Inexplicable product warnings

[TriciaMcMillan]

I've treated myself to a few bathroom products to keep lockdown fresh. Today my new Sanctuary shower creme arrived.

I enjoy something to read in the shower, and therefore was thumbing through the instructions on the bottle for a mindless diversion. It contains the stark warning 'DO NOT USE ON FACE'.

Now, I appreciate bits of my face may be more sensitive than most of the rest of me, and it does contain an additional warning in case I feel the inexplicably urge to massage it into my eyeballs (SPOILER ALERT: it suggests not to). But I admit to being a bit baffled that something I can wash my body with, might be the equivalent of liquid magma if applied to my face.

Admittedly, I was feeling adventurous, threw caution to the wind and have in fact washed my face with it. Have to see if my skin flakes off later this evening.

Does anyone else have any tales of strange product warnings or instructions that make you wonder what on earth the manufacturers were thinking?

I bought a laundry bag for washing things with pet hair on so it doesn't come loose and block the filter. It had a warning not to wash pets in the washing machine

@greathat given my cat once did a couple of spins on tumble dry when she'd found her way in to the dryer unbeknownst to us, I may be the audience that is aimed at. 😳

(Cat was fine, albeit slightly put out she'd be ousted from her private isolation chamber)

I bought some over the counter sleeping tablets ... no shit, Sherlock

@BigBirdsbird and did you pass the advice on to the dog?

DD bought a pair of shorts-style bikini bottoms some years ago (plain black, covered everything they were supposed to) and found the warning that they were not for those aged under 16. We were baffled.

Not quite what the OP asked for but I've noticed that the latest thing with online recipes is that they often contain the word vegan, even if it's completely unnecessary eg 'vegan lentil soup' or 'vegan ratatouille' as if people are unable to work this out for themselves.

And yes I do know that many recipes often contain dairy, but surely if you were vegan, you'd just leave out the offending ingredient or use a substitute?

Plus the need to include the number of ingredients in the title or description even if it's a complete lie 'look at this amazing two ingredient pizza' which apparently is made from flour and yogurt (fair enough) but the recipe also specifies that you need cooking spray and most people like to put toppings on their pizza so in reality you have far more than two ingredients, but why would anyone be counting anyway?

"Don't do dumb shit that The President suggests"

@PowerslidePanda our work laminator has a sticker that says the same plus it also says in large red letter 'do NOT attempt to laminate your hand as this may result in injury'.

I should add that I told my friend that and she didn't believe me (quite understandably) so I had to take a photo and show her. 😂

We live in France and used to have a moped/scooter that said ‘do not drive after drinking beer or wine’ as if driving after shotting vodka all night is fine!

Our paper shredder at work has little diagrams of things that should not be placed into it...
One of those pictures was of a baby

I remember a yo-yo I had back when there was a craze for them. On the packet it read "Replace string before getting old, do not wind the string up your neck."
How old do I have to be before I'm officially old enough to replace my yo-yo string?
I threatened to complain in Starbucks once as my cup clearly stated "Caution contents hot" when they were barely lukewarm.

Kitchen knife that told me 'keep out of children' was a source of amusement for DH and I. Although I would think that keeping the knife out of anyone would be a pretty good idea imo

My kitchen matches say "keep in a dry place and away from children".

I have found this to be very good information for life in general

LIGHTHEARTED - for all the grumps out there. I love my children!

Our paper shredder at work has little diagrams of things that should not be placed into it...
One of those pictures was of a baby

😂😂

The money checker UV light where I used to work had the instruction 'do not store at great height'

The peanut one comes up every time. There are people who are allergic to tree nuts, but not peanuts. They are different. It is relevant for them to know that the packet of peanuts might also have tree nut traces.

I bought a family sized chicken pie years ago that ended up upside down in the bag, which didn't go so well. I did discover, however, that the was a warning label on the underneath shouting at us to keep the pie upright and flat.

Item of clothing owned by Dh.

Do not dry clean
Do not tumble dry
Do not remove & run naked down the street

Had a special light which killed flying insects in the kitchen, Chinese instructions said "works well, YOU WILL LIKE IT" so mire a demand really!

A sign in university accommodation kitchen at Plymouth university stated "Do not put chicken nuggets in the toaster".

I like the one on pork scratchings that says you should only eat them if you have good strong teeth!
I ate a pork scratching on holiday once, and cracked the side off a molar.

I've just unpacked my brand new kettle and I'm so disappointed that all the instructions are sensible and in correct English!

Why would anyone put any office appliance in a dishwasher? I've seen posts on NotAlways where someone was told their computer need a clean-up and they put it in the dishwasher.

@BernardsarenotalwaysSaints you've reminded me, I also found this in a t-shirt once...