ADHD

[eeehbyegum]

If anyone reading this has sought a private diagnosis for Adult ADHD, would you please share how you approached that, and if you then latterly were taken on board by NHS for treatment without an official ‘NHS’ referral and diagnosis? Feel free to PM too.

I see symptoms in my children and have suddenly realised it’s very likely I have it, and it’s potentially affected so many things in my life. I’m now wanting to look at this quickly before I procrastinate and do nothing about it ...

Thank you

I'm so glad to see a thread on this and sometimes I feel very alone living with this condition and feel there's a lack of understanding around it to the point some people don't even think it's exists.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late teens having had consistent struggles at school (also dyslexic) with a fairly high IQ but constant underachieving. I'm now in my late 30s and my dyslexia isn't really an issue, but my ADHD has caused constant problems that I can't seem to get under control.

I am also outwardly confident and together, but it's a battle to keep my shit together, I have a terrible short term memory and concentration, loose track of time, am emotionally impulsive and I a big day dreamer. I can't find balance, If I'm interested in something I get hyper focussed on it and struggle to disengage but can't manage small day to day tasks.

I took Dexedrine for the final year of my a A levels and at uni and my grades went up considerably. It was as if all the disparate parts constantly whirring around my head came together and allowed me to concentrate. It was actually quite life changing but they wouldn't prescribe it to me after I'd finished by education. I had a bad experience with one GP on the NHS who told me to give up trying to get help.

@dramarama6 oh my gosh! You must go back to the dr. I get exactly why you gave up. I’m exactly the same. But please show them this thread and go back and get help.

Reading this thread has made me determined to go back and try and get it under control actually. Its extremely comforting to read about other adults who struggle with this. I've never met another adult who has told me they also have this.

I'm really untreated to know if we experience the same things. @eeehbyegum
Do you ever feel so bored by something it hurts to concentrate on it? Like you are literally having to force your brain to focus on it that makes you feel physically tired. But then when you find something you enjoy you can disappear into it without any concept of time at all?

I have also had issues with anxiety my whole life too which I'm sure must he connected. The hyper focus can be to my detriment if it's about something negative.

Interested to know that should of said (untreated was a typo)

dramarama, I do think there's more awareness around how ADHD affects adults now than there was even a few years ago, so it's definitely worth pushing for help again.

My borough has recently opened an NHS adult ADHD clinic as they recognise there's a huge need (unfortunately it's closed because of lockdown and obviously has a huge waiting list, but at least it exists!).

IME with my SEN DC, I often find that GPs don't always know where to refer patients to when they ask for help as they haven't always been made aware what secondary provisions exist, especially if it's an uncommon ask . With my DC (who have some rare conditions), I tend to search online and talk to the admissions clerks at the hospitals that have specialists that might be able to help my DC, then I go to the GP asking for a referral to x person that needs to include y information.

If I were you, I would have a google and speak to adult mental health provisions in you area to find out what's on offer - you might be fobbed off a bit and feel like you're on a wild goose chase, but you'd be surprised at the intel you can pick up from a few quick chats with the secretaries!

It really is a super power once you can control the down sides, I feel privileged to be different.

Same with the manual tasks, I can power through and fall in a heap!

My mind is capable of having multiple tabs open, working in detail simultaneously and because my work is fast paced and detailed I am able to succeed. There are some days when I don’t want to sit at a desk and need to exercise to be productive though!

Can I ask everyone’s profession? I am in software sales.

I didn't get diagnosed in the UK. But OMG yes to lettinggo of the shame! Such a difference. Transformative.

Now if someone can give me a diagnosis that takes away the guilt about my parenting of DS1 :o (He also has ADHD...)

@Mixingitall agree it can be like a super power if you work in something you love. I was in marketing and actually in sales too but I'm currently exploring a new profession that seems more inline with interests.

I'm very extrovert and fascinated by people and what makes them tick so was good at building strong relationships with clients and colleagues.

However, the scenario you describe with the tabs is something I'm terrible at. I've got a bad short term memory (dyslexia) and my attention to detail is awful unless I'm interested in it. My time management is terrible too - it's one of the things I find hardest about parenting. However because I'm good with people I generally always managed to blag a bit and get away with things.

How do you control the bad sides? If I'm not interested in something I find it unbelievably hard to focus and finish things. It makes me feel sick with frustration having to do admin type stuff.

@LonginesPrime thank you this is helpful. It's true that most GPs prob just don't understand this space. It sounds like you've been on quite a long winded journey with it.

I do worry that my child will also have it and the issues that will present. I feel so sorry for any parents with ADHD who are homeschooling right now especially if juggling with working from home. It gives me a headache just thinking about it!

@dramarama6 yes but this is where I get emotional and too honest. I don’t put up and shut up unless it’s work based! If it was worked based I’d get very very fidgety (well more than normal) I get a bit irrational with and impatient with boring, annoying or irritating situations and find it hard to cover up my feelings. So I usually don’t much! Oops

Before I became a mum, and the times I’m not with my children or working, I lose all track of time. I lose whole days thinking. It makes me so tired too, so tired thinking, procrastinating, day dreaming or stressing about what I need to do but not able to actually do it. Exhausting - why?!

@Mixingitall - similar role to you

Hi, I’m a NHS Psychiatrist in adult psychiatry. I diagnose adult ADHD. By coincidence I have a child with ADHD.

We went private for our child because of waiting lists...doing this meant we also accepted the ongoing cost of medication and private treatment. You can’t just take a private assessment to a NHS dr and expect them to prescribe on that basis -they have no obligation to agree with/accept that opinion. Occasionally GPS may be willing, but very hit and miss.

The basic issue is that each doctor (unless a junior dr) is independent and we don’t act like each others’ technicians, if you see what I mean.

For an adult, you might easily get a private assessment costing you £££££, but they likelihood is that when you take that assessment to your GP, they will refer you to NHS Psychiatry, you’ll wait for that, and then get assessed again before you get any treatment. So you might wonder why you spent that money...

@DC3dilemma Thank you for replying!

This is what I kind of expected. I don’t mind paying private for diagnosis and ongoing prescriptions, but at some point I may need to move it to lower cost prescription via the NHS. If I lost my income, would I be left high and dry of I’d finally sorted my head out paying privately? That worries me.

Is there an advisable route for diagnosis and shared care?

@dramarama6

I find being a parent makes me have to work on being organised, since they were babies I have followed a fairy strict routine, I was so afraid that if I didn’t we would have no routine at all, I followed Gina Ford religiously. This is very different to my spontaneous existence pre children. The children are older now and we are much more flexible with time but do follow a loose schedule.

I hope you find a career that you love, that is a big part to my self esteeem, if I felt I was failing I suspect my weaknesses could lead to depression.

@eeehbyegum

I am also awful with expenses, and work admin! I didn’t complete expenses at all in 2019 and did them between Christmas and New Year, by tackling one month at a time. This year, I add them in daily, where it’s just a couple of receipts. Perhaps I handle admin by breaking it down to small achievable tasks. My work admin is dreadful, externally with client facing tasks I am on it, with internal visit reports, and admin that is forced on me I despise it and leave until as late as possible to complete. Thankfully I produce results and have a patient manager who accepts I am rubbish at admin.

It’s interesting you have a similar profession.

I also couldn’t work in an office, I would annoy people around me, and am too loud and everyone would know I struggle to stay seated!

I do worry that my child will also have it and the issues that will present

Two of my teen DC are in the process of being assessed for ADHD (they have ASD dxs already and there's a lot of overlap anyway), and I strongly suspect my third (also ASD) has it too.

The great thing about us all being neurodivergent is that their occupational therapy appointments give me useful strategies to try too, and I can help my DC by giving them tips that have made my life easier over the years. And I get where they're coming from with their difficulties because I've experienced similar struggles.

But yes, it has been, erm, interesting, trying to support them with homeschooling - especially with my DS's GCSEs..soo glad all his work is over now!

@LonginesPrime

Share your tips please!

I’m working at home and home schooling 2, it’s a monumental shit show ☹️

Really reassuring to hear that @LonginesPrime sounds like you have really invested in getting the best for them. They are lucky to have a parent prepared to navigate the system that way and keep pushing for what they need.

@eeehbyegum i think a lot of parents are struggling and you're prob doing better than you think. It sounds like you really care about it even if it's tough.

Mine is too young for homeschooling but I'm certain if i was it would a disaster

multitasking is not my strength at all, I hate the perception that women are amazing multi taskers as I am hopeless at it. I start a million things before I finish one and the levels of procrastination are so bad it's comical. It really is exhausting isn't it.

The years when I took my medication it was honestly like all the issues went away and how it must feel not to have it. The transformation was huge. I know someone also prescribed the same but I don't think she actually had adhd (she's North American and I know they over prescribe there) she found the meds meant couldn't concentrate.

@eeehbyegum

It varies area to area unfortunately.

So the first thing I’d do in your shoes is speak to your GP. I would look at this paper first and use the adult checklist in it to demonstrate your symptoms. Tell them the impact it’s having on you. Ask for referral to a psychiatrist. They can’t really do much else as it’s a secondary care diagnosis and prescription. If they are reluctant you can refer them to the NICE guidelines.

Then decide what you want to do from there depending on what response you get.

Paper:
www.bap.org.uk/pdfs/BAP_Guidelines-AdultADHD.pdf

I've realised I am now hyper focusing on this thread. Hearing from other adults/parents with the same issue is quite the revelation

@Ouchiehelpneeded it sounds like you're managing it really well with the meds. Do you mind me asking what they are? I'm wondering if it's the same kind of thing I took in my teens or if adults are prescribed something different/different people with adhd get different things etc? I honestly didn't think meds were available to adults.

Place marking to read later.

Thank you very much @DC3dilemma I said yes to every single one of those markers for diagnosis. Some more profoundly impacting than others. I will talk to my GP

In fact I probably won’t, I’ll just post here in another year and not have done it 😂 god help me!

@dramarama6 Hyper focused on this too!

Thanks dramarama! It often feels like for every problem we solve, three more pop up, so it's just a case of keeping our heads above water with it all!

eeehbyegum, well, it depends on the age of your DC, but one thing that's worked really well to keep mine motivated with schoolwork is to use reward charts - they get points for doing a certain number of homework tasks and those point convert into their pocket money - it only works for my DC when they've already established exactly what they want to buy with the money though as they're not motivated by money in itself. My DS especially gets obsessed with his reward and is then happen to do whatever it takes to get it!

The other thing I've been doing with my DS is trying to replicate the support he'd get at school as best I can - so for exams, he usually has a prompt person in the room to get him back on task when he starts daydreaming or gets distracted (happens constantly!) so I know there's no point in leaving him to get on with his work as I'll just go back in to find him deep in research for his computer games. So I've been keeping him on task (it's been like whack-a-mole with all three of them!).

And I've also been scribing for him and reading each question out loud, as I think this helps him to process it - he's actually really bright and has all these amazing ideas in his head, but it's so frustrating as he often says 'I don't know' as he's scared of saying the wrong thing. So I would say 'right, what techniques does the writer use in paragraph 3 to create effect?' And while he's fidgeting and rolling around on his bed playing with a Rubik's cube, he dictates some really insightful answers that I can type up for him - it's a shame that can't be replicated in school, really!

I also find a strict morning routine is working really well for us, so we don't have to even think about what comes next - we just do things in the same order every day.

Oh, and part of the routine has been checking the DC's emails from their schools - and being strict about adding anything arising from the emails to their 'to-do' lists (I write them) rather than getting distracted by the content of the emails and losing an hour to some random task (I always do this myself at work too). Documenting tasks to do later really helps me to put them out of my head while giving me the comfort that I won't forget them!

Oh god @LonginesPrime that sounds amazing and totally unachievable for us . I haven't got the time or mental energy to devote to the kids'work. Reward charts have never worked with either of them, we all get bored and distracted before they've got any points built up.

To be fair, the youngest has sorted herself a pretty good routine of WhatsApping her classmates while they do the day's work together. It helps that their teacher is setting a bit every day. Eldest was set a fortnight's worth at once and you can imagine how well that's going. I just don't feel I have the capacity to make them do it. Gah.

Eldest was set a fortnight's worth at once

God; I know - that happened with DD as she avoided checking her work for a while..I ended up telling her to forget about it all and just try to do the new stuff coming through - it's so utterly overwhelming!

It's very much a case of 'do the next right thing' in our house at the moment!

The whatsapping sounds like a fab idea to help them feel connected and like they're not in it alone!