Inexplicable product warnings

[TriciaMcMillan]

I've treated myself to a few bathroom products to keep lockdown fresh. Today my new Sanctuary shower creme arrived.

I enjoy something to read in the shower, and therefore was thumbing through the instructions on the bottle for a mindless diversion. It contains the stark warning 'DO NOT USE ON FACE'.

Now, I appreciate bits of my face may be more sensitive than most of the rest of me, and it does contain an additional warning in case I feel the inexplicably urge to massage it into my eyeballs (SPOILER ALERT: it suggests not to). But I admit to being a bit baffled that something I can wash my body with, might be the equivalent of liquid magma if applied to my face.

Admittedly, I was feeling adventurous, threw caution to the wind and have in fact washed my face with it. Have to see if my skin flakes off later this evening.

Does anyone else have any tales of strange product warnings or instructions that make you wonder what on earth the manufacturers were thinking?

Clothing

Do not iron whilst wearing

You would think that would go without saying, but I bet some people have done it

Not a warning, but I once bought a Pair of socks made from ‘100% unknown fibres...’

While on holiday in South East Asia I bought a can of soda that said "say no to drugs" on the side

When I was 15 we were in the checkout queue and my DM asked me to go to the separate pharmacy bit and get her some zovirax for a cold sore she could feel coming up as the queue was huge and she hadn't finished unloading her trolley.

The woman wouldn't sell it to me. Baffled, I asked why. She gave me a withering look and peered at the label. "It says 'must not be applied to eyes or genitals'"

I always laugh when I read 'may contain nuts' on something like pistachio ice cream

'Do not use on unexplained calf pain' - on the box of a vibrator

@Soubriquet I've seen more than one post here on the 'embarrassing/stupid injuries threads' where people have burned their stomachs doing exactly that!

@PowerslidePanda

I have an electric laminating machine. The manual is quite short and succinct, but does contain the instruction not to put it in a dishwasher. Why would anyone put any office appliance in a dishwasher?

The fact that they've only specified not to put it in a dishwasher could imply that it is fact safe for hand washing with the other bits that can't go in.

Not quite the same, but an interesting description on this toy

Love this thread, I'm wondering what people were thinking when they did the things that cause manufacturers to put these warnings on their products.

That washing instructions label is hilarious Velociraptor.

I always wondered why they had Do Not Drink on things like bleach and disinfectant but then along came Trump and showed us why!

Love it VelociraptorRex

This all reminds me of the instructions that Wonko the Sane found on a packet of toothpicks in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, which convinced him that humankind was insane:
“Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.”

@Megatron

@PolPotNoodle - That's a good point! I went back to the manual to check, but it does also say not to submerge it in water. But I noticed that the exact wording of the dishwasher clause was, "Do not in any case place the laminator in the dishwasher. It would be destroyed as a result." That almost suggests spontaneous destruction!

You've reminded me of this newspaper headline recall of canned fish by Lidl

To be fair if you read the article you find they should have said it also contained eggs and wheat

Hibiscrub - got it from vets for cat's wound, the bottle says "do not allow contact with brain" which made me laugh!

A box of French condoms with very explicit drawings on a leaflet in the box ... woman with legs in the air and detailed chuff, unfeasably huge erect penis, the lot

It sort of occurred to me that, if you were already buying this product, the detail could well be superfluous

Curling wand : do not use internally. Want to know the story behind that warning! (I think I can guess!)

The labels is Next baby clothes used to make me laugh
NEXT BABY
KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE.

A box of French condoms with very explicit drawings on a leaflet in the box ... woman with legs in the air and detailed chuff, unfeasably huge erect penis, the lot

^

Only the French eh

I bought a book a couple of years ago that stated
Warning: not for under 3yo due to small parts.

Book in question was A5 and about an inch thick.

I bought a small pack of 4 make-up sponges...

Google Translate strikes again!

Peanuts are not nuts they're legumes!

Just seen this. Made me laugh, cos it’s true