Childcare - worth it?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

This is long, sorry! I'm due back to work soon. I've been very luck to secure a coveted term time only, school hours admin job. I have a 3yo DS and 1yo dd.

We're very lucky in that my mil is a CM and doesn't charge us. Previously she had DS 3 & 1/2 days a week while I worked. My new job is 5 days a week and mil has Fridays off so we have to find a nursery space for dc that day, and DS gets 30 hours so ahead of school I'd like him to attend 3 days as he's only ever been looked after by family.

Doing the maths nursery costs for both could match my new salary. DH has asked the valid question do we want me earning "just for others to look after our children" when I could stay home and we wouldn't be any worse off financially.

My argument is that this mat leave has highlighted how much of a homemaker I am not and I feel working will help me appreciate my time with the kids more and I don't think I'd find another position that would work so well around school when I would want to return to work in the future.

I know many other couples have had similar conversations, I know the nursery costs aren't just my own - I don't believe that's what DH is saying - just is the cost to us as a family (monetary and otherwise) worth it in the long run?

You’re not obliged to want to look after your children all the time. If it isn’t going to cost you anything in the sense that you’ll make up the fees by working what does it matter?

It's only going to be financially tough for 2 years before your 3 year old is in school, I'd take the hit considering the long term benefits.

This is a very personal decision that only you can make. Does it matter to you to have your own means of earning, and would you like to develop a career or just have a ‘for now’ job? How do you feel about being primary carer to your children-is that intentional and do you knowingly and willingly accept the consequences for your career, or are you sleep walking into a situation you don’t want down the line ie you earn peanuts and do everything at home while DH’s career soars? I’m not saying being primary carer would be the wrong decision but if you make that choice just do it with your eyes open and don’t be resentful down the line.

Put aside facilitating your family’s life for one minute and think what do you genuinely want for yourself in the future. Then plan around that. It might be being at home, it might be pursuing a career or it might be somewhere in between. But whatever it is, do it for YOU.

I'm also lucky enough to have a term time only, school hours job. When I started working there I had one child already in school and one who had to go to nursery, which ate up a chunk of my (minimum wage) earnings. It was worth it longer term though, now that they're both in school and I have no childcare costs. Think a few years ahead when yours are in school and you'll be glad you did it.

My boss has asked a number of times if i'll increase my hours but it wouldn't be worth it after paying for breakfast clubs, after school clubs, holiday clubs etc for the next however many years.

Take the job!!!

In no time at all DC will be at school (and you'll be the envy of many with your term-time job)

To put it into perspective DH is aiming at a pay rise that alone is 30% more than my new yearly salary. Considering he works full time he is very family balanced and knows how hard full time childcare is. He is also better than me at the whole "family money" thing.

We both always assumed "one of us" I would stay home until the kids went to school but the reality is more relentless than I envisioned and I can't see myself doing this for another 3/4 years.

This is the least I've ever earned but there is scope for picking up more hours in a few years which would still work with school.

DH assumed DS's hourly cost would be £10ph so we est dd at £15ph. Glad to hear it's likely to be much cheaper than this - this is something I've never had to do before so I have no idea of the details and nobody's got back to me re fees yet.

DH isn't saying to give up the job. He asked me if it was worth it. DH doesn't really care either way, if he won't see the money it makes no difference to him if me and the kids are at home or work/nursery throughout the day. He just wanted to check that sacrificing my time with them was worth it if it meant no cost benefit. My initial reaction was yes of course but I wanted to check that with people who have actually experienced this.

Well if you split up is he prepared to pay 100 percent of your living costs?

No?

Take the job. SAHMs running at 50 percent odds of being left and high and dry financially. Bloody insane.

@Modestandatinybitsexy I forgot to add. I always advise friends to keep their foot in the door with work. It’s really hard to get back in.

I have seen too many women give up work to look after children and then be in real problems when a couple splits. You may think it would never happen to you/your DH would be reasonable, you might be right, you might not and you would be very vulnerable without a work history.

Take the job. It’s not just about the money.

My nursery charges 30 quid a day! Around 45/50 a day is usual so only 200 quid a month!

Ridiculous exaggeration 500 quid a month for one day a week! Get the actual amount and then tell DH that you're taking the job.

Short term it means you feel like you’re hardly earning but longer term (those pre school years will fly - dc is 1 so in 24 months will get 30 hours free and dc1 will be in school). Keep a job that works longer term rather than losing your identity and reducing job options. I’ve seen it and you’ll be in such a vulnerable position. If you love being a home maker then fine but if you don’t (I’m in this camp) you’ll be miserable!

Take the job, being on lockdown has made me appreciate just how much I like being away from children for part of the day and how much more patient I am with them when I’m at work, I appreciate the time with them when I’m not at work more!

Look into tax free childcare too, there’s restrictions on it about household salary and benefits but if you’re eligible whatever you put into the account to pay nursery is topped up by the government by 20%, my nursery bill at the min is only £130 so I pay £105 into the account and it gets topped.

Personally, I agree with your oh.

Why would you for the next 4 years work this way to pay another to do in essence what you should be wanting to do yourself?

If structure is the issue, then find groups. Be proactive. Covid will mean thing reopen. But you need to make the effort.

Yes term time jobs can be great, but I don't imagine you'll still be able to collect your child at the end of the day, so you'll remain reliant on wraparound care/after school clubs, so these childcare costs will remain in some form.

Don't forget you can pay via the gov scheme (in England) where for every 8 quid you pay the government pays £2.
Look at several child care options

To give an idea of nursery costs... in the south east (sussex) nursery fees tend to be about £50-£55 for a full day ie 8am - 5:30 at a nursery which opens 51 weeks a year. If your job is school hours some of these nursery’s offer a school hours session which is more like £35-40ish.

The other option is a playschool which tend to run term time and school hours and I think the cost is also £35-£40

Or... another childminder? Some do the free hours and they charge around £4.25 - £5 per hour.

Every nursery I considered had their fees on their website so have a look at these in your area.

I have to work for my mental state. I’m way better parent for it and even a few hundred quid “profit” is extra income!

I'd definitely take the job but I'd ring around some nurseries not all nurseries just let you pick one day a week its normally at least 2 and they can also use the 15/30 hours as they wish at our nursery 15 hours can only be used as 3hours am or pm over 5 days and the 30 hours 9.15-3.15 5 days so you may want to look around as they wont all fit your plan.

I'm going through this at the moment. We've boiled it down to mental health and I'd rather be a happier mum and give my DS an opportunity to meet other people and gain some independence than be the grumpy mum who doesn't like being at home!

Take the job. It’s a temporary loss with a long term gain. Going back to work after having children isn’t just about earning money it’s about keeping your foot in the door. As others have said, check out tax free childcare.
Have you thought about looking into a CM instead of a nursery, it would work out significantly cheaper especially if you work term time only. My CM only charges the days I work which are also term time - the nurseries I looked at would charge holiday fees.

Why would you for the next 4 years work this way to pay another to do in essence what you should be wanting to do yourself?

What she should be wanting to do?

£125 a day really doesn’t sound right at all. I think you need to look into that again.

Some nurseries are expensive. Where are you located? My friend pays about £100 a day for her son. Paying extra for early drop offs etc

I have a tto job & when I switched I think childcare was 90% of my salary however it came out of the family budget & the NI & pension was important to me. Plus I like being out of the home part of the week. My in the door main incentive was keeping my foot in the door. DH earns more than me but we still find 2k a month a significant bonus now both dc are in school.

Yes term time jobs can be great, but I don't imagine you'll still be able to collect your child at the end of the day, so you'll remain reliant on wraparound care/after school clubs, so these childcare costs will remain in some form.

Yes our dc do activities eg coding & tennis after school even on my days off & often go to play schemes in the holidays so childcare isn't zero.

The most expensive nursery in my area of London was £94 a day however I preferred the childminder who was £70. If you earn under 100k you can save 20% on that.

It depends on where you are, but I pay £45 per day per child for my childminder, inclusive of wraparound care

Take the job, I'm in a similar position, and child care per month costs about 2/3 of my salary, but I'm in it for the long haul and hoping that when all three are in school next year, it'll be a lot less.

Also no gaps in my CV and gaining experience. I've worked part time since my kids were young it was that or being stay at home and I couldn't risk leaving my career and then trying to return to it after 10 years starting from scratch.

Also your mental health is important, you get to have some time away from the kids every day and also spend a good portion of the day with them, everyone wins. A school term only job is like the holy grail ,take it!!