How do I give less without appearing mean.

[Toddlerteaplease]

Colleagues 0 birthday. We get on well but I wouldn't say we were particular friends. Another colleague has asked for £30 from all of us. I wouldn't normally spend that much on my own family. We just don't do that. Everyone else is agreeing with the amount. How do I not give that but not seem mean?

Whose idea was it to make it £30? How much do you do for a normal birthday?

You're her colleagues, not her friends. I think that's really crossing a boundary actually. I don't spend that much on family or friends unless it's a big birthday and they are people I live, not people I work with!

No way I'd contribute £30.
I'd just say 'thanks but I'll buy my own gift'.
They won't want your name on the present anyway if they are all paying £30 and you are putting a fiver to it.

£30 is ridiculous! As others have said, I expect your colleagues will be glad if you say something.

The most I would put in at work is £5, and that's for my team mates who I like. Anyone else is a couple of quid.

What's she planning on buying with everyone's £30?

For my parents or sister it would be max £30. For my best friend it would be about £50 ish

We only ever put a pound in each for a colleague! £30 is just excessive! I would just send an email and explain that, "I'm sorry but I cannot afford the suggested donation, so I'm going to buy x an affordable gift." I would just spend a fiver on wine/chocolates. He/she will appreciate it.

£30?!! I was asked for £15 for a colleague's birthday last week and I thought that was too much.

I'm willing to chip
In £15 max. It'll be interesting to see who actually does pay it. My colleagues think I have more money as I'm
Single.

For a work colleague they'd be lucky to get a fiver out of me. £30 is taking the proverbial.

I'm sorry, have I misunderstood? Are you saying you're also expected to attend a party? And pay to do so? As well as stump up £30? Because if so, I can only assume they're confusing it with a wedding.

And if I have, £30 is still far too much. £15 only sounds less ridiculous, not actually sane. How many of you are there?

Yep. That's happening next year now.

How many of you are there being asked to contribute? What are they planning on buying?

It’s a lot just for a colleague. I bet other people aren't pleased about being asked for that amount.

I would hate to think my colleagues had contributed £30 for a gift for me! I’d expect all but the cheekiest fuckers to feel likewise! Unless you all earn six figure salaries and that kind of money is a drop in the ocean then anywhere I’ve worked it’s £5 - £10 max if they were long-standing colleague you really liked or otherwise whatever spare change you had on you when the collection was sent around. Just say you can’t spare that kind of money in the current circumstances, you won’t be the only one who feels it’s far too much.

We pay £5 at most, £30 is taking the piss x

Try this:

Say you've already bought her something - you picked it up pre lockdown as you went on a present buying spree because you thought you wouldn't get the opportunity later.

Then buy her something for £30 that has been reduced to £15.

Job done ✅

I have a colleague at work who does this. I don't have the brains for it.

Is she/he going to be 100?

Sorry, meant to add that at that point I might chip in for more than a tenner. £30 for a colleague birthday is, quite frankly, bonkers

I wouldn't have a clue what to buy her!

I've never worked anywhere where co-workers bought each other birthday present for which I'm very thankful.

That's an insane amount.

Just a fiver , you can do what you wish, and not follow the herd. It is totally wrong,for someone to think of deciding what others should contribute to anything.

£30 😮 , be honest and say you can’t afford it. Is there anyone else that you’re close to who you think would feel the same? Maybe have a word with them and both send an email saying it’s too much.

How many colleagues are there? What are they planning on buying?

@Toddlerteaplease omg that's CF. I've never heard of £30 from each colleague and no way would I pay it either £5-£10 is fairly reasonable but not £30! I've got some good excuses for you though, just politely say "I can't do £30 I'm afraid as it's birthday "season" in my family right now however I would still like to contribute something towards the card and present" and put in what you can afford. Or you could say "Oh sorry I already went out and bought colleague something" and spend what you can afford.

These CF pull these stunts because they rely on others being too embarrassed to speak up. I've learned over the years that CF have no shame so why should you be shamed into going along with their CF behaviour! the less someone speaks up the more they take the piss.

@Toddlerteaplease I see someone already told you to use the "I've already bought her something" excuse. As in what to buy her maybe a shopping voucher for Debenhams, M&S, Next etc she can use online or when lock down is over. Or a nice bottle of wine/whisky or whatever she drinks.

I think I'd use the "already bought something" excuse too.

£30 😬