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Original poster

My 3 and half year old won’t have a bath

97 replies

Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 13:48

My 3 and a half year old won’t have a bath or wash her hair. She is afraid of getting water on her face. This has been going on for 10 weeks. I am getting depressed and upset over it as she is starting to look so scruffy and unkept looking. I don’t knew what to do.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 23/05/2020 14:09

Do you have a paddling pool? Can you put some warm water and bubbles in it outside? Would she get in that?

itshappened · 23/05/2020 14:12

With my toddler she has never liked water very much, from her very first bath! She started screaming and refusing a bath entirely a few months ago. I just put her in the bath anyway and gave her as quick a wash as possible. I said there was no exception, she had to have a bath every night and put up with the horrendous screaming. Then one day she just took her clothes off, climbed in and started playing. No more tears or screaming! Toddlers love a battle, particularly mine, but you can't let them win. It's not easy but my advice would be to stick with the routine and don't let her dictate the rules no matter how much she protests.

Beamur · 23/05/2020 14:13

Make it fun. Does she like let's pretend/role play games? Could she bath a dolly and you talk to her about she can keep the water from splashing dolly's eyes and thus, suggest you could do the same when she has a bath next.
My DD (and her Dad funnily enough) dislike the sensation of water on their skin and find showers/baths quite unpleasant. When smaller DD would be distracted by toys enough but hated having her hair washed. So I only washed it when it really needed it and she would hold a face flannel over her face and complain bitterly!
Could you have a fixed bath night? Say every 2nd night and hairwash less often? With a nice routine you follow with some treat of some kind afterwards? Like watching an episode (short) of a favourite cartoon if she is good and makes less fuss..

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DennisTMenace · 23/05/2020 14:14

I use squirty bath toys to get hair wet around the face as not much comes out at once and is easy to have a flannel at the ready to wipe forehead when it gets wet. At 3.5 she should understand tip your head back so the water doesn't run forward to her face. You can show with a cup and a doll first if it helps. Don't try to wash her hair every bath of that is the panic trigger.

masonmason · 23/05/2020 14:15

She is starting to look scruffy and unkempt? Why? Have you not washed her at all?

Matted hair? Have you not brushed it?

bookmum08 · 23/05/2020 14:15

If it's more about the hair would she play hairdressers ? You could wash your hair, dolls hair etc and she gets to help comb your hair, put silly clips in etc. Then 'her turn'.

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:15

Yes. I was going to do that today and I had all the towels on the floor just incase she jumped out but I couldn’t in the end. I have dry shampoo for now. Hopefully she will see sense soon.

OP posts:
missyB1 · 23/05/2020 14:16

Sometimes you just have to be firm, tantrum or no tantrum that hair has to be washed. I remember physically forcing my ds age 3 to have a shower he screamed the house down but he survived - and has absolutely no memory of it now! She won’t be traumatised, after a couple of hair washes she will forget all about the issue.

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:16

I have been brushing it with oil and putting dry shampoo in it but the more time has gone on the more sticky her hair is getting and the harder it is to brush. She is not a clean eater!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:18

Ok. I will have to just do it what ever the response from her. I am been afraid to force her but I will do it. I know I have to be the parent and make her do what will ultimately help both of us.

OP posts:
masonmason · 23/05/2020 14:19

I have been brushing it with oil and putting dry shampoo in it but the more time has gone on the more sticky her hair is getting and the harder it is to brush.

What on earth?

Ahwig · 23/05/2020 14:20

When I was 18 months I fell down the stairs and cut my head open badly after that I screamed if anything went near my head ( suspect I was thinking they were going to stitch my head up again) although I was ok with a bath just not a hair wash. anyway my mother was not having me going around with dirty hair so because I was still small she put me on the draining board and my hair dangled in the sink . I think laying on the draining board was quite daring and not something I would ever be allowed to do normally so it worked. Obviously I grew out of that or I would need the longest draining board in the world now!!

sm40 · 23/05/2020 14:25

My daughter refused to get in the bath. I think
We showered her. It turns out when she could find the words to explain why, she was afraid of the bath flooding!! Once we discussed and talked through the whole fillling the bath etc she was fine! Maybe she has an irrational fear?

PorpentiaScamander · 23/05/2020 14:27

I agree with @missyB1 when my DC were that age they could either tip their head back and have a nice hair wash. Or force was used and they would end up with soap/water in their face. They only had to be forced once or twice.
And there has been no lasting damage. They are now teens who wash as often as any teenage boys wash

Boringnamechanging · 23/05/2020 14:29

Do you have a washing up bowl/large plastic mixing bowl? Fill up with warm water and put outside and let her play, if you can get some plastic cups/teapot to pour with all the better.

Next time add bubbles. Make it fun.

Then maybe put inside the bath and let her play.

Then give her a bath and don't let it go so long next time.

missyB1 · 23/05/2020 14:32

I have a friend whose toddler refused to have his teeth brushed, my friend gave into him because she hated his screaming and didn’t want to upset him. He didn’t have his teeth brushed properly for months. Needless to say he developed terrible problems with his teeth.
Sometimes we have to put our foot down and do what is in the child’s best interest.

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:32

Do you have any good suggestions instead of criticism?

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 23/05/2020 14:34

I think that you just have to persevere with this. Most Mum's usually have little ways,and tricks so to speak, to improve this situation. Bath time can be fun for a child, if you make it into a bit of a game,and don't get stressed about things.

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:35

The above is to masonmason. I have been trying to brush her hair with hair oil and it loosens the hair. My 3 year old girl puts her hands in her hair, she gets all sorts in her hair. I am trying to minimise the dirty hair look but I just need to be firm and take control. If you are shocked masonmason, then maybe you should leave this thread.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 23/05/2020 14:37

get a washing up bowl. Put a towel on the floor, stand the bowl of warm water on the floor and stand DD in it. You can wash/rinse her down with a face cloth, absolutely no risk of water splashing on her face. I often washed our kids that way whenever our rural water supply packed in and on caravan holidays.

Just wipe the damp not dripping cloth over her hair.

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:38

Yes sure I bought bath toys and bubble makers and toys and all sorts and been allowed her to bring her other toys into the bath. We used to play together in the bath after my shower but that was a while ago now. Anyway. I will keep working on it

OP posts:
SmallChickBilly · 23/05/2020 14:39

My son was the same. I used flannels to walk out for a while, but as it got longer I started to build up to a hairdresser- style wash with the shower head really low and closer to his head so I had a lot of control and a flannel for him to use if he needed to wipe his face. It took a lot of persistence and persuasion and discussion, but we got there! Good luck!

Original poster
Earlybird74 · 23/05/2020 14:39

Thanks for all your tips and ideas. It was worth putting it out there.

OP posts:
toastedcrumpetsforme · 23/05/2020 14:42

Gradual steps over the next few days...

  • playing in the bath fully clothed, no water
  • playing in the bath, no clothes, no water
  • playing in the bath with a bowl of water so she can wash dolls / pour etc but not be sat in the water
  • playing in the bath with a tiny bit of water
  • playing in the bath with a little bit more water
  • playing in the bath with a normal amount of water - but no attempt at hair washing
  • playing in the bath with a normal amount of water, lots of tipping / pouring games, little bit of water on her head but not a full wash
  • as before but wetter head
  • as before but a little bit of 2in1 shampoo & conditioner

Try to make it fun, take the focus away from the thing that is scaring her and just make tiny steps each day. Give lots of praise and stay patient.

Cosyblanky · 23/05/2020 14:51

Think you've got yourself in a bit of a tangle. Personally I would have forced mine if I had to. Not pleasant but necessary and once is usually enough. I know you have your own reasons for how you've managed this, the posters who are critical of hair oil, did you not think the child may have afro hair?