2 children at 21

[getmeacupoftea]

I had 2 children by 21. I'm currently 23, and I am absolutely loving life with my 3 year old and 18 month old. Though hard at times, I feel blessed that I've had my children at this age. I'm currently working part-time (although my new start date has been pushed back - thanks covid) and I really look forward to diving headfirst into the career I want to do once they are school age, with no maternity leave holding me back. From reading previous threads about young parents, I feel as though I should mention that I have never claimed a penny from the government, I'm married and we are currently saving for a house whilst living in military married quarters. We are lucky in a sense.

I just seemed to be faced with a lot of negativity, comments on how young I am, even though I don't feel young, I just feel like a parent, as I imagine everyone else does. So comments can sting sometimes.
I feel so self-conscious going to mum's groups as I have never fit into the "yummy mummy" 30 something club. But I've also never felt a belonging to teen parent groups. I feel like I'm in a weird bracket in between. I was just wanting to hear from people who had their babies around my age, and how fantastic they are doing now, having done the baby/career thing the wrong way round. Or from mum misfits like me who feel a bit lonely, and don't have zoom girly nights like everyone else seems to be at the moment.

I had one at 21 and one at 24

They are now 15 and 12 and we get on more like siblings as we just have a laugh and a joke all day long.

I did used to say “when I’m late 30s I’ll be living my 20’s then”..... but then I had a third child at 34

Oh it’s you again

I've got a feeling of deja vu!

If this is the same poster id be very surprised as the last one just stank of immaturity, but this post has a more level headed tone to it

I read that post. No that's not me. And I don't know why they'd make the same post twice?

Had my first and only child just as I turned 23. Best decision. Able to keep up with him as I have so much energy and I love that I'll still be 'young' when he has moved out

@itchyscratch
Well you had the option to have a third those years later, which is lovely. Hope you are all keeping safe and well. 😊

Sure I've read this not to long ago

Married at 17. First child at 18. Just celebrated 40 years of marriage. Have worked full time since I was 16. Have 2 wonderful kind sons who are in their 30's now with their own families. Looking back I'm glad we had the boys when we did.

Never feel bad about your life choices as long as you aren't hurting anyone and you are paying for a bringing up your babies by yourself and not trying on the taxpayer.

There are amazing mums out there having babies at all ages, from teens to women in their late 40s. It's what suits you as an individual and when you can give your kids a good life that matters.

Good for you and I’m glad you’re happy. For me it’s not an issue of doing baby and career in right order it’s when did you get to have fun?

Between the ages of 18-23 I was at university studying for the degree traveling the country to clubs with my girlfriends: ministry, gatecrasher, Q club, the cross. Topped off with a year travelling round SE Asia, before moving into a flat share in London and spending two years drinking, parting and having fun.

I was irresponsible and ridiculous but it was fab

I worked on a cruise ship, had stupid flings, flew to NY on a whim with a crush. Temped in an art gallery, met film stars, worked in “PR”, travelled to South America, camped at festivals and did a season in a ski chalet.

I don’t look down on young mums because I think they’re irresponsible, incapable or in some way inferior. I just think it’s a terrible waste of youth if I’m honest.

I’m surprised you come across so much negativity - I grew up in a military family and my DH is in the military. Getting married young in those circumstances isn’t unusual at all in my experience, nor is having kids in your early twenties. Quite the opposite. The availability of living quarters for married couples certainly encourages this - you used to not be able to move into them together unmarried even if you had children, I don’t know if that’s changed now? My DH and I met when we were 18 and were 26 when we married, and compared to everyone else it felt like we waited ages. Having my first child at 27 made me feel like I was very late to the party! Most of our friends who are connected to the military were married with children long before then.

Thanks for your comments everyone, they are all very positive and encouraging.

Not this again.

@Pegasusreturns
I was never into that side of things, so I don't feel I'm missing out on youth. Giving up partying and drinking was never a life changing sacrifice for me, although I can imagine the freedom to do whatever whenever is great fun. My husband and I do get snippets however! When babysitting allows😊

But I agree you sound a lot more sensible and mature than the poster on the last thread which has just been zapped.

It's a lovely age to have children. I think 21-25 is probably ideal biologically. I totally sympathise with women that gave had fertility issues and conceive later as a result but I struggle to understand women who are like 'oh gosh I'm so young at 34 I wouldn't even consider kids until I'm at least 37' biologically you are not young to be having babies past 30. I feel a tinge if sadness for women desperately clutching at straws hoping to conceive at 47 (I've seen a thread once) it's like they don't realise they're not of child bearing age and it ends up cruel to them and the kids

@VivienneMary
I haven't posted on this subject before. You may leave if you wish?
I'm just looking for positivity at the minute.

@VivienneMary
Just read your second comment. Thankyou.

As for feeling as though people are judging, I think it all depends on where you live and the demographic of your neighbourhood. 10 mins drive down the road could be very different. It is where I live.

I became a mum at 22, quite happy with my choice too tbh; but like most individual choices in life, its not for everyone.

Thank you for all of your responses. It's been nice to read your stories. 😊

My sister had a child when she was 16 and another 11 months later. (She got married when pregnant with the first.) She raised them, then went to uni, got her BA and MA and had a long career as a university tutor.

You will be a young fit and with it grandma one day, if your children have their own babies.
That’s the only reason I wish I’d had mine earlier, I don’t want to end up being too old/ tired to be a fun/ useful grandma 😀

I had 3 at 21! I'm older now and it's never an issue anymore.