Do you put your partner's clothes away?

[Pogopogopogo]

I'm currently on maternity leave and our baby is almost 5 months old. I do 90% of things round the house and 100% of anything to do with the baby. He takes control of the garden and plants in the house. Very occasionally he will cook, clean the bathroom and vacuum but mainly I do it. I put away mine, our baby's and all towels and linen. Should I be doing his as well. I appreciate I may sound petty but as a grown man I think he should do it. So do you put your partner's clothes away?

Yes, I put his away and he puts mine away. It's just a matter of who took the clothes off the line.

When I was at home with the children, I regarded that as "my job" and I did it all. It never occurred to me that he should do stuff like, that since I wasn't working and I had all day to do it.

Yes and he would do things for me. We share the house stuff equally as both work full time. I’d expect him to do it all if not working.

I don’t understand why people don’t if living together as a couple. Seems a waste of resources and energy to do separate laundry etc.

I meant it is my job (apparently) to look after the baby and house whilst I'm in maternity. I work in enforcement so when I go back it will be quite demanding both mentally and physically.

it appears to be me doing the majority of household and baby labour.

You keep saying 'it appears' and 'apparently', as though you're trying to decipher some arcane legal contract you didn't write. If you didn't decide that being on maternity leave involved doing 90% of the housework and 100% of the childcare for your five month old, who did decide it?

I class laundry as personal care. DH does his own laundry. I do the DCs but as they get older (7&9) I'm involving them more in rounding it up for the wash and putting it away. Currently supervising more than doing and they rarely do it independently.

I am a SAHM, but did find after maternity leave, working p/t and the way our working hours fell, that I seemed to end up doing more anyway. DH did increase his share but it was not 50:50, and if we ever wanted to eat before 10pm, my work hours seemed to lead to DH dropping the share of meals that he cooked in the early days as I got back at a more practical time.

It's tough to get the balance truely fair. Even in comparitively equitable households, one partner tends to get more of the mental load and have to co-ordinate the other anyway, unless you are both highly organised and motivated types.

@hayfevered I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at?! I used the term "apparently" to infer that it has been said to me by DP that it is my job to do the house hold / baby things. Perhaps the wrong way to phrase that. Feel free to omit "appears to be" and add "is" in its place to form the sentence which reflects the position. There is no contract sadly - I didn't pass that exam so not really equipped to write one

I do everyone's laundry and put it away. It is my job to do laundry as I don't have young children and don't work.

However I don't pick up dirty clothes from the floor. That would be disrespectful.

You, however, OP are busy looking after a young baby. So whilst you are at home on mat leave it doesn't mean you have 24 hours every day to do ALL the household chores. You are on mat leave to care for your new baby. You might need to insist on a fairer share - especially in advance of your return to work.

Who ever folds/hangs the dry washing puts everyone’s away.

I put DH clothes away
DH puts my clothes away

He puts mine away usually because he usually puts the wet clothes to dry. I put the washer on and then spin dry it.

I always did, but I haven't worked ft since having my not so little darlings

infer that it has been said to me by DP that it is my job to do the house hold / baby things.

Well, that's what I wondered -- whether he had said these things, because all those 'apparently's suggested you'd had no input into deciding whether it was your job or not. I mean, do you want to do 90% of the housework and all the childcare?

Housework aside, don't you think it's disgraceful that your husband has never done basic care for his own child? I mean, I appreciate there will be an imbalance if you're breastfeeding and he needs to get up to go to work in the morning, but it's his baby too, and his responsibility.

I don't even wash his clothes never mind put them away. I didn't even do that when I was on mat leave. While on mat leave your job is to look after the baby not become your husband's housekeeper

@Hayfevered its a catch 22. I want a well looked after baby and I want to live in a nice clean and tidy home. And now the majority of my time is spent in the home he sees no reason for me not to it. Tried to speak to him and I got "tough times" thrown back in my face and the dinner I cooked was "is that it". No I didn't choose this but my options are currently limited.

We'll he's a twat isn't he?
I think it's time you stopped doing things for him. Look after yourself and the baby and that's it.
You deserve to be treated better than this but you know that ♥️

The answer to your initial question is 'do I fuck!'
It could be argued it's your job to look after the baby most of of the time, but it's not your job to look after your dh' s every need. Although if you start doing it it might be soon.

Who a) works hardest and b) has less free time?? That is the only question you need to be asking. 'He does she does' is fruitless.

Our household is DH, DDs 8&7, and me. I'm currently a SAHM/housewife. My bit of the laundry is collecting everyone's baskets, sorting a wash, hanging out, and putting piles into peoples rooms. Everyone is responsible for putting dirty clothes in baskets and putting stuff away (I help DDs as needed- DD2 can't reach her wardrobe rail for example).

With current situation, DDs are 'helping' more with my bit of laundry too- both can peg out standing on a chair, take in, fold, and DD1 can also sort a wash and put it on.

i do but he works FT (i am on mat leave from a PT job) and i am able to do this because he massively out earns me.

I’m on mat leave with a 7 month old.
I do 90% of the baby as he’s working but he does all the cleaning, gardening, DIY, shopping and about 75% of the cooking.

I do most of the laundry and do put it all away, but it is pretty much the only chore I do.

I wouldn’t put up with that @Pogopogopogo

If my DP said that to me after I cooked dinner he would most likely end up wearing it.

Yes I’m very particular how clothes are folded and put away so I don’t mind

No I do my laundry and the kids he does his own. I always put it away wrong so he puts his own away or more commonly leaves it in piles next to the bed. We have been together for 15 years and I have never got involved with his washing nor he mine.

I hang his on hangers if when I iron them. I no longer put anything away after The Odd Sock Incident, of which we never speak.

Well OP, it seems like you’re partnered with an arsehole.

No I don’t put my DH’s clothes away, and he doesn’t do mine. But you’ve got way bigger problems than that.

No, never. I wouldn't want him to put my stuff away either.
We have a fair division of labour but I see putting clothes away as a personal admin job.

No never - he's an adult, not a child you need to look after. I find it very odd that you're even asking the question.