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Original poster

My 3 and half year old won’t have a bath

97 replies

Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 13:48

My 3 and a half year old won’t have a bath or wash her hair. She is afraid of getting water on her face. This has been going on for 10 weeks. I am getting depressed and upset over it as she is starting to look so scruffy and unkept looking. I don’t knew what to do.

OP posts:

peppasusie · 23/05/2020 20:40

It's neglect to not wash your child. Regardless whether they hate the bath or not it's not optional they have to wash. So keep her in it until she's clean. Just the same as brushing her teeth. It HAS to be done. Whether you wrap her in a towel to pin her down and do it. She'll get used to it

Maybe run a tiny bath and let her stand in it and you wash her that way and use a jug to rinse the suds off

Pinkflipflop85 · 23/05/2020 20:46

Stop putting dry shampoo on her hair. You will destroy it. Excess use, particularly when it isnt washed out can cause blocked follicles and hair loss.

Waitingfortheothershoe · 23/05/2020 20:46

Hi OP, did you try today?

My youngest was like this. I understand those saying you are the parent, just force her but you have my sympathy. I really struggle to physically force my children to do things. I find it traumatic never mind them.

I bribe when I'm stuck. Also I avoid bedtime and do it when he is less tired.

At 3 I got him to shower himself. Even if it was just for a couple of minutes. Load a sponge up with soap and chat to him. Mostly at first he was just spraying the shower around at the curtain etc. I also got him washing his own hair before he had even started school. He would wet it, then I'd give him a miniscule dot of shampoo to rub in, then he'd rinse. (Health visitor tip). It was barely doing anything to be honest but it got him used to it. His hair doesn't always look great but eventually he let me do it to be quicker.

Its a mix now, him/me. He still shouts to be honest but we laugh about it after now and I say "what was so that about?!"

I hope you crack it. Its tough when there isn't another adult to share the stress.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families

Original poster

Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 20:52

I have been washing her in a basin with soapy water and wiping her down. She is clean, just not her hair. I’m cool with the advise now. I will get her into the bath ASAP.

OP posts:

Original poster

Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 20:55

Thanks a million for the support with this. It’s good to know that I am not alone.

OP posts:

BarbedBloom · 23/05/2020 20:56

I wouldn't force her to be honest. Simply because a friend did this with her daughter and now her daughter hates all water, the school wouldn't even take her for swimming lessons as she was hysterical.

My friend put a shower in which was fine as it is being immersed in water that is the issue. The key thing is working out which bits are the real trigger for her. You could lie her on the side and wash her hair over the sink or wash her in a padding pool in the garden. Or worse case just give her a strip wash at the sink until you figure out next steps

OhMsBeliever · 23/05/2020 21:21

My youngest was terrified of baths when he was younger. I didn't stop bathing him but cut it down so he didn't have one that often. And it would be very quick when he did - I got quite skilled at dunking him in, washing and rinsing his hair and getting him out again while he screamed.

It wasn't nice, but it had to be done.

Thankfully he suddenly got over his fear and acted liked he'd always loved baths! Kids!

I hope your DD does the same eventually. Good luck!

EdwinaMay · 23/05/2020 21:26

I would try the lying on the kitchen units with head back in sink or basin. It doesn't have to be the best hairwash ever. Just make a start.
I used to bath mine in the sink as small babies. Maybe that idea might convince her to try it.
Come the summer and paddling pools and hose in the garden or trip to the seaside and she should lose her fear.

SheldonSaysSo1 · 23/05/2020 21:30

I'd go with one of two methods, either bribery or if that doesn't work just putting her in there. Try bribery first in the form of some new fun bath toys (to be played with only in the bath) such as bath crayons, bath fizzes etc. You could also introduce a bath time YouTube video to be watched in the bath from a distance? Only if she gets in nicely though. Otherwise I'd take the firm line for a while and put her in with minimal fuss from you. Give her the choice to get in or you will put her in anyway, then do so without commenting on it. Make it a quick dip and wash, bringing her straight out after.

Menaimum · 23/05/2020 22:34

Hope it all went well tonight. Just wanted to add that my DD was open to persuasion at that age with some "just like mummy" stuff. When you go for a shower or bath say loudly and happily " I'M really looking forward to being clean" "ooh I'M going to wash MY hair tonight...it's going to feel so nice" "what a treat for ME to have a lovely bath" really go to town with it and she'd fall for it after a few days. And at that age I'd get in with her to play. I wish I was so successful with prescription antibiotics at that age - your bath struggle made me think of that. We all have our trials- you're doing your best!

Waitingfortheothershoe · 23/05/2020 22:37

prescription antibiotics
haribo Tangfastic!

Voice0fReason · 23/05/2020 23:10

Please don't use force. It's really not necessary.

Lie her on her back on the kitchen worktop with her head over the sink. Easy to wash and rinse without risk of anything getting on her face. Use a cup to rinse.
If there's no room in the kitchen, put a towel in the bottom of an empty bath and get her to lie on her back on the towel. It's harder to wash properly in that position but it can be done.

nasalspray · 24/05/2020 09:17

Her hair must be utterly disgusting. Matted with oil and dry shampoo

I know it can be challenging but I'm struggling to understand why it has gone on for 10 weeks and even after all that time you have asked for advice on what to do. You wash her, any way you can. You don't really need to leave her for weeks and then ask on Mumsnet to be told you either talk/bribe her into it or force her. And stop putting shit in her hair

maddiemookins16mum · 24/05/2020 09:58

Warm paddling pool in the garden. I used to do this when DD went through this. I also used to sponge her (albeit short/fine) hair.
Luckily it was summer and we managed it about three times a week.
She had slipped in the bath (she stood up really quickly and I was having a wee) and it scared her badly.
She then used to just get in the shower with me.

sniffysnifferson · 24/05/2020 10:22

Try goggles and a swim cap just get her used to going in the bath again with no hair washing, then see if you can progress from there or try something random like letting her go in the bath with her socks on. It worked for my lo a few weeks back when lo wouldn't go in the bath because of a bumped knee, wearing the socks in the bath was a distraction because lo thought it was hilarious

Rentacar · 24/05/2020 10:38

A friend's child had this problem. It was a sensory issue. Showers were painful and bath's felt enclosing and the water was unpredictable.

My DD has sensory issues and it is a battle to get her in the bath. I'm lucky if I can persuade her once a week! It's not naughtiness, she has severe sensory issues and is autistic.

Ignore the posters telling you to force her. It will traumatise her if she is that reluctant. I bought some stuff from Amazon for my DD for bed bathing adults. It's like foaming soap that you don't have to wash off. You can get shampoo too.

This is not your fault. Trust your instincts as a mother and follow your DDs lead. Does she have any other sensory issues?

Rentacar · 24/05/2020 10:39

I was also going to suggest paddling pool in the garden. Or just for fun a washing up bowl with water toys outside to get her used to water being fun.

Rentacar · 24/05/2020 10:40

My friend followed her DDs lead and, two years on, she is bathing without a fuss. Her DD was a similar age to yours.

wishihadagoodone · 24/05/2020 10:57

Hi OP,

You are not alone. DD went through the same thing from about 2.5-3.5 years. She is very wilful. We were like you and didn't want to force her and traumatise her. Just overnight, she hated the bath and refused to get in. She was like a wild animal trying to claw her way out, it was so upsetting.

We had to wash her down with wet flannels in her bedroom on a towel and her hair was a no go area.

Eventually she allowed us to stand her into the dry bath. Then we filled her old baby bath and put that into the bath beside her. She played with her toys while we managed to wash to her a bit better.

For a while, she would jump into the shower beside me which was great because I was able to wash her hair although she wasn't happy about it.

We started with a tiny bit of water in the bottom of the bath and gradually increased the amount.
She loves the bath now although still isn't keen on getting her hair washed but we power on through now with plenty of praise and promise of treats for afterwards.
She's 4.5 years now!

awaynboilyurheid · 24/05/2020 11:00

I remember my daughter went through this phase, we read the book,
I don’t want to have a bath and encouraged her to giggle at the silliness of it! Then we bathed her dolls a lot! started with a tub then more dolls added , so then I said , I think we need to get in the bath now to wash them all! Like a previous poster said I did it in steps, in these more modern times could you have a zoom swimming pool party Swimming costumes toys in bath, bubbles etc etc with her cousins At this age they love to think they are a “big girl” like the cool four year old haha so might copy them ? And for you repeat it’s just a phase over and over The years fly by and soon you will be knocking on the bathroom door shouting hurry up!

jaggynettle · 24/05/2020 11:19

I second what @DinosApple suggests. My DD went through a similar stage after getting shampoo in her eyes when she was little.

We just put a small amount of water in the bath and encouraged her to play "mermaids" Then progressed to playing "babies" where I pretended she was a baby and washed her hair like when she was a tot, but with a flannel over her eyes.

In the meantime before you get to that stage just give her a strip wash at the sink - try and get some shower gel (like the Unicorn or Mermaid imperial leather) or that foamy bath soap and tell her "that's for baths" - might be an incentive.

Good luck

BlackeyedSusan · 24/05/2020 12:42

I would go with over the kitchen sink hair wash. That way she is not traumatized by the bath. Do it gently, but firmly.

Washing hair lying down in the bath works fairly well when she improves a little.

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