Your worst ever colleague

[CrimsonCattery]

Just a bit of fun. All my current colleagues rate from amazing to only mildly irritating but in the past have worked with some right wankers.

The worst one was a couple of years ago. Civil service open plan office. Friendly team. One man was the same grade as me and started at a similar time never spoke to me which was fine if a little odd as we were all learning the work. We had the same mentor who was a lovely older woman eho had been doing our job for years. Our boss was also female.

Mentor told me he was completely blanking her and would only go to the men in our team for advice. He refused to take any direction from women and would default to our boss' male counterpart. We hotseated and he started kicking off if asked to sit next to someone of a lower grade (we were still relatively junior) which was bizarre as no one else cared about seniority like that. The men in our team also hated him and he narrowly escaped being hit at one Xmas social after a disgusting comment he made about the women in the team (they refused to share what he said). His work was also crap and he got fired for a combination of that and his terrible attitude.

We later found out from Google he had been fired from his previous job where he should have been helping people because he was unfairly finding against people he disapproved of. It was in the news as he lost an employment tribunal after he sued them.

Have also worked with milk thieves, phantom shitters and other oddballs. Its very dull where I am now in comparison!

6 cliquey bastards at mine. Laughable when I was told on arrival at the company I wasn’t there to make friends.

I’m deliberately excluded from stuff every day. Conversations, work updates, lunch. I come in and say good morning and I’m blanked.

I hold my head up and crack on with my job, but bloody hell it’s hard going sometimes.

@StopChelping you are being bullied. The exact same thing happened to me at a previous workplace. Is there anyone you can talk to?
I was excluded in the same way. It was soul destroying and I eventually left. The business folded too because they couldn't recruit and keep staff with the coven of witches dominating everything. Just wanted to say I know how it feels, don't let yourself be bullied out as I was.

When I was 15 I did work experience in my mum's surgery (she's a GP). I was to just help around a bit, filing making tea etc. The receptionist couldn't believe how much I looked like my mum and told everyone that came in; 'We've Nuala's daughter here, look at her, she's the image. Ethel come out here now let Mrs O'Donell look at you... isn't she? Terrible skin mind, but it'll clear up. Wouldn't you think Nuala spat her out? She's like a clone!.' About three times a day, every day, for two weeks, and there I stood; spotty, greasy haired, lanky and so self conscious I wanted to evaporate. I told mum about ten years later and we laughed about it, but at the time I dreamed of beating her to death with a box file.

The worst colleague I've had as an adult is a 'baby bore', I feel a bit bad saying this because she's a really nice woman but I once endured her showing me about 200 photos on her phone of her 8 month old daughter and it took up my whole lunch break. Unfortunately that wasn't a one-off, but probably the most extreme. I'm a bit more assertive now!

Also in a civil service open plan office, one ex colleague had horrendous B.O that would be so strong you could smell it walking down the corridor towards the open plan. She used to sit near me and it would literally sting my nostrils. I’m assuming it some kind of condition as my boss spoke to her about it and she said she couldn’t help it. So it was awful and unbearable in the summer but I felt very sorry for her. She left to go work somewhere else and I’ve often wondered what her new colleagues made of it.

Another was a guy who was moved to our office from another civil service building, it soon became clear why. He was absolutely useless. It’s very hard to get sacked in the civil service so I’m guessing his old boss couldn’t deal with him anymore and it was decided he would move departments. He couldn’t do anything, got everything wrong. There was not a job you could trust him to do. He was also quite an unkept person and his breathe stank of stale coffee and if you made the mistake of catching his eye, he would start talking to you and he would not stop for at least an hour. Like you couldn’t get away. It was horrendous.

And I saved the best to last. There was a lady who was in a scientific role, so extremely intelligent but completely lacking in social skills. I once walked past her desk and she had a snot trail literally hanging from her nose (like 20cm in length!) and she was moving her head around as to make the snot trail move in a circular motion. I could not believe my eyes. We also had a poo troll at my work who would smear the cubicles in poo and I always thought this lady was the likely culprit.

We had so many unbelievable characters in my building that my mum often told me I should write a book about them

My old boss was a vile man, small company (abroad) He was a big fat guy but fancied himself as an Adonis and became involved with a female employee who was quite fragile. Long story short, she tried to end the relationship but he wouldn't accept it. He completely lost the plot and had an instant breakdown; I turned up at the office one morning to find it smashed up and him lying face down in a pool of his own vomit There was blood, glass and sick everywhere.

@Whatsthishappyhorseshit

Thank you for your kind and supportive words, it’s weird isn’t it? If you were to say the individual bits and bobs it sounds like nothing, but cumulatively it eats a little bit more of you every day.

I’m so determined to ride it out, but some days I go home exhausted with the stress of keeping a face on.

A colleague in another department that was petty and controlling and utterly miserable.

The staff weren't allowed to rip off the used stamps on the incoming mail (less than ten per day) - has to do them in their lunch break.

Most of the staff were made redundant as their work was outsourced. In the winding down period 2 staff asked to use their flexi time to take the afternoon off as they had nothing to do- she refused "in case we receive some post this afternoon" - hours work at most IF some came in.

A different 2 actually took retirement after decades of service at this point. On their last day they had no computers, no work etc. She made them sit at their desks all day for their 7hours 12minutes.

No other way of describing her other than a complete bitch.

I can't think of one. In my 32 years of my work I've had colleagues I liked more than others obviously but I can't think of one who made going to work miserable. I had a boss who had a reputation as a bully once, but I stood up to him very early on and he never gave me any trouble.

OK I thought I'd met some hideous gits in my time but some of you just win! Horrors!

I once worked with the most brilliant team, but there was one person we all felt weird about. We always said he was probably secretly a murderer, the kind of person the neighbours would proclaim was so lovely and quiet.

He was very pompous and arrogant, and would never admit to making a mistake. He’d correct things he’d written on the screen in front of you, claiming that it had said that all along, or appear with an email he’d just composed that he’d say he’d sent weeks ago when clients would chase replies. He’d stretch out work that he should have been able to easily to complete to avoid more difficult tasks. He also said he didn’t smoke, despite us all witnessing him smoking (including in the company vehicle). We checked his computer history one day when he was out, and found that not only was he searching information about massacres and how to obtain a gun, his eBay account was logged in and he’d sold thousands of pounds of stock he’d stolen from work.

When he was dismissed my colleagues and I genuinely did worry that he might come back and get revenge, but no, he contacted us and asked for a reference.

I worked with a man who used to pee in a 2ltr bottle and store it in his desk drawer.

I worked with a woman who would share the ins and outs of her clearly unwell/unstable daughters personal life, in such a way that no mother should talk about their child. As though she was happy she was struggling.

I worked with a woman who within 5 minutes of meeting her told me that her husband refused to have sex with her. I was 19 and very unprepared for that kind of conversation

@purrswhileheeats did he leave after that? Can't imagine brazening that out.

@StopChelping that sounds soul destroying. Such unnecessary behaviour. I hope you are able to find something better once the job market picks up. Work is such a large part of our life and I couldn't be doing with that. I quit the job with the rude boss as the atmosphere was making me miserable (he was only about 5% of the problem as he was usually pretty good).

The one who used to wank either on the desk or in the desk drawer of women he fancied. It took three loads of jizz before he was sacked.

@MrsSchadenfreude 🤢

I was cabin crew and worked with some absolutely awful cabin managers

God yes Lily E, I did this job for 6 months in my 20's Dan Air, biggest bunch of vacuous bitches ever. Clearly there to find a rich husband, too much makeup, wigs, nails.
They looked and were ridiculous. Stupid Dolly Parton wig manager used to call me a lame duck because I was better looking than her and she thought I'd pull the captain (no thanks - yuck) before she did.
Left after 6 months in disgust and went back to nursing.

I worked with a woman who was an alcoholic. She would come in every morning late and either hungover or still drunk. On top of that she was a complete bully who expected everyone else to run around after her.

I didn't and when I got a new job and handed in my notice they asked me why I was leaving. I was very straight with them and said that I can't work with that alcoholic bully anymore. I heard from a friend that about 6 weeks after I had left that HR had advised her to go to al anon and for counselling.

Warning: Not Fun

1st year teaching at a certain school.
Co-teacher talked about her husband (infantilizing nickname=I/N, like "Dada," but more annoying) a lot.

I/N had ADHD and preferred his DW manage it, rather than himself.
Had been trying to get his degree for nine years on her parents' dime. Could not hold down a job, grocery shop, pick up his own meds, be trusted to drive anywhere (b/c he would get lost), look after the kids for more than 30 minutes, etc. At first, this was all talk and did not seem to affect her. She actually seemed to think it was cute.

One day, she was late. Opened the door for kids and parents. I get a phone call during the check-in. Cue wailing. She's in the bathtub having a panic attack. I hand off the phone to my manager. Manager took call. Does not seem surprised. Should have known there and then.

Attendance became incredibly spotty. She smelled like she had not bathed and left early all the time. One day, she showed up and then went straight into the supply closet, weeping. Then got the ok to go home. Took time off, but failed to inform manager or me that was what she was doing.

All the work fell to me. Two parents complained that I am not super-smiley anymore and seem distracted. I just bit my lip and cried when I got home.

Turns out she was drinking heavily. So she quit drinking and started showing up.After a few weeks, it was clear she had fallen in the habit of leaving planning/grading/prep all up to me.

Divided up the work, typed it up and taped the list to the cabinet. Refused to do anything that was not my responsibility. There was some P/A push back, but I played deaf.

The next year was better, but a lot of class time was still taken up with phone calls to drs., insurance companies, financial institutions. All stuff I/N could have handled.

Left after that year.

The woman who told me two other colleagues had made complaints over me missing two meetings to plan and attend my mother’s funeral on the grounds that they were having to work harder to make up for me not pulling my weight, and “politely” suggested I leave my position, graciously promising me it would still be there when I chose to return.

All a packet of lies.

I found out later that she’d told the others some cock and bull story about me phoning her (never even had her phone number) to ask if we could get coffee together (don’t drink coffee) and that during this entirely fictitious coffee meeting I’d “burst into tears” and told her that I was miserable there (I loved everything about the job except her) because I thought “everyone hated me” (was mates with everyone except her) and that I planned to quit soon.

It was obviously part of some inept master plan to manipulate me into quitting. Except it didn’t work because she had such a rep for being a pathological liar and manipulator that no one ever believed a word she said.

The one who was very friendly with me then one say suddenly claimed I had "dobbed her in" to the boss about something (still haven't figured that one out). It culminated in a screaming match and both of us getting disciplined.

Not my finest hour but it was a very toxic environment to work in from the get go and the first and last office job I will ever do.

BOAK at the swinging snot in xxKatie9806xx 's office...

Hmm there’s been a few!
I had an assistant who used to turn up late every Monday morning after a heavy weekend. Not just 10 minutes late which I can deal with, but 2/3 hours. He’d always have an excuse... ‘my flatmate locked himself out’ or ‘my mate had to go to hospital’ there was always some far fetch story. He’d be all over the place, bleary eyed and useless all day. He wasn’t much better the rest of the week either!
The turning point was when he started having a nosebleed all over his keyboard..from all the mountains of coke he snorted at the weekend.

Another guy I worked with seemed like a great guy initially but after about 2 weeks, he became the whiniest, complaining, moody drama queen - he didn’t like that he had to start from the bottom ( like we have all had to) and would get really moody if anyone asked him to get a sample or raise orders - basically anything which was in his job description as an assistant. He would just sit there with his headphones on ignoring everyone. He eventually left after about 5 months, omg, he was so draining. I felt like my whole day was spent asking him if he was ok, does he need help etc. He just wanted everything handed to him on a plate.

I think this is a common one we’ve all experienced but I’ve worked with a fair few people who were not actually very good at their job but always managed to get promoted because they basically brown nosed the boss and said yes to everything, even if it was a crap idea.

Mine would be the woman who refused point blank to speak to me for the entire length of my pregnancy and went beserk when the boss wouldn't put us on opposite shifts as she didn't want to see me. She also put in several complaints to the boss when I accidentally came within her line of vision!
She told everyone that I was a nasty piece of work for getting pregnant when I knew that she had been trying to convieve for years. I didn't know she had been ttc (she had an on again off again boyfriend who wouldn't move in with her and an 18 year old daughter) and even if I had I had obviously missed the rule that she is the only woman in the world allowed to get pregnant!

We had a temp PA in my old team who was bonkers. She used to email everyone in the team except for one person and tell them to all wear the same colour to work the next day.

One summer holiday I got a temp job at a company while the woman I was covering for had an operation. She told me it was a doss and spent most of the time writing fan fiction for a TV programme she loved. (While I was there, I ended up typing up an awful lot of gold minutes for the bloke I worked for). My dad worked for the same company and told me that, after I'd left, another temp discovered the "fan fiction" on the computer. Turned out to be pornographic fan fiction.

Yes, one who couldn't stand me being the boss. Sweetness itself at interview, but went on to ruin a lovely job and team, destroyed my confidence and made me ill with constant undermining and mind games. Cleared the entire dept out in the space of two years and was left like Smaug, steaming away all alone on top of a mound of jewels. What was really galling is that my boss completely ducked responsibility for dealing with what was a really toxic situation. When I finally left, he said, 'how did you manage to put up with it?' I didn't and there was zero help from you, mate.