the things I can't say to my 5yo

[majesticallyawkward]

I've spent an hour making a cardboard boat, cardboard fish and fishing rods with magnets because the 5yo wanted it... I suggested she could decorate her boat, name it maybe.

Nope.

Handed over the cardboard fishing rod to play fishing.

Instantly cried because the seahorse is the wrong colour and the fish is a boy one (how tf anyone can tell what sex a cardboard fish with no genitals is I don't know).

Stomped off only to return with 'fine, I'll play'

Well excuse me kid, this isn't how I wanted to spend my day!

10 minutes of play that got us. 10 fucking minutes.

Dh is setting up a board game for them to play now while I put the baby down for a nap and I can already hear complaining.

Why, oh why is everything an argument?! Fuck sake. This conversation happened yesterday:
5yo :'Is this my right hand?'

Me: 'No it's your left'

'IT IS NOT ITS MY RIGHT HAND! YOU CAN'T TELL ME!'

Well you fucking asked! Right and left don't change person to person and you can shout all you want about it, it's doesn't change right from shitting left!

Where's the rum?

I nicely asked my 21-year-old if perhaps she might like to spend just a short time outside in the fresh air today, just for a few minutes, like.

Mainly as the weather was so nice and she was cooped up in a stuffy bedroom with the window closed and the curtains drawn and the carpet invisible underneath what I dare not find out, and with the lingering and all-pervading smell of nail varnish remover...

OMG. I should have know better really.

21? Have I been lied to about it ending?!

She woke up today shouting at me and stomping over nothing. She muttered something then I heard him turn the tv on in her room (not my choice, grandma bought her it and it was too late once she'd seen it. I accepted I'd lost the battle but put rules around it) and gave her an apple and a drink...I'm just going to let that happen.

Just before lockdown, the DC announced they'd like to grow some plants this year. I was thrilled as I love gardening. So we traipse off to the garden centre and buy seeds, compost etc.
After 6 weeks of boredom, they finally agree to plant them (and only because I said they couldn't have an ice cream until they had). Much moaning, huffing and puffing. At one stage 10yo DD said "it's not like you even put pictures of us on FB so I don't see why we have to do things like this"!

@majesticallyawkward you're right about the social media thing. I've got a friend who from social media you would think has the perfect life. I know it's not, I just don't know why you would put so much effort in to making it 'look' perfect. No one has the perfect life, but most of us don't document every second of it anyway.

My Dd has woken up in a better mood but it's still early so I'm not being complacent!

I've bought cress and sunflower seeds @working5to9 but so far Dd isn't interested. I'll just end up doing them myself I know I will.

OMG I have found my people!! This is my life...
Husband tried to get the 6 year old to do his leftover English work yesterday..had a minor 5 mins of screaming about it, and decided that it was bloody hard work!
This is my life all day every day...juggling trying to work from home, trying to get a 6 year old who is super clever but hates any form of sitting still or writing to do his school work and stay sane...

Husband asked the other week why the alcohol cupboard was suddenly very empty...well...whilst you are at work all day every bloody day...I am
Trying to stay sane and not kill anyone..

She woke up this morning happy as larry & cute as a button.
She accidentally ate dd1's bagel with butter & jam not just jam and cried hysterically. Fml......

Good luck fellow fiery small person owners. Only 10hrs to bedtime😂

My kids are in their TWENTIES and I STILL have flashbacks to the Walk To Hell where every single one of the five of them Wanted To Be In Front.

Five kids, aged between 3-10, simultaneously tantrumming because they weren't In Front.

I am now going to lie in a dark room and eat cake because of the flashbacks. Thank dog they've all left home now.

I may have lost the moral high ground today already by threatening to hoover up the Lego.

In my defence they were sent to tidy up a moderate pile of Lego in advance of hoovering and half an hour later all that had been achieved was the emptying of all Lego everywhere and all the models had been properly ‘looked at’.

I can drink at lunchtime on a Sunday right?

Absolutely @AppleKatie ! It's the inky way to survive.
My dd is super extra this morning, demanded 'fancy' breakfast (french toast) while in unicorn dress up. She's in a princess dress now having a ball, literally a ball- she asked Alexa to play 'the waltz' and is insisting dh attends. He's in a mood because she's being a tit so obviously dd is screaming at me.

Oh and the baby has rubbed his pancakes into every soft furnishing he could reach which made 5yo cry because me cleaning that up was giving him mote attention.

Solidarity ladies! 👊

attitude of a hungover teenager
Describes my 5 year old DD perfectly right now!

Last night she whined “I want a huuuug” whilst I was actually giving her a hug

She wanted to go for a long walk on Saturday (as I’m working long hours for home there’s not much time during the week). Built up to it everyday then when Saturday finally came she wines and whinged that a walk would be tiring for her legs - ok we won’t go then - cue more whinging WTF?!??

Sorry for typos! The kids and “D”H are competing for the title of who can be the most annoying and unreasonable at the moment!

Last night she whined “I want a huuuug” whilst I was actually giving her a hug hmm

You’ve just reminded me we had

‘I want to go HHOOOOMMMEEEE’ yesterday, from the living room.

Mine asked “what is this?”
Me “that’s your elbow”
Followed by tears and screaming “but I don’t want elbows, take them off.”
I mean, how do you reason with that? I poured wine!

I've been getting screamed at here too but I've taken a pretty intolerant attitude towards it the last few days one had the temerity to bitch at the cat I told him the cat was going to live with his sister unless he was nice to him he hasnt dared benasty to the cat since

Me I'm fair game cats DO NOT CROSS THAT LINE

My 5yo isn't too bad, although I do have to pretend to be Combo Panda playing pretend video games (wft?!)

It's the 3yo who's killing me. He's a nightmare. He literally screams at me for food, even if he can see me putting it on the plate. Won't get dressed, won't have his teeth cleaned, won't wear shoes if we're going out, only says "NO" or "no" or "noooooooooo". Changes costume 15 times a day. Wants to be held all day, but wriggled and fights being held. Only wants to play on the tablet. Thank god he sleeps at night (last night he slept whilst wearing his sisters new Elsa dress!)

Last night she whined “I want a huuuug” whilst I was actually giving her a hug

It's like the urge to whinge cancels out all reason.

I've just asked if she wants chocolate, vanilla or chocolate chip waffles after lunch... 'I DON'T WANT LUNCH! I WON'T EAT IT AND I'LL WHINGE!' Fine, but there will be nothing else until tea time. And I'll be having my waffle.

I'm so glad to not be the only one. 5yo will only answer to Hulk and insists on calling me Mammy Hulk. 2yo is my shadow and if I'm sitting down for 5 minutes is climbing all over me.

But you guys have made me laugh this morning

Ds has been pretty good today! Tbf i had a 3 hour nap though (36 weeks preggo) there has been minecraft, going out on his bike for a bit and even some education!! Now the countdown to bed begins 😂

So happy to have found this thread!!! My 3.5 year old demanded a BBQ today. We agreed and cooked burgers, sausages and lamb kebabs. He ate only bread!!!!

Managed to eat today! Only to be asked why I've "got a bit, fat, squishy tummy" 😳 2 fucking huge babies thank you very much dd, one of which isn't even a year old yet, AND I'm back in size 10 jeans. Maybe my tummy is the reason she runs me ragged, she thinks she's doing me a favour 🤷🏻‍♀️