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Original poster

My 3 and half year old won’t have a bath

97 replies

Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 13:48

My 3 and a half year old won’t have a bath or wash her hair. She is afraid of getting water on her face. This has been going on for 10 weeks. I am getting depressed and upset over it as she is starting to look so scruffy and unkept looking. I don’t knew what to do.

OP posts:
whitesoxx · 23/05/2020 14:55

"Her hair is getting matted now."

Hoping for her to "see sense" whilst her hair gets matted and she is left dirty is neglect.

Children don't see sense, that's why their parents do it for them. She won't be traumatised even if you have to force her in

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2020 15:09

You have my sympathy- my DD went through a phase of being bath-phobic. And she has thick, wavy/curly hair which was a pain to comb anyway. We muddled through with a combination of flanneling, one of us holding her while the other attempted to wash her hair without it getting on her face, visor. Broad comb or 'tangle teaser' for the hair (it took me quite a while to realise her hair is quite different to mine and brushing didn't suit it). Sponge food out of the hair immediate after eating and obviously tie it back - it didn't occur to me at the time but a buff at mealtimes might have helped.

This too shall pass. It gradually got better, and against all expectation she eventually became a watersports enthusiast.Grin

getsomehelp · 23/05/2020 15:10

I think you are just going to have to force her.
Tell her earlier, you have to have a hair wash, so how would you prefer, (sink, dunking, bath, shower.... ) It has to be done, It won't take long, it doesn't hurt, you can cover your eyes with a flannel, so no shampoo gets in. You can sit & play, make bubbles etc... You can do it any way you want, but it IS happening
If she has long hair, I would also tell her it needs cutting if its going to be a constant problem.

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Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 15:10

I know what you are saying and yes I agree. I have to be the parent and force her to have a bath or a shower. I’m afraid of making or fear worse but maybe I have exasperated the problem myself. I will force her tonight. I needed to talk about it.

OP posts:
SFCA · 23/05/2020 15:13

Maybe try water play like a paddling pool first?

In the meantime try a really good spray in conditioner and comb through to get the matts out. If LO has Afro hair (you mentioned oil) they do coconut or olive oil ones which are great

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2020 15:17

If she has long hair, I would also tell her it needs cutting if its going to be a constant problem.

There's always that option, or at least cut out the worst tangoes - it will grow again. Quite a lot of kids from about this age take it into their heads to trim their own hair in hilarious ways anyway, and at the moment some adults have slightly odd haircuts!

bookmum08 · 23/05/2020 15:17

Earlybird74 just to let you know you are not alone here. I know loads of children who hate their hair being washed/brushed and are mega screamers about it - my daughter and nieces are among them. I have had to cut a few dread locks out of my daughter's hair many a time - she has completely straight hair !

ErrolTheDragon · 23/05/2020 15:17

Tangoes? Tangles.

Fairybatman · 23/05/2020 15:21

How I would approach this... fill the bath with warm water and bubbles just a few inches deep and put some toys in. Get her clothes off somewhere else so that she doesn't know what is coming. pick her up, take her to the bathroom and plonk her in.

Don't let her get out, just play with the toys yourself and try and engage her. Try and be matter of fact.

Don't force the hair washing, or any washing really just let her play in the bath for a few minutes get her out and dry her.

Do that every day for a few days and then build up to washing her hair. Maybe try getting her to lay back so that the water doesn't splash her face.

You absolutely need to take control of the situation, being clean isn't optional.

As an aside I think what @masonmasonwas probably commenting on was the combination of oil and dry shampoo. Surely using both together is going to make a sticky paste in her hair and make brushing her hair really hard.

TwistyHair · 23/05/2020 15:52

I’m not sure that forcing her will help. It’ll just make her scream. Sticker chart? Ice cream after bath? No tv until she’s had a bath?

SudokuBook · 23/05/2020 15:55

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MissMarks · 23/05/2020 16:02

Get a bath bomb, try and entice her in and if no luck you are just going to have to buck her in- she will no doubt scream her head off but once realised she is fine will be ok. Have you got someone who can help you?

MissMarks · 23/05/2020 16:04

Should say my eight year old still screams the place down getting her hair washed. Just have a towel close to hand so so can dry her face and we get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

Blueemeraldagain · 23/05/2020 16:06

I do have memories of my parents rolling my little brother up in a towel and my dad holding him over the sink while my mum washed his hair and sang to him.

If her hair is really that bad could you resort to bribery?

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 16:29

This came by courier today. Fingers crossed it works but in any case I have read all your comments and tips and I will work on it until I get her to enjoy the bath experience again.

My 3 and half year old won’t have a bath
OP posts:
Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 16:30

I am a single mum raising my daughter so I guess I don’t have that back up that is required in these situations. It will all work out.

OP posts:
SephrinaX · 23/05/2020 16:39

Don't really have anything else to add re the hair-washing. But my son went through a phase of hating getting into the bath.
The way I did it was to put him in without any water in and various bath toys. He wasn't scared of the tap so I switched it on (I suppose this only works if you have a mixer tap) and he was just playing and washing his hands and stuff. Put the plug in and he was too distracted to notice the bath gradually filling up.

DinosApple · 23/05/2020 17:44

DC2 didn't have her hair washed for months aged 3 after getting shampoo in her eye.

She too is very stubborn and it literally sounded like murder each time I tried. I forced her initially, then couldn't face the battle. It was traumatic for her and we were both getting cross with each other. She was ok getting in though. Eventually she came round with a combination of the below.

Get in the bath with her.
Try the colour bath drops
Kids watering can so that water is definitely poured no where near her face.
Bath just a couple of inches deep and get her to lie down and listen to how different voices sound under water.
If she lies down get her to swish her hair like a mermaid, and discretely get the shampoo in.
Asking her to shampoo your hair - or show her how well she can shampoo her own.

Squirty things didn't work as she was worried about getting it in her eye.

Good luck!

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 23/05/2020 17:51

The whole street knew when it was bath night for Dd she screamed so much getting in the bath. Once she was in she was sort of ok but hair washing was a nightmare for several months despite the fact she loved going underwater at the swimming pool.
Now as a teenager we have to queue outside the bathroom as she's in the shower every day for ages Grin

EatsShootsAndRuns · 23/05/2020 18:12

I have been brushing it with oil and putting dry shampoo in it but the more time has gone on the more sticky her hair is getting and the harder it is to brush

Well as you're creating glue in her hair it's not surprising! Hmm

Hippofrog · 23/05/2020 18:16

Will she go in the bath with you?

laffer · 23/05/2020 19:10

*Shower her? Take the head off and wash her body to start with.
*
I read this as take her head off and wash her body. Like a barbie doll. What actually worked for my DD was telling her the barbies needed a bath and bathing them. She eventually wanted in with them after the first couple of times.

Good luck.

Blingismything · 23/05/2020 19:20

Cut her hair short whilst she is battling this.

Singinginshower · 23/05/2020 20:19

OP I would separate the bath and hair washing to start, so that she can start to enjoy and just play in the bath most days.
I used to use a spray leave in conditioner on DD ( by AussieI think ) so I could avoid the matted hair problem generally. Also, her hair was quite short, so I could use a sponge to wet her hair which helped make sure water didn't go on her face, rather than pouring water over her head or showering.

OwlPop · 23/05/2020 20:30

What are you doing?!!

Forget all these games etc. Run a bath. Plonk her in. Wash her all over and do hair and then hoick her out. It doesn't cause trauma. If you have a husband or partner there then rope him in too. Just manhandle her in there (gently but firmly for those who think I mean roughly)

I wouldn't withdraw privileges because that makes no sense. I wouldn't be using dry shampoo on a child. I would be telling her it's one of life's unfortunate non negotiables that we have to be fresh and clean and she either gets in herself and holds a flannel over her face or whatever or she'll be put in and washed

Just assert yourself as credible leader here... if you let a 3 year old run the show over this then you've got no hope for the big stuff. And no- she won't have PTSD afterwards

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