the things I can't say to my 5yo

[majesticallyawkward]

I've spent an hour making a cardboard boat, cardboard fish and fishing rods with magnets because the 5yo wanted it... I suggested she could decorate her boat, name it maybe.

Nope.

Handed over the cardboard fishing rod to play fishing.

Instantly cried because the seahorse is the wrong colour and the fish is a boy one (how tf anyone can tell what sex a cardboard fish with no genitals is I don't know).

Stomped off only to return with 'fine, I'll play'

Well excuse me kid, this isn't how I wanted to spend my day!

10 minutes of play that got us. 10 fucking minutes.

Dh is setting up a board game for them to play now while I put the baby down for a nap and I can already hear complaining.

Why, oh why is everything an argument?! Fuck sake. This conversation happened yesterday:
5yo :'Is this my right hand?'

Me: 'No it's your left'

'IT IS NOT ITS MY RIGHT HAND! YOU CAN'T TELL ME!'

Well you fucking asked! Right and left don't change person to person and you can shout all you want about it, it's doesn't change right from shitting left!

Where's the rum?

I know the feeling.

Mine is only happy now if I let her look at screens, any screen will do: tv, ipad, nintendo switch, her sister's new ipod.
I brought out a surprise from my stash of surprises for when everyone was fed up of lockdown. It was a bath bomb making kit. DC love bath bombs. It did turn out like the instructions on the box. My 5 year old shouted out me. Then she shouted at me to get her a cloth so we could wash her hands without going upstairs to the bathroom. She knew where one was and I couldn't see it, so she shouted out me for not finding it first. She stormed off, so her sister finished the bath bomb, so 5 year old came back to shout at us some more because she wanted to do some of the last bit. We offered her the chance and she shouted no. I despair. Why isn't it nearly bed time yet?

I remember dc2 once whinged a bucketload because they wanted to go for a walk. We went for a walk and they whinged even more because going for a walk meant actually walking. Who knew?!

Amen to that. My 7 year old who is usually the sweetest child and my littlest pal has become a whinging whiny brat from hell. Wtaf???

Omg must be a 5 year old thing rings very true for me with dd2!

Oh my the bath bomb thing is pretty much how all attempts at crafts or kits turn out 😂

I've just spotted a forgotten 'diy glitter slime' kit and for a millisecond thought we'd do that. Then common sense kicked in and I realised that there is no possible outcome that doesn't involve tears and glitter spills.

They are playing with duplo now, and by playing I mean the baby is chewing on a duplo while the 5yo takes the bricks off him and complaining the tv isn't on

With the crafty kits I buy them for myself (the sewing ones mainly - I like sewing but I'm crap at it so buy the kids' kits) and find my children take them off me and do it themselves without complaining. If I bought them specifically for my children they'd whine and tell me they're too hard and refuse to do them but won't let me take over either.

Rainbow cake in process here....

@muddlingalongalone thoughts and prayers are with you 🙏

@TwoZeroTwoZero that's a genius move, I've just ordered myself a sewing machine and some fabric. Can guarantee 5yo will want a go, just like when she wanted to learn to crochet like mummy... that ended in her throwing a crochet hook at the cat while yelling is broken the yarn 🙄

Glad it's not just me.
We went for a walk for about a hour. The 5 yr old told us about every 2 minutes that her legs were tired. We only walked just over a mile.
I have to wash her hair tonight. Wish me luck!!

my dc1 bought an usborne knitting kit for children because he wanted to make the cat. Having adhd he got as far as casting on 5 stitches and gave up so I took over and actually learned how to knit. Since then I've made a few small dolls, stuffed toys and a couple of other bits and bobs. Dc2 always wants a go and has actually learned how to do it but omg the strops whilst doing it, especially when the stitches come off the needle! Cross stitching worked well for both of them once they learned how to thread their own needles - they were actually really calm whilst doing it but, as I said above, if I bought them their own kits they'd just put them down somewhere and never bother with them! They are a bit older than yours though at 7 & 9 and are growing out of the tantrums but the youngest does have a very fiery temper.

Oh god I need you guys right now! DH just sent me to lie down in a dark room after an afternoon of preparing a ‘party’ at 4yo request, made a big cream sponge with her, egg mayo sandwiches, cups tea for her and wee sister, even put fecking bunting up in the garden. So much crying, complaining, nonsense, several spilled cups of tea including over said beautiful cake. Irritable parents and no fun had by anyone. Maybe except the 19mo old who was delighted with her cake.

Does anyone else find that the more effort you put in trying to be a good parent, the unhappier the kids seem? Same happens with crafty things. They seem happiest when pottering in the garden and I’m inside! (And me too)

I wish I’d used your glitter slime common sense op - how did I think this would end well?

@Merename - Yes I’ve lost count of the amount of activities I’ve put so much effort and thought into, only for them to wander off after a few minutes and do their own thing, with me then say there on my own doing whatever it is!

My two have non stopped moaned about every single thing possible today. I’ve sent them to bed already..

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT attempt the glitter slime. Slime making was yesterday’s activity and it was an absolute disaster, my 5 year old stormed off about 100 times and I gave up and threw it all in the bin and then had to clear up snot like stuff off everything he touched in the process!

Don't forget to post the one instant of beautiful, harmony on social media.
6yo ds has started doing this. Or complaining he doesn't know what to play with. As soon as I start helping, I'm doing it wrong. Meanwhile 4yo ds is filling the whole loo with precious bog roll or raiding the treat cupboard just before a meal.

@Merename there definitely a correlation between effort put in by parents and level of complaining (or general dickheadery) from child.

Omg her games.... 'you be this, now say this' its basically me parroting whatever she says and an almighty kick off if I go off-script.

Tonight she cried when I said goodnight and left for dh to read her stories, she screamed that she wanted to spend time with me. We've been together all day, every day for a month!

Offered her £10 if she could behave today. Just one day of no tantrums or whining. She lasted 10 minutes 🤦‍♀️

@TheMandalorian you get a moment of harmony? 😂

God I'm glad it's not just me! DS is 4, and is being as stubborn and contrary as it's possible to be. We too have had the left and right argument. All I've been hearing lately is "mummy please can I have a piece of chocolate for being good, I will be good tomorrow I promise". Yeah, right. And no you can't, mummy has eaten all the chocolate (and drink all the wine) for having to put up with your shit while daddy sits on the bog with his iPad.

I stole this from another thread

@FadedRed yassss that is 100% today's mood hah!

Oh thank god this isn’t just our house atm.

You are my people. I'm done with today. Nearly 4 year old has the attitude of a hungover teenager and is kicking off left, right and centre over nothing. Baby pulls itself to standing (new trick), the screams the house down because she's stuck and doesn't know how to get down. Finally bedtime and no one's tired, everyone's hungry and I'm the only dick head that's been up since 5am and not eaten

This conversation happened yesterday:
5yo :'Is this my right hand?'

Me: 'No it's your left'

'IT IS NOT ITS MY RIGHT HAND! YOU CAN'T TELL ME!'

Lol me and my 4 year old have conversations like this ALL the time. We've been having the following conversation at least once per day.

4yo: is it my birthday today?

Me: no, it's your birthday in two months

4yo: no it is not it is my birthday in one month

Me: ok

4yo: why are you always LYING about my birthday. I KNOW it's my birthday next week.

I have literally banned questions about his birthday in this house

I've found my people!! 5 year old DS has decided today he's a T Rex and will only answer to "Mr T Rex" He then proceeds to roar very loudly every 3 minutes for the whole sodding afternoon. The 15 month old then starts to join in with the roaring giving me an even worse head. But the 5 year old then gets stroppy as he doesn't want his little brother to roar as well so has a meltdown. Thank god they are now in bed. Off to do it all again tomorrow in Groundhog Day fashion....

My three year old could be heard from miles around screaming that she was never playing with daddy again this morning.
(He was trying to help her untangle the skipping rope that she wanted to play with!)
I know I know LTB!