My dd is wasting away!

[Afishcallledbob]

Hi I’ve name changed for this but been here for a while. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My dd is 15 she has always been funny with food and had becoming more so before lockdown started. Since the lockdown she has pretty much stopped eating. She will pick at a cracker or some fruit making it take forever but that’s about it. She’s lost about over a stone and has dropped to about 6 stone.

I have been trying everything to get her help but I’m getting nowhere the drs keep saying it’s just stress related and that she will be fine when this is over. My doctors don’t have people into the surgery at the moment so get her to weigh herself while on the phone to them and obviously she’s denying that there’s a problem. I’ve finally managed to get her a councillor but they have huge waiting lists.

Has anyone else been through this and how did you help them? She’s like a different girl these days.

I have no experience but read this and am bumping for you. Hope you get some helpful replies and your DD is well soon.

Thank you so much.

What is her bmi on the nhs scale? You can often access more help if it’s at a certain point. This is tough and I really feel for you

I was worried about my son, he’s lost a lot of weight but actually when I weighed him and measured him, his bmi is on the lower end but he isn’t underweight which suprised me a lot

you can try private therapists? my friend who works in this field is still seeing her inpatients face to face but also doing her private clients virtually.

i'm sure she won't be the only one

Call/email her school. Head teacher, head of house, whoever Is your go to person.
In most schools that person will support you in getting this flagged up with health care professionals.
They will want to support your daughter.

I can sympathise OP - you're caught between wanting what's in your daughter's best interests and not wanting to make it into an issue. Maybe the doctors are right - I've known a few adults who are under 7 stone and are slim and small built - but not unhealthy.

My dd 17 is anorexic. Gp was useless. The school phoned me and got us to ask gp explicitly for referral to eating disorder unit and to say the school insisted. This is what you need to do. The eating disorder unit can diagnose and help. My dd is recovering but it is a rocky road and lockdown is known to make these disorders worse. Hope that helps.

If you need help with something this serious, it’s usually effective to kick up a bit of a fuss

Can you contact CAHMS?

She is right on the line of between healthy and underweight and gone from the 50th centile to the 3rd. I can’t afford to go private as I’m a single mum of three and currently furloughed. I really wish I could as she just keeps getting worse. Her form tutor knows and has sent her some information about websites to help with mental health. She gets so angry when it comes to food or even the mention of it.

Is she still having periods? Is she exercising for long periods? Running, walking...
Does she talk about her eating?
Might she be depressed?
This sounds like a possible eating disorder. 6 stone is very underweight whatever her height.
Push hard to get a GP consultation, prob over the phone.
Keep a close eye on whether she is still periods, at 6 stone, I would imagine they've stopped. This needs to be taken seriously

All the best

@LardyMa I hope your dd is ok. I think I’m going to have to kick up more of a fuss. I’m not the most forward person so don’t think that helps and they keep wanting to only talk to her where she tells them she’s fine when she clearly isn’t. CAHMS are only taking referrals through the drs at the moment so will request they put her forward for that too.

She says she’s still having them. She’s very private and doesn’t tell me anything like that. She won’t talk about her food and if she does eat she breaks things up into tiny pieces and picks at them in a way that it looks like she’s eating but it’s barely anything. She also gets angry at her siblings if they mention food around her telling them they are disgusting eating what they do or that they are eating too loud.

Thank you. My daughter is ok. However your daughter sounds exactly like mine. Please phone gp and ask explicitly for referral to eating disorder unit. It is nhs. They help. My daughter has weekly phone calls with a counsellor and I watch her like a hawk. It is a marathon not a sprint. You need help. It needs nipping in the bud. X

How worrying. I would want to exclude an Eating Disorder. Early diagnosis is beneficial.

If you google your local CAMHS they may speak to you directly for advice?

Or you could try Link below for helpline advice.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines

I hope you get support soon.

It doesn't matter what her BMI is or what she weighs - eating nothing but a cracker and some fruit is an eating disorder. You don't have to be underweight to have an eating disorder.

Please do kick up a fuss and get her referred to a specialist eating disorder clinic.

Keep talking to her.

If she’s getting angry, it’s probably because she’s got a problem. But don’t push her and force her to eat - people will eating disorders can be very sneaky and she will end up hiding things.

I agree with PP that it needs nipping in the bud as anorexia and the like take a tighter grip the longer they are around and the lower weight goes.

Take a look at the beat website, there’s some good advice for carers.

I really hope she is ok, it’s a bloody miserable existence and it won’t feel like a choice to her, it feels like it controls you.

Honestly, you need to push harder. Your GP has to see some pts face to face.
The fact that she is angry and defensive is relevant here.
She will need to see a GP for a referral to the ED unit nearest to you.

Here are some NHS guidelines for parents with children with diagnosed eating disorders. I know your daughter isn't presently in this category OP, but I think the advice is helpful to bear in mind anyway. Best wishes for you all.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/eating-disorders/advice-for-parents/

www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

Would thoroughly recommend this helpline which has an option for parents, you might find this more appropriate than Beat although I wouldn't dismiss them. But both of these are specialist organisations so definitely give someone a call OP.

Are you in London or the South East OP? The Mawdsley is taking self referrals for young people but only in certain boroughs (I appreciate its a long shot)

www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/camhs/camhs-eatingdisorders/

The Royal Free also has a v goid ED unit if you are in London

GPs are seeing some patients face to face I have an appointment for this Thursday. But anyway your dd needs an appointment with an eating disorder specialist. Ring GP back and insist they help.

Please please please flag it with your daughter’s school. They will flag it and get it sorted far quicker than a GP.

She’s definitely got some kind of disordered eating and you’ve spotted quickly how much weight she is losing. Are you sure she isn’t lying to you about how much she weighs?

Massive handhold here, this isn’t easy. Xxx

Thank you her drs are only doing video and phone calls at the moment I’m hoping they will change that soon.