHM for over a year with DD and my DP really didn't get it, then I got a job and she dropped down to four days a week and looks after DD that one day - and suddenly she's much more aware what it's actually like, and much more respectful of why I was crazy to get some childcare going! It's easy for your DH to judge if he's not the one doing it all.

£125 for day a week is a big exaggeration plus you can get the tax free childcare.

So it's more likely childcare costs £280 & you will take home 1500? It's a no brainer when you get so much childcare for free surely?