When you are annoyed with a stranger do you say something out loud so they can hear it?
I think I have occasionally done this (about dog poo dumpers) but I’m thinking of stopping because when people do it to me it’s really quite unnerving. I think that the effect it has on me is much greater than they intend. So I’m starting to wonder if it’s worse than actual direct confrontation.
The first time it happened to me was at an airport. I was getting some food and drink before the flight. A woman who was there with her family thought that I had gone ahead of her (I was oblivious so I may or may not have been guilty of it). The first I realised was her saying in a stage whisper to her really quite small child “don’t worry Tom, karma will come round to her”. It was actually quite frightening like being cursed. If she had said “excuse me I think we were ahead of you“ I would’ve immediately apologised. As it was I just froze.
The second occasion was yesterday out in the countryside. I was very near my house and we are all getting used to weaving paths around each other to try and keep some kind of distance. My own house has a back gate on a narrow path. I was about 4 m away from my own gate and somebody was coming towards me in the opposite direction. She walked a couple of steps out into the bracken andI passed her. Then she did that loud ostentatious primary school teacher talking to a child in reception who has much to learn voice ‘You’re welcome” thing. I have been lost in thoughts about my upcoming biopsy and I’m so used to stepping along and around the path..... I don’t need to expect people to thank me for this normal behaviour.She hadn’t been inconvenienced at all. My first thought was that she wouldn’t of said this to a man. The second thought was that if she didn’t want to step aside she could just stay on the path and I would step out. My next thought was that it didn’t seem worth the price of a sudden confrontation with a stranger just to force them to acknowledge the three steps you’ve taken to go round.
My mother-in-law has the opposite approach. We’ve often been mortified when out with her in public because she will challenge anyone who she thinks is going in front of her. However now I think about it maybe she has the right approach. Because when she does this people know she has a problem with something that she wants them to change. And it’s in their power to change it. Where is if you just talk about people behind their back ( literally) it’s like you’re making a comment that they’re the sort of person that wouldn’t respond if you did speak to them directly and so it seems to be much more aggressive.
Anyway I would be interested to know what others think.