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Original poster

My dd is wasting away!

70 replies

Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 16:22

Hi I’ve name changed for this but been here for a while. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My dd is 15 she has always been funny with food and had becoming more so before lockdown started. Since the lockdown she has pretty much stopped eating. She will pick at a cracker or some fruit making it take forever but that’s about it. She’s lost about over a stone and has dropped to about 6 stone.

I have been trying everything to get her help but I’m getting nowhere the drs keep saying it’s just stress related and that she will be fine when this is over. My doctors don’t have people into the surgery at the moment so get her to weigh herself while on the phone to them and obviously she’s denying that there’s a problem. I’ve finally managed to get her a councillor but they have huge waiting lists.

Has anyone else been through this and how did you help them? She’s like a different girl these days.

OP posts:

Original poster

Afishcallledbob · 26/05/2020 19:15

@Goawayquickly thank you for the links. I needed up ticking yes to all but a couple of the first one. I didn’t even think of a lot of those things but she’s been displaying a lot of the signs before all of this.

OP posts:

Goawayquickly · 26/05/2020 19:45

DM me if you like. I can help you navigate all this.

Original poster

Afishcallledbob · 29/05/2020 14:32

I can’t seem to find how to pm from the app.

She went for the blood test today which was weird as we haven’t been anywhere in so long. First time wearing masks etc. She had her blood pressure taken that was 100/60 no idea if that’s good or not then the nurse said that she needed to step on the scales but she outright refused. The nurse seemed really annoyed at that but short of picking her up and forcing her on them there’s not much I could do.

OP posts:

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Original poster

Afishcallledbob · 29/05/2020 14:34

They took her bp 3 times and the others were 90/60 and 95/60. The nurse said they choose the best one to report on her notes.

OP posts:

RuffleCrow · 29/05/2020 14:47

I'm no expert, but as these things are usually about control, i don't think watching her eat or being too pushy is the answer in the short term. The more you push her, the more she'll dig her heels in.

I know fussy eating and anorexia are two different things, but with my fussy eater the more i relax about food the more she eats.

You say she's distant and doesn't talk about things. Can you get yourself some books on parenting teenage girls to help you create a closer relationship with her while you wait for professional help? And maybe buy some books on how to help/understand eating disorders at the same time?

OliviaBenson · 29/05/2020 14:48

Press them op. Her refusal to go on the scales is also telling. You need an urgent referral to an eating disorder specialist.

It's a horrible and manipulative disease. Can you see what she's been accessing on the internet? Worth checking to see if she's on any proana websites.

A friend of a friend I know had a child die last year from the disease. They hadn't been able to access any help.

Get some support for yourself as well and your other children if you can.

CalendulaAndRoses · 29/05/2020 14:52

oh bless her, refusing to go on scales. Suspect she knows she is too underweight. Sending hugs to both of you this is so tough. Hope you get good advice from @Goawayquickly and can figure out a way to navigate this before it all gets too entrenched. The ongoing damage from chronic anorexia can be pretty bad. I honestly think there is a bit of biochemistry that goes haywire at a certain point in the weightloss journey after which an anorexic finds it almost impossible to just change behaviour without significant intervention so I hope you find the right support and can get that for her. And as for the nurse being really annoyed, that just shows a significant lack of understanding imo

Original poster

Afishcallledbob · 29/05/2020 14:58

That’s the thing I find the hardest we usually talk about everything and she still does talk to me about everything but food. She spends a lot of time handing round chatting to me but is a different person if the subject of food comes up. It’s like living with Someone else.

The younger two have started to comment on her not eating which is hard to explain to them as one of them has asd and sees things very black and white so says she’s stupid as you have to eat and my youngest just worries about her. We have a phone appointment on Thursday to discuss the results with the dr.

OP posts:

iCrochetSoIDontKillPeople · 29/05/2020 15:13

Exact same with my 16 year old. She eats like a bird and is skin and bone, she enjoys looking at herself in the mirror to see how thin she looks. Now she's started running every day Doctors tried talking to her a few times, but were of no help (not their fault as they have to prioritize urgent cases at the moment)

Have found a fab counsellor at SWEDA.org. They deal with child and teen eating disorders and have been helping her online. Counsellor is tracking the underlying issues causing the eating disorder and she is improving slowly. We do have to pay but it's subsidized for children.... it's definitely worth the money. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat x

Savingshoes · 29/05/2020 15:30

I would think that being in control of her oral intake is just part of her symptoms.
If she's not careful she could end up losing so much weight it affects her heart.
She does sound like she needs an assessment with mental health team. Contact your local school nursing team and they can help too.

Goawayquickly · 29/05/2020 18:32

Myth buster! Eating disorders are not about control, control is a symptom. They are caused by not eating enough and this is now known amongst ED clinicians. I'll DM you OP.

Goawayquickly · 29/05/2020 18:43

I’ve messaged you.

Goawayquickly · 29/05/2020 21:56

@iCrochetSoIDontKillPeople feel free to message me too, food is medicine in eating disorders, the idea of underlying issues is old school thinking

CosmicVagina · 09/06/2020 09:07

How are things @Afishcallledbob c

Northernsoullover · 09/06/2020 09:24

I don't have any experience of anorexia but I do have experience of anxiety and not eating. I physically cannot eat when I am anxious. I've been so ill this lockdown that the GP has put me on mirtazapine which has made me hungry.
I didn't want to lose weight. I physically couldn't eat.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/06/2020 09:28

I hope you managed to access some help for your dd.

My ds had severe weight issues as a teen - not an eating disorder but extreme depression so that he only ate or drank when prompted. The GP. was no help but his sixth form tutor was brilliant and he had a lot of support from CAMHS . It was so hard trying to get him to eat especially as he is an extremely fussy eater (always has been). It did have an effect on our younger ds as well - meals became this dreadful battle and I would end up in tears sometimes. It
is so hard to watch someone you love damaging themselves in front of you.

Is there a school counsellor you can access? That really helped my ds.

Good luck.

iCrochetSoIDontKillPeople · 13/07/2020 13:39

Posting here for traffic...

In March my healthy/happy teen was dumped by her boyfriend AND lost her best friend.... both through very unjust circumstances, then lockdown and the inevitable isolation hit her hard. Since then her eating has spiralled out of control. She is now around 7 stone and eats around 2-300 calories a day. I have taken her to the doctors and she has been referred to an eating disorder clinic and has her first appointment on Thursday. She has already been having private counselling for the past two months but it hasn't really helped as she doesn't get on with her counsellor. She has also said she doesn't want any help yet.

This past weekend was awful, we had a massive row yesterday which went on for an hour, but at the end, we were all crying and she really opened up and said how much she hated herself, her disorder and also how sorry she was for causing us pain... but she literally CANNOT eat. She is stick thin, exhausted and constantly crying or angry. She hasn't eaten since Saturday night and is currently in bed, too weak to get up.

I have a younger 8 year old daughter which I'm trying not to let it affect... My husband (their step dad) is successfully in recovery for addiction so I am still taking one day at a time with him. DD's natural father who lives far away just said I should come down on her like a ton of bricks and punish her/take away luxuries until she starts eating... so he is NO help at all...

I feel so drained, I can't cope with this. My family are supportive but live far away and have problems of their own. So I'm sitting in the kitchen typing while my daughter is wasting away upstairs. What the hell do I do?

Goawayquickly · 13/07/2020 13:56

On 300 calories a day you go to A&E right away and get her heart checked and she'll need her bloods and potassium levels checked urgently. DM me too

iCrochetSoIDontKillPeople · 13/07/2020 14:12

She had ECG and bloods done on Friday. Heart was fine but couldn't get any blood out (she wasn't dehydrated, just shrunken veins) how do you DM? Can't figure it out

Goawayquickly · 13/07/2020 14:25

I've messaged you

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