I appreciate this sounds like the title of an idiotic movie but it is my life. I have a snake in the attic, this is the fourth time I've had snakes in the house.
The first time I went to clean the bathroom and the lino was weirdly lifted as if there was a long hose pipe underneath. Thinking it was an (huge and hose pipe shaped) air bubble, I went to squash it down and it moved! Later on I found a snake skin behind the TV so this guy had been with us for a while which is extra surprising as I have 3 dogs and 2 cats. Clearly all of them are entirely useless.
Second time friends were visiting when their dog started to bark non-stop in the middle of the night. Luckily they were sleeping with the dog in the bedroom because the snake had climbed up the ivy and in through the bloody window.
Number three was almost tame by comparison, the builders found a snake in the attic while working on the roof...
...and number four must be number three's long lost cousin as he's also in the attic but three years later.
Worse bit of the whole scary tale is that numbers 1, 2 and 3 were safely rehomed in the fields but bloody number 4 escaped and is still roaming the attic. Before anyone says, how large can this attic be, it's bloody massive and under renovation so a mess.
Any snake charmers about? Or do I have to wait till the snake joins me in bed? (I have moved the Jack Russell onto the bed now for extra safety!).
P.S. I am not in the UK, most snakes here are non-venomous but one variety is. Apparently you need to look into the slits of their eyes to figure which one is which - fuck that for a game of soldiers!