2 children at 21

[getmeacupoftea]

I had 2 children by 21. I'm currently 23, and I am absolutely loving life with my 3 year old and 18 month old. Though hard at times, I feel blessed that I've had my children at this age. I'm currently working part-time (although my new start date has been pushed back - thanks covid) and I really look forward to diving headfirst into the career I want to do once they are school age, with no maternity leave holding me back. From reading previous threads about young parents, I feel as though I should mention that I have never claimed a penny from the government, I'm married and we are currently saving for a house whilst living in military married quarters. We are lucky in a sense.

I just seemed to be faced with a lot of negativity, comments on how young I am, even though I don't feel young, I just feel like a parent, as I imagine everyone else does. So comments can sting sometimes.
I feel so self-conscious going to mum's groups as I have never fit into the "yummy mummy" 30 something club. But I've also never felt a belonging to teen parent groups. I feel like I'm in a weird bracket in between. I was just wanting to hear from people who had their babies around my age, and how fantastic they are doing now, having done the baby/career thing the wrong way round. Or from mum misfits like me who feel a bit lonely, and don't have zoom girly nights like everyone else seems to be at the moment.

OP, I’ve had people use similar words of my decision to delay having a child till when I had DS, and of my decision to have an only child. Mistake, selfish, afterthought, ‘career woman’ etc etc You can’t censor what other people think of your decisions. Like you, I would prefer if they kept them to themselves.

My mam had me at 19, her & my dad married 9month later then went on to have my sister 5 year later.
They struggled in the beginning having me making ends meet not going to lie. 19 & 21 not a pot to pee in & a treat to them was sharing a chinese curry, lived in a really rough area, but they worked their arses off, moved, bought a house & built a life.
I'm now 28 & they're mortgage free, they do both still work full time but they'd crack up if not 😂

Ps my mum bless her (from that generation) refers to me as 'older' when I had my children (27&28)

I had my eldest son at 19 then my second son just under 2 years later. I was never treated as a teen mum even though I was. I think I looked older than I was. But now people cant believe that at the age of 36 I have a 17 year old who can drive. My school friends are just having babies now. One thing I would say is I felt very insecure not having higher education esp as my dh is a Doctor. So I enrolled in Open University and am set to graduate this year. I also waited until my boys were 10 and 8 and then had my daughters. I was still a young mum at 29! Although it "worked" for me
I wouldnt want my daughters to be teen mums though....

I had my first at 19 and my second at 22.

I've been a single parent since they were 5 and 3, so 10 years now. (Well I had a relationship in that time but am single again now)

I went to college and did and access course. I got a job in a field I'm very passionate about. Then I hit a mental health crisis and have been off work for a year.

But my DSs (now 15 and 13) are amazing. They are funny and kind and clever and just brilliant. I'm young enough to find the same things funny (mostly). Apparently their friends think I'm "cool"

i had my first at 19 and 22, i totally agree about not feeling like you fit in anywhere. i can relate.

I had my DD at 22 and yes I never felt like I fitted in either! Glad other people felt the same.

Issue with having children young is, your likely end up having another one in your 30s! I am now 30, new partner and we are looking to have a baby together this year. That means I will have a 9 year old when the baby is born.

However, having a child did not stop me training for my career when I was 25. I am now a qualified professional. I did struggle as a 'young' mum but I feel the experience of being a mum in my 30s will be different as I have a career, more money and own my property.

im going to soon have an 11 year, and 8 year age gap, but this is definitely my last, i wouldnt want to be any older with my last child.

I had my son at 29 and I'm the youngest mum in my area always. Where I live it's very unusual to have children before late 30s.

My mum had two by 24 and it's great having a young mum - we've always loved it. She's build her career in her 40s and 50s.

I'm personally glad I've built my career before having kids as I could never do those hours I put in, staying in the office till 8pm, travelling for work etc - I wouldn't or couldn't do that now with a son. It's a relief I've got to a certain level that money is more comfortable.

There are so many ways to live your life... Be happy and confident in your decisions. How you feel about your life is the only thing that matters

I totally relate to not being a 'young' or 'old(er)' mum at groups. I had kids in my early 20s which is young for my friend group but hardly young. I don't feel I missed out-my friends are having kids now after traveling and doing nothing much with spare time and money for the last 15 years- they're
perfectly happy with those choices. We all have the same general level of professional qualification now. I travelled the world as a child with dysfunctional alcoholic hippies (my parents) and maybe that's why having a free and fun filled lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me at. Having children and gaining qualifications are not mutually exclusive - in fact mature students often get more from going to uni IMO. I appreciate that if my upbringing was stable and more normal (as I want for my kids) I might not want the same young adulthood for my child as I had. It's totally true that you shouldn't rely on others for validating your choices but it's nice to know there are others also feel there is a gap between the young and old mums. A bit like the forgotten gen Xers between the baby boomers and millennials 😏.

When I think of other girls I know who had kids at a similar age to me there aren’t many that I think would have been backpacking in Asia instead or on their way to a medical degree

Absolutely. You need to have been brought up in a certain way to have the mindset and the opportunities to do things like that. I was brought up in a tiny rural village where most school leavers went on to work in local factories or farming/construction. I’m the only one in my extended family with a degree (which I did after having DC). I also had to move miles away to get any real opportunities. I was happy to do so, I hated where I lived. But many many young people just do not get the chance to go to Uni or travel.

Yep, I had two by about your age and love we did it earlier. We had so much fun as young parents. I got my degree a few years ago and earning more now. Now they’re adults we are starting to travel a bit more(couldn’t afford it when children were young). My dh has developed chronic health conditions now, I’m so glad we had the children when he was full of energy and fun, we can do things at our own pace now. Also looking forward to being a granny!
Enjoy your life!

i dont understand why people come on here to stick the boot in young mums are discrimated against enough, id been 'partying' since about and not everyone wants to promiscuous 🤷‍♀️, all my children are of the same dad, been married a while, ive succeeded in giving my children more stability than i had, young uncles, grandparents. you only have to read the relationship boards to see ' older career people' who never seem to socialise, because there husband wont watch the kids or turbulent divorces, etc i do not envy those people.

*since about 15. that should say.

I'm of the opinion that there isn't really a correct age to have children (barring extreme ends of the spectrum) I had the most wonderful decade 20-30. Had my first child at 31 and second at 33. I envy some of my friends who had theirs young and are now restarting their careers a decade younger than I am. They look wistful when I tell them about my adventures. Grass is always greener... There are always advantages and disadvantages whatever age you start your family.

Hear hear northern soul 👏🏻

I had my two children at the same age as you and I’m the same, never felt like a teen mum! I finished my training and have a good job! I loved being a younger mum but I’m about to see the flip side as I’ve just found out I’m pregnant at 32! The only thing thing I would say i missed the boat with having kids at a similar time to my friend group,I was the first to have kids and now they are all done and I’m about to do it again