Not quite sure where to start!
I have been married for 6 years, together with DH for 10 in total. Everything was fine with his family until we got married and had our first child 5 years ago. My mil has always been very difficult to the point where i dread seeing her sometimes. DH's parents don't really like mine for some reason and his mother has always had a problem with my mother since they both became grandparents. It's like it's a competition for my mil. She has to buy the my children the most gifts, has to see them more, gets jealous if the children spend time with my family etc. She's incredibly emotionally immature and has to have her way often otherwise it's hell to be around her. She does have lovely ways about her but then they're overshadowed by her complete child like thinking and jealous behaviour. If my parents are mentioned to her she doesn't say anything and tries to change the subject. If the kids have a sleepover at my parents house and she finds out they then have to have a sleepover at her house. If we go on holiday with my family we then have to go on holiday with my in laws. If we go on a day out with my parents we then have to plan a day out with mil and fil. It's like we can't do a single thing with my family unless we do the same thing with DH's parents. It drives me insane. Don't get me wrong, mil is a great nanny and loves the kids to the moon and back but she gets very possessive over the grandkids. My sil (DH's sister) once said to me that her mum often likes to think she's the only grandmother. Apparently it's just the way she is. Sil knows what her mum can be like and often stands up for me when issues arise. My DH, on the other hand, can pander to his mum. Sometimes he will speak up but not a lot.
Anyway, we were talking yesterday and decided that we should go take the kids to see my parents for the first time in 7 weeks (keeping to social distancing rules the whole time as they have a big garden and the kids can play safely away from parents) and we will sit on opposite sides of the garden etc. We just thought we needed to get out of the house and see some family making sure we're safe at the same time. DH was on a video call to his parents last night (again) and our daughter suddenly says to mil "we're going to see other nanny tomorrow, I'm so excited!" I literally put my face in my hands and immediately knew that this would be a massive issue. My mil, not surprisingly, didn't really say anything and DH immediately said to her that we we would pop round to see them Sunday to keep her sweet, as long as nobody else was there in order to social distance 🙄. It's actually pathetic that we have to do this to keep her from having a hissy fit the whole time and quite frankly, exhausting. My parents don't get much of a look in when it comes to the grandkids as they both still work full time (both own their own businesses) but would love to see the kids more whereas my in laws only work part time and have the kids when I work (me part time, DH full time). Mil also is always asking to have the kids to stay which is okay but it's so possessive!
At the beginning of this year we went on a ski holiday with my parents as they have a place in the alps. We always look foward to this holiday but my mil got funny about it because we had to take dc away during half term this year as dd is in reception year at school. Mil had it in her head that she wanted to take the kids to soft play and got fed up because we wouldn't be around for her to do this. She even said to me one day " well, I did want to take the kids to soft play during half term but you're on holiday so that fucks that up". Erm, excuse me?? Sorry that we want to take the kids on holiday without you. She was only moaning because we were going to be away with my parents and she hated the thought. Basically, me and DH (especially me) feel like we're always trying to please everyone else on the family to 'make it fair'. It's really getting to me. Or, should i say, mil is really getting to me and I just want her to grow up and realise that there are other grandparents who love the children just as much as she does. She's even got fil to call me to find out if we've seen my family at all.
DH family has a WhatsApp group going at the moment as they are a VERY close family and my sil made a joke on the group asking if i had had enough of DH during lockdown and was moving down to my parents. I jokingly replied and said that i was close to it. About an hour later my fil calls us and asks DH if we're going to stay with my parents for the duration of lockdown and, if we are, then that would be really unfair to him and mil. Seriously? It was a joke. Even DH was like, "what the hell, no dad. It was just a joke". This is the kind of crap i have to put up with.
Please tell me others have the same problem with their in laws.......