Does anyone have a horrendous relationship with their 10 year old??

[Nuked1981]

Name changed as appalled I’m writing this.

Does anyone have a really really shit relationship with their 10 year old (my son). Just turned 10.

I just am really struggling to see the positives in him and he seems to dislike me intensely too.

I try. I really try. He is difficult at school but nothing to how difficult at home.

It’s more than that. I can’t bear how he behaves and some of his actual personality.

It’s killing me

One of mine was exactly like this at this age, even the tiniest argument would escalate to a screeching door-slamming physical altercation.

After months of reading, googling and stressing I figured out that the real trigger for him was me shouting. If he shouted and I engaged and shouted back things would escalate very, very quickly. I stopped with the drama. If he wouldn't wear a coat in the freezing cold I just gritted teeth and ignored. The biggest flashpoint was trying to get somewhere on time. In the end I stopped nagging and just went and sat outside waiting. I explained that if we were late he would have to do the apologising.

It was almost as if he disliked being a child and once I started to treat him in a much more 'adult' fashion and he responded really well. Now a much older teenager and he has his moments but is much more pleasant.

MissFlite that's really interesting. My son absolutely hates me shouting too. Often says I am even when I'm not.
What you said about treating your son like an adult as he seemed to dislike being a child, is exactly how I felt when I was younger. I had an awful relationship with my family growing up and left home at 16. I hated the rules and structure at home, and was desperate to grow up. Interesting stuff!