I have the most useless cat in the world.

[wheresmyhairytoe]

Dcat is a hunter, when outside he catches mice, birds and even rats. He kills them well and is always very pleased with himself.

We have had mice in our kitchen for a couple of weeks. 18 so far. He has not caught 1 of them! He sits on his chair and looks at us with disdain while we free then from their traps in the field round the corner.

Why won't he get them?! Useless beast.

He is bringing you the mice as gifts. And he enjoys watching you catch them. He feels he has taught you well.

Our cat is bloody useless too. I’ve threatened to cancel our contract with him as he’s not keeping up to the terms and conditions agreed at the start of this relationship.
He’s also a big fat liar. He’s had two breakfasts after lying to us this morning.

Mine can’t catch spiders. I fact I think he’s scared of spiders so god knows what he’d think of a mouse!

Mine is equally useless. She sat just inside her cat flap the other day, watching a bird eat the grass seed I had just put down and did nothing.

Mine is a rubbish hunter. Catches defenceless fledglings only if she's lucky. However, she does bring things back home:

Socks.
Old gloves.
Lost cuddly toys that she's dug out of a gutter or shrub somewhere.
Dog toys lost in the park.

But what makes her the most useless, shittiest, worst cat ever? She brings home abandoned dog shit bags. Usually torn up too from being dragged. So despite not owning a dog and making sure to clean up my cat's poop from the grass verge where she goes when outside, I still have to clean dog poo up.

Mine caught a mouse in the house this morning it came in last night, we couldnt find it or catch it. But dcat pounced this morning and appeared with it, thankfully dead. I was very proud

He's not the most useless cat in the world. I reckon he's training you. Our older car used to bring in loads of mice for the kitten when we first got it and appeared to be happily supervising as unfortunate mouse was used as a training tool by kitten.

Useless is obviously my friend's cat which not only is very lazy but also appears to have vertigo... if it somehow manages to achieve a height above about shoulder height it meows loudly until someone comes to rescue it.

One of mine left a dead rat in my kitchen this morning. The other is is sitting under a bird box waiting for the blue tits to fly in. They only eat the flies they catch.

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

What a beautiful cat

@RebelWhoWashesFor19Seconds 🤮🤮🤮

My old boy used to drag snakes in, thankfully only half-dead ones. He'd also bring lizards in, munch them then projectile vomit, Little Britain-style. God rest his soul

My four cats are thankfully quite uninterested by wildlife except for dcat3 who last summer proudly brought me a collection of cockroaches, dead and alive 😭