Were you a non-broody woman who had a baby?

[CoralHair]

I'm 8 months pregnant with my first and feeling a bit of a mixture of nerves and dread about the massive change coming my way next month. Don't get me wrong, this is definitely the right decision and my DH and I know we want to have a family together. But I myself have never been a broody type woman- eg I'm not into babies in general, I don't find them ridiculously cute and I'm not fussed about small children either! I know I'll adore my baby of course. I know genes will kick in and I'll love them - I hope - but I'm still a bit down about it all.

I don't want to say I'm not "maternal" because I'm full of love and I work in a caring profession (caring for adults with special needs), so I feel like that's where my maternal side comes out. I feel like I'll be more comfortable being a mother of older kids perhaps.

I just don't feel excited or gushy about having this baby, or about things like toys, nursery planning, buying baby clothes etc and when people like my MIL are literally jumping up and down clapping hands with excitement i just feel slightly down.

Are there any other "non-broody" / non-baby type women who've had babies and can offer me any positive tales? I keep getting told that when they smile and look at you you'll go all gooey but I'm not feeling excited about any of it!

DH is so excited bless him and I sometimes feel guilty.

I was never interested in children/babies, they were something for the distant future. Then I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told I needed to ‘get on with it’ soon. So I did and had two DC’s who I love dearly. Still not interested in others peoples babies/children/mummy talk etc etc though.

I'm another one who had no experience with babies - probably held two in my life prior to having DD - and was one of the first of my friend group to have a family (we're a slow lot, I was 31 ).

DD was the result of moving and running out of my contraceptive before I'd registered with a new doctor! But, I was excited when I realised I was pregnant and just got on with it. Despite being clueless, DH and I fell in love with her the moment she was born.

The weird thing is that after having two children, I've become a maternal, far more "gooey" person than I was before! I smile stupidly at random people's babies when they walk past and will always cuddle a baby/small child if I get the chance. I'm basically maternal towards anyone who's at least 20 years younger than me. I obviously had a dormant maternal gene.

Yes, and kids were just not up for discussion. We love nieces and nephews (not babies) but were never having any and didn't fit with our lifestyle.
I had never looked in a pram and been filled with joy, no stirings at all.

We have 3, and I love them so much. Two are adult and youngest 16, and a little gd who I love too.

Yes.. I dont even like my own nieces and nephews even though they're as good as they get.

I love my own immensely and find them cute but they do annoy me sometimes (then I wish they would "just fucking grow up").

I couldnt stand babies since I was a little girl, never interested in baby cousins. I got easily offended if I was asked to hold them and would ask aunts to ask my brother to instead. Had to feign interest in my 20s. Still cant tolerate other people's children.

I had my son young, I never wanted kids and I won't be having any more. I was never and still have never been broody, I don't even particularly care for other people's kids either and it's soooo annoying when someone's entire life revolves around their pregnancy/children and they never have anything else to do or talk about, or when they think children come first every time (obviously not in regards to something like feeding them vs parents having luxuries but in regards to never ever taking time for or treating yourself etc). Parents are people first and foremost but I don't think a lot of parents feel that way, and in fact feel guilty for thinking that way, it took me a long time to realise and feel secure in saying it's perfectly okay to not disregard your own feelings for 18 years! That said I adore my son, he motivates me, I don't know what I'd do without him! The love I feel is incomparable to anything else. I just never needed to share pics of my baby bump 7 days a week, or share every 'first' date, minute and second on social media, or clog it up with pictures of him that other people don't really care about, to prove that.

Definitely never remotely broody and neither of my two were actually planned as my partner and I were busy following other life plans. However from the moment they were both born they became, and still very much are, the best things in my life.

Yeah, wasn’t that fussed with babies, really disliked and still dislike toddlers. Hated being pregnant, felt quite resentful of the whole process.
I thought my DD1 was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, I remember even being excited to see her when she would wake me up in the night for me to feed in the early days. It wore a bit thin after a few months obviously...

I’m not a baby person at all, don’t find babies particularly cute, though I do like children. I knew I wanted my own babies but was never broody (until I started having problems conceiving, them it became v important). I’m shocked by the intensity of my feelings for my baby, could not be more in love or obsessed. Still not that fussed about other people’s babies!

Yes, not broody, had ds, love him to bits, but didn't have another, still am very unbroody and don't understand why people have lots of kids - for me not getting out of the very dependent stage would drive me mad.

I knew i wanted to be a mother - the pregnancy was very planned but I was never broody, never interested in babies or children

3 year old DS is absolutely the most amazing thing in my life the whole wide world he lights up my life and brings joy every day

I like babies a little bit more now but only a fraction, still not a baby person

I did. When I had my first I really wasn't a child fan, would much rather cuddle a kitten or puppy than a baby. It didn't make any difference to how I felt about my child, he was still the cutest loveliest baby but I was still very meh about others.

Interestingly just after he turned a year the broodiness hit big time and I was desperate for another baby so a few months later I was pregnant.

After him I had this strange feeling of being broody but yet really not wanting another child. I was so emotional when he turned a year, looking at all the baby clothes, knowing I would never do it again made me really sad yet also incredibly relieved.

He's 3 this year and hell would freeze over before I had another. I still get the broodiness a bit when I see a baby but I don't want one, I just miss the easiness of the baby stage when they stayed put, didn't trash the house and didn't argue back!

Maternal - yes
Broody - no

I have 4. I became (marginally) broody after my last 2 were born, and I who’d gladly cuddle a baby now, but prior to that - nope.

I think for me, a lot of it stemmed from my upbringing which was good and kind and loving, but not demonstrative at all. We were not, and still are not, a huggy, tactile family. My mum would never go gaga over a baby - she’s far too sensible for that!

I always knew I was maternal (worked with kids in voluntary positions for a long time) and always wanted a big family, but never broody.

My story has a happy ending but gives a slightly different perspective.

I never wanted children. For years I said a flat no, not ever. Then I met DH. He really wanted children. We talked, discussed etc and I agreed. By then, while I still didn't actively want children, I had shifted from being totally anti to mostly just a bit indifferent. I quite liked other children and was perfectly happy to have a cuddle with a baby etc, but I also liked handing them back and getting on with things. I thought my own nieces and nephews were adorable.

We needed some fertility treatment but even on this I made it clear to DH that I wasn't going to go beyond fairly basic treatment. Luckily, while it took a while etc etc, it did work and we didn't need to go into any more discussions.

It was a difficult pregnancy. I felt stressed about it a lot and hated being pregnant. I liked watching DS kick though.

I did not feel the immediate rush of love. I felt a massive sense of responsibility and duty. From the day he was born I knew I would ALWAYS prioritise him, always, but the love took longer. Much longer. I suffered from minor PND. I think this was, at least in part, mourning for the life I'd had to give up. Thank god for an NCT teacher who had said, "at some point, probably at 2 am, you will think to yourself, 'WTF have I done?! I don't want this.' It's okay, and normal". Because otherwise I would seriously have worried that I was a monster.

But slowly things got better. DS started to smile and engage with me. He started doing more, and being a bit easier. Sometimes, I'd be playing with him purely out of a sense of obligation and duty but at some point, that became more genuine. And one day I realised I did love him. I adored him.

I think if children were not in your plan, it can be hard when they come. But that yes, you will adjust. You will love them. I was also very clear with Dh that I wasn't ever going to be a SAHM. I wasn't going to be the type who did everything for the kids while he did his own thing. And he, of course, agreed completely.

You will be fine OP. But if it's hard in the beginning, don't beat yourself up about it. It gets better.

Thank you! I'm surprised there are so many women who think along the same lines!

I should have perhaps mentioned that I too am in my 40's and children weren't in my plans until I met my husband and saw a family with him. I've therefore lived an independent life, travelled and generally done as I please. Perhaps a contributing factor.

Pregnancy is not my favourite...

Anyway it's great to know I'm not alone in these feelings.

I should have perhaps mentioned that I too am in my 40's and children weren't in my plans until I met my husband and saw a family with him. I've therefore lived an independent life, travelled and generally done as I please. Perhaps a contributing factor

To what? Your lack of excitement? I had my one child at 40 by choice and had spent the previous 20 years doing exactly what I wanted -- to me that's the best possible preparation for a baby.

Inevitably you have a few months at least of having your plans curtailed and living according to the whims of someone tiny and demanding. If, like you, you have been (rightly) prioritising your own wishes for your entire adult life, you're not going to resent taking some time out from that. I think that's one of the many positives in being an older parent.

And of course it's worth saying that even if you temporarily feel you've lost yourself when you have a small baby, you get yourself right back eventually. I found the newborn and small baby stage excruciatingly difficult and felt as though I had made a gigantic error -- but that's just as likely an eventuality for someone who has been excitedly buying babygros and putting up wall transfers in the nursery for the entire pregnancy.

Best wishes, OP. It will (eventually, if not immediately) be great.

Yes .
First time mum age 36 really wasn't sure even in labour how I would feel however nature works it's magic.
It is brutal and primitive the extent to which I love my two now aged 18 and 21
However not fussed on babies generally

Love reading these! I wanted dogs not babies, I worked when both of mine were little and from the day they were born I would do anything for them I felt fiercely protective of them, and love them to bits.

Still to this day I'd rather for to see a litter of puppies than babies, I do like a few friends children but find it hard to really generally like babies or young toddlers l, after about 4/5 I love playing with them.

Had two but never felt broody. Wanted to have children rather than babies. Love mine but not keen on other people's children. Much prefer baby animals to babies.

Yes. Then I got pregnant (with two!). Biggest shock of my life. I am totally besotted.

Yes. Never planned on having children, it just wasn't even something that was in the back of my mind as a 'sometime in the future' thing. It just wasn't on my radar at all.

Fell pregnant. My kids are honestly the best thing I have ever done. If I had my time again, there are things I would change - but not that. Never that.