Is school being unreasonable?

[CinnabarRed]

Background:

• 3 DCs aged 12, 10 and 8. All go to the same school (private).
• I’m a single parent. XH pays the DCs school fees, which I couldn’t come close to affording.
• XH is a very good, hands on father and has the 50% of the time. The way our arrangement works means that during lockdown I home-school the DCs on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays.
• XH has married again - the DCs’ step mum is truly lovely, and has two older DCs of her own (17 and 14) that my DCs really like.
• I work full time, currently from home obviously. I only started my job in February, so haven’t built up the capital/trust that I had in my old job. It’s demanding, and I have a team to manage remotely and keep occupied.

The school has mandated that, from the start of term on Monday, all three kids must be on separate Teams meetings from 8:20am until 4:45pm for live lessons, with full parental participation throughout. I only have two laptops, including my work one, so will have to give the third DC my work phone to access Teams. My rural WiFi isn’t great, so I have no idea how three live streams simultaneously will work.

The DCS are following their existing timetables, which include exercise time, but none of them back exercise scheduled at the SAME time so I can’t take them out for a walk during the day.

The DCs can’t be in their bedrooms for safeguarding reasons, but do have to be in separate rooms. I’ll have to put one in the kitchen, one in the living room but then I run out of non-bedroom rooms and so will have to somehow create suitable space on the landing. I don’t know how yet.

The school has effectively wiped out my ability to work for three days out of five. I’ve explained to the school that this won’t work for me, and that keeping my job and a roof over our heads has to be my priority sometimes - they couldn’t have been less sympathetic. In fact, I have to provide a written explanation daily for any lessons missed.

I can see that their proposals would be great for their more typical family set up - one or two children, dad working from home, mum not working and able to help. But I just can’t see how I can possibly keep going like this.

I spoke to the deputy head. He said that he has 3 DCs and his wife is a key worker and he still has to teach - if he can do it then I should be able to as well.

Thats really funny

On the subject of the Dep head (who does not sound very sympathetic), I don't know when it was decided his own 3 DCs were being taught by him simultaneously to him setting and teaching lessons. Unless they are triplets doing his subject and in his class as he teaches (probability zero) that's a silly point.

But that's exactly the point - he can't be abiding by his own standards of complete parental involvement unless he is teaching all three of his kids the same lesson content throughout the day!

Well no , quite.

Obviously I have no idea where in the country you are, but around here, very few families would have sufficient non-bedroom rooms to facilitate this with a family of your size. You pay the school. They work for you, and not the other way round. Don't beg them, but ask them to send you spare laptops from school to your home so that all the DC can work.

I am SOOOO SOOOO cross and upset for you. They should be making your life easier, not harder.

I'm a teacher by the way! I'm providing work that can be done on a phone, tablet or laptop for my children, with no restriction on when/if or how much is done.

I’m a teacher and I’m appalled by this. Private or not private the well-being of parents and therefore children MUST come first. Schools should be there to help and support, not vilify.

This is awful, OP and precisely why this rush for a full video lesson timetable is unworkable.

I would write back and tell the school when your DC will be available for classes and how you will work in the schedule to suit your working hours. They can all go on a walk together and get school work done in chunks. School will have to deal with it.

And I say this as a teacher. I am not chasing work at the moment because I have no idea what each family’s position is at this point in time.

My son goes to a private school too. He's in reception. They've also said that he needs to be at the computer from 9-3 every day to do online lessons but we're not going to let him do that. Having consistently been strict on screen-time, it seems crazy to stop him reading, talking to us, playing imaginatively, doing Lego etc to make him hang out on Zoom for six hours a day. We also wouldn't be able to supervise to the necessary degree because he has a younger sibling and we both work full time.

I'm sure it's being done to justify continuing charging (almost full) fees. Ironically, it's making us lose patience with the school and realise how little he learns there anyway. There aren't any skills / ideas that I'm worried he won't acquire.

Private schools are not exempt from the requirement to continue to be open for the DC of keyworkers.

Perhaps stating (jointly with DH) that as the home school,as currently arranged cannot be made to work, the DC will need to attend.

This reminder might in itself be diffident to unlock the changes you wouid like to see - loan of kit, no requirement to supervise/assist (other than being on the premises to stop them killing each other), use of any room in the house with obscured background.

Why does it need parental input?

That's the actual question I'd be asking.

You are paying the school to educate your children. They can do this without you there when in the building and should do this when they aren't in the physical building.
I'd also ask them if they are providing individual laptops then if they are insistent each child must have access. They will have laptops at school they can lend.

Apart from the fact the whole thing is ridiculous, I would suggest one child uses the other laptop independently each day. All your children are old enough to work without constant supervision, so either one child does a day each a week with you or the youngest doesn't bother (let the eldest two do a day and a half each). Your youngest can do two days a week at his Dad's.

This is a decision for you and your Xh to make, not the schools's. They have zero right to control what you do. I went to a private school and sometimes they have a way of making parents think they need to comply. You do not, not in such extraordinary circumstances. Simply write a letter explaining the need for families to be together, stable and supportive and the need for children to feel psychologically safe to be able to learn. Add in the need to get out once a day together for exercise, as well as the most important factor of you working to pay rent.

Have you heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs? I would be quoting this in my response. Simply produce the same letter/email each time they request it.

This is about survival and you need to do what is best for the family, not what is best for the school.

Sorry, that turned into a rant! Hope it wasn't unhelpful. You are doing a great job, don't let them put more pressure on you than you already have. We're all just getting by.

What is the school's agenda in being draconian like this? Is it because they prep for selective processes and can't afford for their percentage of test passes to drop? Or is it just about making sure there is no excuse for parents not to pay their fees?

My DS's Prep is offering a pretty full online timetable, but we are definitely not doing it all. We want to do more hands on stuff with him, not just worksheets on Teams all day. We've paid the fees- what are they going to do if he doesn't do the online work?? No way will the bin him, they will be anxious for every single bum on a seat.

I assume it is driven by fear of the Mandarin demanding parents mentioned upthread red...

Or reef even....

@Piggywaspushed

I’d agree. Some parents is making an almighty stink about not enough work set, their child’s education etc.

Schools often will set too much rather than not enough to keep parents happy- Nevermind the effect it has in the kids or other parents.

@BelleSausage are. affect.

Can we all also just STFU. Everyone is trying their best. Slagging off teachers - why?

@Trooperslaneagain

I’m not slagging off teachers. I am a teacher. I feel sorry that the teachers at this school and the parents and children are being forced through this horrible sausage factory if 9-5 screen slavery. It sucks for everyone.

It is possible to sympathise with the OP and the teachers at the same time. I worry about any teacher being made to host video lessons all day.

But thanks for the super sympathetic grammar check. I do actually know the difference between the two, as an English teacher. Sadly, iPhone auto correct doesn’t always.

I hope your rant made you feel better.

effect was correct btw...

Thanks piggy I was doubting myself then. Noun or verb. Noun or verb.

effect was correct btw

Brilliant!

I often hang out in pedants' corner