Were you a non-broody woman who had a baby?

[CoralHair]

I'm 8 months pregnant with my first and feeling a bit of a mixture of nerves and dread about the massive change coming my way next month. Don't get me wrong, this is definitely the right decision and my DH and I know we want to have a family together. But I myself have never been a broody type woman- eg I'm not into babies in general, I don't find them ridiculously cute and I'm not fussed about small children either! I know I'll adore my baby of course. I know genes will kick in and I'll love them - I hope - but I'm still a bit down about it all.

I don't want to say I'm not "maternal" because I'm full of love and I work in a caring profession (caring for adults with special needs), so I feel like that's where my maternal side comes out. I feel like I'll be more comfortable being a mother of older kids perhaps.

I just don't feel excited or gushy about having this baby, or about things like toys, nursery planning, buying baby clothes etc and when people like my MIL are literally jumping up and down clapping hands with excitement i just feel slightly down.

Are there any other "non-broody" / non-baby type women who've had babies and can offer me any positive tales? I keep getting told that when they smile and look at you you'll go all gooey but I'm not feeling excited about any of it!

DH is so excited bless him and I sometimes feel guilty.

Yes! I was. But I was amazed by how I took to it when they were there, and now definitely the best thing I ever did. I did not like being pregnant and found it a bit creepy but goodness, when my baby arrived, amazing.

Never wanted kids, in fact I used to feel awkward around kids, like I didn't know how to hold them, or what to say to them and never ever thought they looked cute.

My first was a mistake which I very nearly didn't go through with (due to debilitating HG just to make me feel like it was a really really shitty mistake). But oh my god he is amazing. I love him so much and I love spending time with him. So much so I had an another who is also one of the most awesome people I ever met.

People pass me their babies (or now, show me photos of their babies) and I feel almost repulsed and can't understand what they see in those wrinkly little aliens. Mine were beautiful! Other people's toddlers are disgusting and tedious. Mine were/are wonderful!

I am pretty sure you will feel the same!

I didn't want kids at all. Dh and I started out on the same page but he got broody. Aged 36 I agreed to try for six months fairly confident it wouldn't work. Got pregnant on the first cycle. 6 years later, I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old. Hated being pregnant, turned out to be shit at giving birth (2 emergency sections) but seem to be an okay mother so far.

Get this OP, not only was I non broody but I had two at once (a surprise!)

That was 15 years ago. I'd still rather cross the road to admire a cat than a baby and I'm much more comfortable with teens, but we've had a blast, love em to bits and I'm doing an OK job!

What I mainly struggled with were some of society's expectations, that I'd always dreamt of being a mother, that I'd instinctively know how to hold, feed and nurture a child, that I could get excited about Muslin Cloths or babygrows!

My mother laughed when I told her I was pregnant as I have never been the 'maternal' type.

It's OK not to feel that gush, it's ok not to be all cooey and it's ok to follow your own path.

I feel like I'll be more comfortable being a mother of older kids perhaps.

That was me. At 8 months’ pregnant with DS1 I wasn’t at all bovvered. Once he was born I loved him immediately. Some of the baby stuff was a chore and knackering, but it was also more rewarding and enjoyable than I had expected. He was a highly amusing toddler and not too headstrong (unlike DS2 🙄), so that was more fun than I was expecting too. They’re 14 & 12 now and I’m really glad we took the leap of faith. I wouldn’t be without them.

I was never "broody" and have never got excited about baby clothes or bits and bobs, but I love my dd. I don't think I felt that "rush of love" that I've read about, but I never haven't loved her. I don't plan on having any more dc and that's partly because I don't feel like I could love another child as much as the one I have. Well, I'm sure I would if it happened, but I don't want it to. I am content.

I feel like I'll be more comfortable being a mother of older kids perhaps.

It's not always a popular view but I actually loved the newborn stage. It was exhausting and terrifying and emotional. But it was also very...I'm struggling for a word here. Exclusive. Special. Once in a lifetime. It was just me and my baby in our own wee timetable. It wasn't easy - my eldest had reflux and I had terrible postnatal anxiety. But even with that, it was still very special.

Mind you, that doesn't mean I'd want to do it over and over again, it definitely is easier to cope with when you know that it's temporary. And many people do find it very difficult and I don't mean to minimise that. All I'm saying is, don't be terrified because you night surprise yourself.

Yes, me. I did not care for other people's children and had never cooed over a baby. I wasn't even sure I wanted children until my age forced a decision.

But my god DD is the most perfect and amazing thing in the world She makes my heart so incredibly full. I've never felt love like it. It's a fierceness I never imagined.

But I'm still not bothered about children who aren't my own.

Not relevant to me as I’m childfree, but there’s often threads here where loads of people say they only like people who share their genes, like, the defining factor in whether or not they like them is if they have their genes. Cannot relate, whatsoever.

Yes, I have 2. I love them fiercely but am ambivalent about other kids, on the whole.

I wasn’t broody at all and if my husband had said he didn’t want children then I wouldn’t have had a problem with it.

Adore both of my children. If I’d started younger I would probably have had more. Not keen on many children other than my own.

Puppies still make my heart melt more than babies do.

Having said that after I had them I realised that I do really like babies, and I am actually very good with them.

Totally with you on this. My lad is 3 months old (growing up in lockdown) and to be honest I am waiting for him to become older so he can interact with me more and actually play rather than just lie there and cry when he wants something. I'm enjoying him more now that he's kind of rolling over and smiling at me etc. He's bloody fantastic and I adore him but my God I want a bit of the old me and my life back too.

I have no interest in other people's babies. I hate baby showers. I didn't have a baby shower myself as I just see them as such a chore that I didn't want to impose that on someone else.

I probably sound miserable. I promise I'm not.

Yes!!! I was totally ambivalent about having children. Met my (now ex) Dh and assumed that we would probably have a child somewhere down the line, but I wasn't fussed. Actually felt weirdly gutted when the test was positive, all the things that I hadn't done when childfree flashed before my eyes, and I spent the majority of my pregnancy probably slightly depressed if I think about it, feigning interest for the sake of other people.

My ds is now 9yo and is just my best friend. I am so in love with him. He is my world and the thought of life without him seems grey and cold. He is my only, I had a mc 2 years after having him, but having him was without a doubt the best thing I have ever done and now I look back on my pregnancy and wish I'd enjoyed it more.

I promise, this will be great. There's nothing better.

I was the same op. I still don't like babies and am useless with them but it's different with your own!

Yes me too. Not broody. No huge desire to be a mum but love my boys and was very maternal when they were born which kind of took me by surprise in the end.

Now, puppies! Puppies I can get broody about! Those little bean feet and a pink puppy belly. Argh 😍😍😍

I could have written this post. Also 8 months, not broody. I like feeling the baby move etc but when I talk to people they are more excited than I am! But it is something I want - a family with DH. It's just neither of us have ever been that into children. But I'm looking forward to a family unit with him. Also in a caring profession. My mum was the same - also in a caring profession, not broody but adored me / my sisters.

Yes me. I was incredibly uncomfortable around babies. If someone gave me one to hold I would visibly tense up and have no clue how to hold them and was just very uncomfortable and not particularly interested in small children.

I was open to the idea of having my own one day and DH was very keen as he loves children and wanted to be a dad. I don’t think I gave it a huge amount of consideration then it sort of dawned on me when I was pregnant that I was actually going to have a baby. My baby...what the hell was I going to do with a baby?!

I remember going to an nct class where some of the women from another group from months before came in with their babies to talk to us and I was watching them in awe of how natural they were with them, how comfortable and competent they seemed and thought I’d never be like that. I just couldn’t get excited at the thought of a baby.

Well once ds1 was here I quickly got very used to looking after him and fell head over heels in love with him and had ds2 18 months later. To me they are the most perfect, fascinating and amazing little people. I never thought I’d feel that about babies or children. I still find other people’s kids tedious as hell though 😂

Yep! I got pregnant by accident. I had JUST come off of the implant and stupidly thought I wouldn't be able to conceive so soon.

Decided to go ahead with DP's support and I can honestly say I love my son more than anything and my life is so much fuller with him in it. I am so happy I made the decision to continue with the pregnancy.

Never was broody. Never wanted children. Ran the other way when there was a baby in the vicinity apart from my sister's kids. Only agreed to try because I thought it wouldn't happen due to my age. I'm now 58 and daughter is 15.
And now I'm the first in line if there is a baby to be held.

I wasn't broody either time. I vaguely wanted children, but I wasn't bothered if it didn't happen. I had absolutely no desire to be a grandmother either, but DD1 changed that for me. It was a shock, I can tell you. I love both my DC and my DGD, but I've never been broody. I make the right noises towards babies, but have no real interest in them.

Yes, I now have 3. We had DD1 and then the other 2 I actually felt broody. I'm still not that keen on other people's kids though.