Were you a non-broody woman who had a baby?

[CoralHair]

I'm 8 months pregnant with my first and feeling a bit of a mixture of nerves and dread about the massive change coming my way next month. Don't get me wrong, this is definitely the right decision and my DH and I know we want to have a family together. But I myself have never been a broody type woman- eg I'm not into babies in general, I don't find them ridiculously cute and I'm not fussed about small children either! I know I'll adore my baby of course. I know genes will kick in and I'll love them - I hope - but I'm still a bit down about it all.

I don't want to say I'm not "maternal" because I'm full of love and I work in a caring profession (caring for adults with special needs), so I feel like that's where my maternal side comes out. I feel like I'll be more comfortable being a mother of older kids perhaps.

I just don't feel excited or gushy about having this baby, or about things like toys, nursery planning, buying baby clothes etc and when people like my MIL are literally jumping up and down clapping hands with excitement i just feel slightly down.

Are there any other "non-broody" / non-baby type women who've had babies and can offer me any positive tales? I keep getting told that when they smile and look at you you'll go all gooey but I'm not feeling excited about any of it!

DH is so excited bless him and I sometimes feel guilty.

Me, l didn’t like kids/babies and would always wonder why the weight was important when people told me about a new birth, l used to think so what.

My closest friend said she was really worried about me because l used to rant and rave about how lm always hot and had no nice clothes. Apparently that isn’t important when your pregnant. Going to antenatal classes really annoyed me, the woman telling Me l don’t breath properly and to relax with her voice that sounded like scratching your nails down a black board. We only went 3 times. Then 4 weeks before my baby was born l started crying at everything relating to my baby, she said she knew l would be fine.

Nearly 8 years later l still have a dislike for most kids that aren’t mine. I have 2.

You will be fine there’s nothing like the love you will have for your children. Good luck.

Yes. DH was pushing for it. I wasn't overly bothered. The love I felt was completely overwhelming. Life pre kids felt a bit meaningless in comparison.

Yup - don't like kids, kiddy stuff, any of it. Love mine no problem but others? No way. You dont have to be excited about the nursery and clothes, you just have to keep them comfortable; they wont even remember their nursery anyway! 8yrs on thats all a distant memory of another age...firmly in the past!

Yep I'm definitely not a broody person and have zero interest in babies / toddlers. With my two I loved them of course and did everything I should with them, and I have two fantastic kids. But as they've got older I feel more connected to them and we all get on so well.

Not being a broody person or overly maternal wasn't a massive issue for me. I also have zero interest in other people's babies and to be honest, I've had to fake interest and do the whole "awww they're so cute" thing, just because I'm not an arsehole and I'm also polite. I find my mates pets more interesting and they know that about me and understand.

Yes I was. I wasn't broody and didn't feel gooey when I saw babies, I was a bit scared of them. But I knew I wanted to have my own and I really wanted to be a mother. I just took a practical view that I was nearly 30 and at a suitable point in my career so we just decided to go for it.

The only thing I did wrong was I didn't bother reading any books or educating myself about childbirth and looking after a new born. I just wanted to learn by instinct and not get bogged down with different people's ideas. It didn't help much I really should have done my research. I think being non broody did help when I first gave birth as I wasn't expecting much so when I first clapped eyes on my hairy, screaming baby I just thought "OK let's do this" with no pre conceived ideas about a perfect baby.

Not broody at all, had a surprise baby in February. It really is different when it’s your own!

I am honest about how difficult it is, though. Like @justaweeone I never had any expectations that it would be an amazing experience, give my life new meaning, etc. I find it quite tricky how all-consuming parenting is (lockdown’s not helping - I had hoped to be back to some hobbies and socialising by now if things were normal) it’s extremely hard work and I miss my pre-baby life a lot. Not sure how well I’ll do when my baby is older, each stage will have its own challenges I think.

Good luck!

DC1 was an accident and I hadn't been remotely broody before. I knew I didn't want an abortion but the concept of a baby felt so abstract. I think it did make bonding harder - that really didn't happen until a few weeks of going through the motions - but it did happen, and motherhood was the making of me. So don't panic if that rush of maternal love isn't immediate - it may take a while to get there, but it will get there.

Yeah me. Unexpected baby, love her to bits, she’s amazing. Don’t care much for other people’s kids, but I think my own child is amazing. First year was really tough, and sometimes I find it relentless and exhausting - but then I am single parenting now! Worth it though.

I was never broody, but when I met exH I knew that I wanted a family with him, not babies in general IYGWIM. I was all prepared to hand them over to him, day care, nanny etc and get on with my career. Once DC1 was born, I was shocked by the strength of my own feelings (birth was difficult and I ended up with a GA). I found it hard to let DH look after her - never mind anyone else. My own mother was very similar, not a baby person at all, she used to say "it's different when it's your own".

MY DC are all adult now, I was never a helicopter parent and not a very touchy feely person in general, I never got excited about baby clothes and stuff - but the love I feel for my children is not something I could have ever thought possible.

Yep! I've had one and still not a baby person! My DS is now 4 and is such fun and can't imagine life without him. But I can't say baby stage was riveting fun and I still don't really find other people's kids cute!

Never been broody, two DDs. Each was a practical decision that it was the right time. I probably wouldn’t have had kids if DH hadn’t wanted them, I love them absolutely but have never regretted not having more.

You’ll be fine - good luck!

Not broody here either - didn’t even want children until my dad got sick when I was late 20s. My favourite part with my kids is learning things together and that is wonderful. I found the loss of freedom hard to adjust to but it has been worth it - I didn’t enjoy the very young child phase but post 3 it was true magic.

This was me last year.
I took a few weeks for me to feel "love" for her after she was born but she is now the best, funniest cutest little thing in the world and I want another. I still am not interested in other people's kids or babies though.

Yes ,I was never massively interested in other people's babies , I love my own two more than the world though , I'm still not someone who coo,s over other people's babies, becoming a mother though did make upset about news stories about bad things happening to children,I wasn't heartless before ,but sad stories affect me much more now I'm a parent

I don't think I was broody. I don't like babies and I find toddlers horribly sticky. DS however is amazing, he's 6 months old and he is the light in my days. I don't think I'll have any more though because pregnancy kicked my arse.

I never wanted children, DH desperately did, we almost split up over it years ago when we first discussed living together. We eventually had 3DC. DH is a very hands on father, we both worked PT when the DC were younger and he changed his job so he could do school drop off etc. Couldn't have had kids with anyone else. I was shattered when pregnant and hated maternity leave, went slightly crazy being stuck at home all the time. But the older the DC get the more I enjoy them.

Not broody, I knew I wanted children with DH. but babies did nothing for me.

When I was pregnant, people I knew would hand me their babies because they thought I'd coo and want to cuddle them as I probably couldn't wait for my own to arrive I would literally sit really awkwardly and hand pretend it was a lovely experience.

love my DC, still don't get mushy over babies though.

Not ever broody, which I think is a repellent term which makes women sound like hens, and not particularly interested in having a child. I was almost 40 when we started ttc, and was fine with the idea of it not happening. I spent my pregnancy commuting internationally, and giving about 99% of my attention to a big project I was running. I thought —and still think — people of either sex who squee over little bootees and do elaborate baby room decorations are mildly mad. I didn’t have the ‘rush of love’. I went back to work early because I hated maternity leave.

None of this makes me any whit less good a parent to my lovely DS, now 8, than the people who desperately wanted a baby since they were five and cooed over prams their entire adult lives.

There’s absolutely no relationship between having an orgasm over a Bugaboo Bee in cherry pink and being a loving parent.

I hate to tell the story generally, but DS was conceived before I would have chosen as XP needed an operation with a high risk of infertility. Neither of us qualified for fertility treatment and I knew I wanted a child, just not at that exact point.
Prior to that I had never even held a baby (I borrowed someone's on the sly a couple months before DS was born just to try it out) and I was extremely ambivalent through pretty much all of my pregnancy.
However when DS was born I fell in love totally and utterly, in a way I never even knew existed. When I met DH we tried to have a DC together but were unsuccessful. While I was disappointed, it was not the all crushing disappointment others describe, possibly based on my general non broodiness.
And I still have to feign interest in other people's babies

Me. I never had any interest in other people's children, and didn't really expect to have any myself. But I was captivated by the sensations feeling DD1 moving when I was pregnant with her, fell in love with her the moment she was born, and loved motherhood so much that I now have three DC! I also genuinely like other people's DC now and find them much more interesting than I used to.

I wasn’t remotely maternal , love our 2 but aside from them I’m really not that bothered , definitely not the wanting to cuddle peoples babies type . Mine are now adult , I doubt either of them will become a parent and that suits me just fine .

I wasn't broody, I didn't really want children and didn't really like other peoples to be honest. I was really unsure when I became pregnant. Now we have two and I couldn't love them more and I also work with children.

Yes, I have two and I love them both to bits but I have never felt broody. I hadn't held a baby before having them. I didn't and don't believe in bonding. I knew I wouldn't fall in love with them straight away, it can take time. All fine, no problems, I love them both more than anything. The important thing is to forget how you should be feeling. Huge congratulations and good luck x

I had DD at 42 and was never ever broody. In fact I always thought I'd never have kids.
My pregnacy was diffucult with complications, I'd never have done it again.
But I loved DD instantly and still feel meh about other people's kids

I wasn't particularly broody. I might have had the occasional broody feeling for a few minutes once in a blue moon but certainly didn't spend my life dreaming of motherhood.

My own children are the only children I've ever known who I have endless patience for. Although I am more fond of children in general since becoming a mother!