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Original poster

My dd is wasting away!

70 replies

Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 16:22

Hi I’ve name changed for this but been here for a while. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My dd is 15 she has always been funny with food and had becoming more so before lockdown started. Since the lockdown she has pretty much stopped eating. She will pick at a cracker or some fruit making it take forever but that’s about it. She’s lost about over a stone and has dropped to about 6 stone.

I have been trying everything to get her help but I’m getting nowhere the drs keep saying it’s just stress related and that she will be fine when this is over. My doctors don’t have people into the surgery at the moment so get her to weigh herself while on the phone to them and obviously she’s denying that there’s a problem. I’ve finally managed to get her a councillor but they have huge waiting lists.

Has anyone else been through this and how did you help them? She’s like a different girl these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 18:06

Sorry im such a slow typer didn’t realise there were so many replies. Thank you everyone for your links and advice. I’m in the south east so will look into the self referral. I’m going to look all the links now.

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 25/05/2020 18:07

OP you will need to be really pushy at the moment. Phone your GP surgery, mention the fall in weight percentiles. GPs ARE seeing emergencies and this is one.
If they don't agree to see you send a letter 'signed for' explaining the situation and making a formal complaint about the lack of an appt. I would also consider going to A and E if no joy at the GP.
Keep a record of all she eats, disordered behaviour etc

Oneearringlost · 25/05/2020 18:09

Bear in mind your DD may refuse to self refer.
This is one of the most secretive of mental health problems.
It can be brutal and tragic and you need to be in charge
I'm so sorry

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Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2020 18:18

From what I’ve read on other threads, teens are struggling. Perhaps less so now they can see friends.

I think you need to push the Gp and contact the school. Does your dd seem interested in seeing her friends?

Original poster
Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 18:26

She’s been for a walk with one of her friends but came home early because she was tired. She’s very focused on her GCSEs next year and has been working like mad to get them done. She doesn’t have the biggest group of friends but the ones she does have are very close. They don’t live close to each other so have to rely on parents to five them a lift to meet up.

OP posts:
fuckinghellthisshit · 25/05/2020 18:47

Push hard for your GP to see her urgently OP. This is very serious and she needs professional help.

millymollymoomoo · 25/05/2020 19:05

Aside from the eating what else is going on in her life? Is she stressed, missing school, anxious, missing friends ? Anything that she’s struggling with? I’m not an eating disorder expert at all but often these manifest itself from other things going on and it’s a way of taking control - at least they feel They are in control

How is she in herself ?

You should do the things many posters have already suggested but keep the communication open in a non confrontational way as well

Original poster
Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 19:09

She is in yr 10 so has her GCSEs next year which is a stress as she’s predicted to do well which I think she feels she has to live up to. She missed her bf a lot and everyone else. It’s pretty dull for her being stuck here with me and her younger siblings who bicker a lot. We watch films together when they are in bed but lately seems a lot more withdrawn and just wants to sleep.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2020 19:10

I’m sorry she had to cut short her outing with her friends.

What do you mean by “working like mad”? In an obsessional way or working hard. I’m just wondering like Milly if your dd is choosing things in her life she can control because so much else isn’t right now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2020 19:11

Cross post. She sounds perhaps depressed. No expert. Just my experience and what I’ve read.

vinoelle · 25/05/2020 19:15

I’m a GP. It depends on what your local referral criteria are. Ours are very strict.

If BMI is over 17.5 we can only refer to ‘healthy minds’ which is a bit of counselling and support but not intensive. If bmi under 17.5 then we can refer to eating disorder clinic, they categorically won’t accept other referrals no matter how destructive the behaviour. Difficult.

vinoelle · 25/05/2020 19:16

Btw I would happily deal with this over the phone ... doesn’t necessarily need a face to face appointment

Elsiebear90 · 25/05/2020 19:17

Could you try some meal replacement shakes to boost her calories? If she’s anorexic she may not drink them, but it’s worth a try if she’s gone off food while you’re waiting for help.

megladon2020 · 25/05/2020 19:18

Contact/ google your local Camhs service. It's different in each area how you access things but where I live there's something called single point of access and they have staff manning the phones daily. An extreme drop in weight is very worrying. I hope you and your dd gets some support.

Goawayquickly · 25/05/2020 19:23

If that's all shes eating take her to A&E she needs her heart checked and labs drawn urgently. You have to get her eating urgently. You need to really push for help but ultimately it will be down to you to have her eat.

FreeKitties · 25/05/2020 19:25

If your struggling to access support contact the pastoral team at DDs school- they will be able to help get the referral off the ground.

CalendulaAndRoses · 25/05/2020 20:15

Anorexics can be very clever, very secretive, very good at making you think there is no problem. They can also have perfectionist tendencies and use food control as a way of feeling in control of something when other things feel difficult. From your description it sounds very much like your daughter has an eating disorder. You won't be equipped to deal with this on your own as an anorexics' thought processes can get very disordered and she will need very specialised help. Having had personal experience (many years ago) I would second those who say you need to take this very seriously and push and push until you get the help she needs. Even if it feels uncomfortable or like her condition might not be serious enough. Being in close proximity to her as you are it is possible you haven't really registered the gravity of the issue as the weight loss will have been so gradual. I'd get help as soon as you possibly can as there will be a tipping point with the weight loss after which the associated thinking will only get more disordered and the physical impact both in the short and longer term more dangerous.

I am sorry you are both going through such a stressful time. I hope you get the help she needs

CalendulaAndRoses · 25/05/2020 20:18

just read OP again - you are very aware of the gravity of the weight loss - sorry, didn't mean to suggest otherwise. Sounds like you are doing everything you can, but just need to get pushier. Wishing you the very best of luck with sourcing the best support

TwilightPeace · 25/05/2020 20:29

She is in yr 10 so has her GCSEs next year which is a stress as she’s predicted to do well which I think she feels she has to live up to

Is anyone putting a lot of pressure on her with regards to school work? Seems a bit extreme that she’s so stressed when the exams are a year away?

Agree she sounds depressed. Withdrawn, tired and not taking pleasure in usual activities can be signs of depression.

Coming back from her walk due to feeling tired is worrying. I hope you can access the help you need quickly before it escalates.

Is there anything else going on in her life?

Original poster
Afishcallledbob · 25/05/2020 21:03

I’m not one to put pressure on about school work I think it’s the stress of having to keep herself organised. Plus she has always been a perfectionist when it comes to school. She has her whole life planned out. We have been through a lot over the last few years and that may have been what started all this as she began to show interest in more restrictive diets.

I have bought her some meal replacement shakes but she refuses them saying that she doesn’t like milkshakes as they are disgusting. She likes cups of tea so I have switched the milk to ff and she hasn’t seemed to notice.

I will let you know how I get on with the drs and CAMHs tomorrow.

OP posts:
Goawayquickly · 25/05/2020 22:09

Despite what people think about eating disorders they're actually caused by not eating enough (negative energy deficit) in people who have the genetic makeup for them.

I'm mum to someone in strong recovery. Feel free to DM and I'll pass on some good, up to date resources to help you.
That will be tomorrow though. Please jump on this, it's not a wait and see situation

Original poster
Afishcallledbob · 26/05/2020 12:46

Spoke to the drs today and they spoke to her and asked what she weighed and she told them a random number so they told her she was a healthy weight and asked if she wanted to lose more. I spoke to them and told her that she just came out with a random number so they are bringing her in to do a blood test At the end of the week and try and find out what she weighs. She’s adamant they aren’t weighing her so we will see how that goes. Then they are having a follow up telephone appointment a week later.

OP posts:
TheListeners · 26/05/2020 13:34

Glad someone is taking your concerns seriously. It might be worth chatting with school about sending her in if a return to some kind of routine might help. My eldest has really struggled staying at home and when I spoke to school they were very happy for him to return. Obviously it's a risk with regards Covid and your health and your childrens but it's made such a difference to my son's mental health the risk is worth it.

Goawayquickly · 26/05/2020 17:26

Doctors don't have training in eating disorders so please be aware of that and the basic fact that it's the not eating that is the cause for concern not the number on the scale. The longer she goes without enough calories the more damage done to both brain and internal organs. On so few calories she needs her potassium levels checked and quickly

Goawayquickly · 26/05/2020 17:44

Good screener.
www.feedyourinstinct.com.au/

These tests are needed (regardless of reason for not eating

www.maudsleyparents.org/images/lab_tests.pdf

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/risk-factors

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