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Original poster

Granndparents want to see us, what would you?

55 replies

covidco · 29/05/2020 09:13

PIL want to visit. They live 2 hours away and would come for the day. They are in their 60s but in poor health, numerous underlying health conditions but not in a shielding group. So far we've said no. Our reasons being that I am an NHS worker, and though I use PPE I come in to regular contact with people who do not, and people who are not respecting social distancing/ lock down etc. I do not come in to contact with people who have a confirmed COVID diagnosis, though may be undiagnosed or asyptomatic.

DS is nearly 4 and DD just turned 1. They are both in nursery with other key worker kids. The nursery is not implementing social distancing or using PPE (something I am grateful for and happy about but does increase risk of my children being carriers).

PIL would be unable to last the journey and visit without going to the loo or eating/ drinking. Our toilet is furthest point from the garden. DS just about understands social distancing but I doubt he'd be able to stick to it for a full day, with DD we have no chance.

Would you let them visit?

FWIW, I am not letting my parents/ family visit so it isn't because it's PIL - we get on well, they are nice people but if we say no they will be hurt and upset.

OP posts:
maxonebitch · 29/05/2020 09:14

There is no way I would see them.

DerbyshireGirly · 29/05/2020 09:15

IMO they are adults, let them make their own decision. If they accept the risk and still want to see you, that's their choice.

Nymeriastark1 · 29/05/2020 09:23

@derby and the op's an adult that can make her own decisions, she's allowed to say no. It's your choice op because it's your house, my in-laws and parents are desperate to see dd but we've all agreed no for now, as she's to young to understand social distancing rules. Especially as my mil has a heart condition.

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majesticallyawkward · 29/05/2020 09:24

I wouldn't if you'd be expecting them and the children to maintain social distancing, its not realistic and will likely cause stress for everyone.

My 5yo doesn't really get distancing and I end up having to constantly reminding her to move away- and that's just on a walk where we don't know anyone.

mondaynoon · 29/05/2020 09:25

Could you go and see them for a shorter visit?

Original poster
covidco · 29/05/2020 09:27

mondaynoon

Unfortunately they don't have a garden and I'd be uncomfortable using public toilets if we met somewhere public. I have bladder issues so certainly couldn't go 5+ hours with no toilet, even if DS could (unlikely).

OP posts:
Juiceey · 29/05/2020 09:41

@DerbyshireGirly

IMO they are adults, let them make their own decision. If they accept the risk and still want to see you, that's their choice.
This.

And they can use your toilet as long as you clean it after.

Original poster
covidco · 29/05/2020 09:45

DerbyshireGirly part of my concern is that they will not follow social distancing rules, they will want to hug and kiss us and the kids, they will be offended when we say no and when we keep the kids away from them.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 29/05/2020 09:47

Juiceey and OP is an adult, and can say no.
I'd say no OP - I know it's hard but I think it's the right decision. All you can do is keep insisting that you don't want to be responsible for putting them at risk.

Temple29 · 29/05/2020 09:49

I wouldn’t personally just to be on the safe side. The kids are too young to socially distance easily. Myself and DH have said no to family members for similar reasons.

Skige · 29/05/2020 09:50

I'm all for doing your own risk assessments, but no i wouldn't be doing this.

Tittytittydoomdoom · 29/05/2020 09:53

No

Knocksomesense · 29/05/2020 09:54

In this situation I would also say no, painful as it is

ineedaholidaynow · 29/05/2020 09:55

Could your DH go meet them somewhere, maybe a park nearer to where they live. I know they probably want to see the grandchildren more but if social distancing is going to be a problem then I wouldn’t let them visit.

Booboostwo · 29/05/2020 09:55

Their risk, their decision. If they were putting you at risk then it would be your choice, but it seems clear that they are most at risk. You can't tell people which risks are worth taking and which are not. They have presumably decided that the benefits of seeing you all outweigh the risks. It's their decision to make.

onalongsabbatical · 29/05/2020 10:05

Once again, it's not their decision to take because they are asking to visit OP and OP is within HER rights to say no!

Tropical2 · 29/05/2020 10:12

I would say no. It's all very well Grandparents announcing they now want to see the GC but the parents of the GC have to agree to it too. They've waited this long, they can wait a few more weeks, perhaps until the next phase. Tell them to wait until 18 June when the Government will give it's advice to the shielded group.

Viviennemary · 29/05/2020 10:16

Let them decide for themselves. And I'm sure I heard in the guidelines yesterday visitors are allowed to use the loo but it needs to be thoroughly cleaned afterwards. But difficult if you need to do this for every individual.

Happymum12345 · 29/05/2020 10:17

No. Wait a while longer.

ineedaholidaynow · 29/05/2020 10:19

For those saying it is the GPs’ risk to take. If you were the only family they saw and they were self isolating for everything else, and they got ill after seeing you and one of them died, how would you feel?

Viviennemary · 29/05/2020 10:21

Then that risk is one we all will be taking unless we want to live in total isolation for the foreseeable future.

andweallsingalong · 29/05/2020 10:22

I share your frustrations. Haven't seen family at all since pre-lockdown. Considered seeing my Mum at the park, but none of us (me, her, DC) would be able to not hug - and too far to not need the loo.

So, we are waiting for track and trace along with further relaxation. Frustrating!

81Byerley · 29/05/2020 10:25

Just say no, you and your family are following the rules because you are at risk of passing the virus on to them. And you'd never forgive yourself if anything happened to them.
To be honest, if they had any sense, they'd want to avoid contact. I'd love to see my family, but if they turned up here they'd have to talk to us from the end of the drive. if I can't hug them I'd rather not see them.

DahliaDay · 29/05/2020 10:26

What if it rains on the day they are due ruling out sitting in the garden?

tonglong · 29/05/2020 10:28

What is your worry?

Do you think you have covid19 give it to them and then they will die?

My partner works with people who have it and minimal ppe. We had to decide if we think her job will kill us all....we have decided we don't think it will kill us all.

I'm not saying either is right or wrong.