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Original poster

Do you put your partner's clothes away?

111 replies

Pogopogopogo · 23/04/2020 09:38

I'm currently on maternity leave and our baby is almost 5 months old. I do 90% of things round the house and 100% of anything to do with the baby. He takes control of the garden and plants in the house. Very occasionally he will cook, clean the bathroom and vacuum but mainly I do it. I put away mine, our baby's and all towels and linen. Should I be doing his as well. I appreciate I may sound petty but as a grown man I think he should do it. So do you put your partner's clothes away?

OP posts:
Hayfevered · 23/04/2020 10:28

You’re deeply unreasonable to allow this insanely unequal division of labour. And you may well expect the baby to put away his own clothes when he’s older but why would he, when what you’re teaching him by example is that women do all the cooking, cleaning, childcare and laundry, while men do the garden, which is seasonal, not daily and far less pressing?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2020 10:30

It’s his baby too? Why are you doing 100% of the baby work? That’s way more of an issue. If you got ill would he be able to take care of them?

rosie1959 · 23/04/2020 10:30

No I put it away always have the washing machine tumble dryer and iron are a mystery he has never solved
But he is an absolute marvel with the cooker and food prep Have never cooked a Christmas lunch and cant remember the last time I did a Sunday dinner probably in the 1980's

Arsed · 23/04/2020 10:31

No. I wash and he puts away. That’s our decision of labour as we both work full time.

Original poster
Pogopogopogo · 23/04/2020 10:31

@affor because it is literally my "job"

And yes to who asked we both work (well obviously I don't atm!)

OP posts:
affor · 23/04/2020 10:37

@affor because it is literally my "job"

Perhaps during working hours, but surely he does 50% in the evenings and at weekends?

ravenmum · 23/04/2020 10:43

Maybe OP means she is a cleaner?

CMOTDibbler · 23/04/2020 10:49

Nope. I will sort the clean washing pile into mine, his and ds's, and then we all put our own stuff away. We don't iron for each other either

Original poster
Pogopogopogo · 23/04/2020 10:50

No I'm not a cleaner. I meant it is my job (apparently) to look after the baby and house whilst I'm in maternity. I work in enforcement so when I go back it will be quite demanding both mentally and physically.

@affor no, you'd think that wouldn't you. But no. However, he does more than his fair share in winter. You know those 2 whole months out of 12 Hmm

OP posts:
Wexone · 23/04/2020 10:51

I do put it way, however that's because its my job to do. Both myself and my partner work long hours, we also have a cleaner who comes twice a month (obv not during lockdown) However I hardly ever cook (Would burn water) so he does the majority of the cooking. Between the two of us we do half the house work each. I commute to work aswell as good bit of travel so like to sleep in at the weekend when I can, I have often got up to find kitchen has been tidied and hoovered etc. He will do anything I ask him too. At the moment he is washing the windows outside( I did inside) When we got together 1st he didn't realize how much housework needed to be done and would complain if I was tidying up and he was sitting down. Blew up one day. Hence we now have a cleaner (each pay her) and helps cleaning too. It does sound a bit petty what you are saying about putting the clothes away, however I think its stemming from building resentment from you expected to do everything. You need to have a serious chat with especially when you decide go back to work, will childcare issues be all left to you ? Life will get very busy

YodaEveryday · 23/04/2020 10:53

Sometimes, it depends how much time I have. I do all the washing, drying and folding for everyone and put away mine, the two young dc and all the household stuff. Older dc put their own away/ throw it in the bottom of their wardrobes/dump it on the floor.

I used to always put dp’s away but it annoyed me how he’d rifle through his drawers messing up the neatly folded clothes and also how he’d be sat on the bed reading his phone while I put his clothes away at bedtime if I hadn’t had time to do them during the day. So now if I have time I do them, if not he puts his own away (and funnily enough he doesn’t mess his drawers up so much now they’re his responsibility)

ravenmum · 23/04/2020 10:54

Is enforcement policing or something? Could you bring a bit more of the spirit of your job home with you?
He's still doing the occasional vacuum now, but seriously, this is a slippery slope. I ended up right at the bottom of it!

Greenkit · 23/04/2020 10:54

Both of us will wash it, but I tend to sort it into piles.

He puts his own away

notalwaysalondoner · 23/04/2020 10:56

We split chores pretty much evenly (but no DC) but have both got quite lazy at putting away laundry so tend to let a couple of clean loads pile up then do it together. No resentment that way!

You sound like you’ve got into a real imbalance of chores - just because you’re on leave doesn’t mean you should do literally everything, and for goodness’ sake, make sure when you go back to work it goes back to a 50/50 split!!! I think if he is a star on the weekends and really taking on lots of childcare, taking care of you etc then I wouldn’t mind doing a bit more housework during the week if I was on leave, but if that’s not the case then he should pull his weight.

What does he actually do around the house or with the baby?

RebelWhoWashesFor19Seconds · 23/04/2020 11:07

DH puts mine away and I tend to leave his on the bed (he's particular about how his drawers are arranged). But even though DH works and I'm a SAHM, most jobs are done by whoever is not busy at the time. The only thing I do all of is the cooking because I can cook and he can't.

Original poster
Pogopogopogo · 23/04/2020 11:07

I'm not police but work in a similar role with similar hours shifts etc.

At the moment. I do mostly everything as I'm on leave. And with lockdown I have fuck all else to do so it appears to be me doing the majority of household and baby labour.

OP posts:
DPotter · 23/04/2020 11:09

Never, ever pick up his clothes from the floor.

When someone takes their clothes off, they have a choice - to put in the laundry basket, leave on a chair or drop them on the floor for someone else to pick up. People don't drop their clothes on the floor and then pick them up later themselves - much easier to put them in the correct place straightaway. This is what he thinks of you - you can pick his clothes up from the floor - that's insulting.

Leave his clothes on the floor. Leave him to do his own washing and putting away. He's employed so of reasonable intelligence, he'll figure out how to.

Sn0tnose · 23/04/2020 11:17

Yes, I do it most times. But that’s only because he hates doing it, I don’t mind it and there are other jobs that I hate, that he does every time. I can’t remember the last time I cooked, for instance. I’m happy to do it because we have a very fair division of labour.

SnugglySnerd · 23/04/2020 11:20

I put away his socks, pants and jeans after doing the washing but he does all the ironing so he irons all his shirts and anything of mine that needs ironing and puts them away himself. I think I have the better deal!

redwoodmazza · 23/04/2020 11:22

Not any more. I used to years ago but he pissed me off too much for me to continue.
The only ironing that was ever done was his work shirts. Then after [yet another] huge row, I told him I wasn't going to do them anymore. Strange how after that, he happened to drop into the conversation with friends, that 'Sunday was his ironing shirts day'. Trying to shame me, I believe. What about the fucking previous 20 years when I did them all???? Angry

Iwalkinmyclothing · 23/04/2020 11:24

No, both of us do laundry but we don't put it away for one another, we will leave the others' clothes in a pile for them to sort and put away.

BadlyAgedMemes · 23/04/2020 11:24

If I'm the one putting clean laundry away then I'll put it all away - including his. If he's putting them away, he also puts them all away - including mine. I couldn't say the percentage of how often it's me and how often it's him. It's whoever's going to bed earlier, as the clean laundry tends to get left on our bed until put away.

bagsofbats · 23/04/2020 11:34

Nope, I found the way he chucks his clothes in the wardrobe after I had folded them for him was making me cross so I stopped folding them. He doesn't seem to care either way and I am trying not to.

Rainb0w · 23/04/2020 11:54

If I'm sorting the washing out it wouldn't occur to me not to put his stuff away at the same time. If he's upstairs at the same time I might pass him his pants and socks to put in the draws etc

ExpletiveDelighted · 23/04/2020 13:08

It's never occurred to me to put his away TBH, I just put it in a pile for him to do later. He does the same with mine when he washes. We each do our own ironing too.