Is school being unreasonable?

[CinnabarRed]

Background:

• 3 DCs aged 12, 10 and 8. All go to the same school (private).
• I’m a single parent. XH pays the DCs school fees, which I couldn’t come close to affording.
• XH is a very good, hands on father and has the 50% of the time. The way our arrangement works means that during lockdown I home-school the DCs on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays.
• XH has married again - the DCs’ step mum is truly lovely, and has two older DCs of her own (17 and 14) that my DCs really like.
• I work full time, currently from home obviously. I only started my job in February, so haven’t built up the capital/trust that I had in my old job. It’s demanding, and I have a team to manage remotely and keep occupied.

The school has mandated that, from the start of term on Monday, all three kids must be on separate Teams meetings from 8:20am until 4:45pm for live lessons, with full parental participation throughout. I only have two laptops, including my work one, so will have to give the third DC my work phone to access Teams. My rural WiFi isn’t great, so I have no idea how three live streams simultaneously will work.

The DCS are following their existing timetables, which include exercise time, but none of them back exercise scheduled at the SAME time so I can’t take them out for a walk during the day.

The DCs can’t be in their bedrooms for safeguarding reasons, but do have to be in separate rooms. I’ll have to put one in the kitchen, one in the living room but then I run out of non-bedroom rooms and so will have to somehow create suitable space on the landing. I don’t know how yet.

The school has effectively wiped out my ability to work for three days out of five. I’ve explained to the school that this won’t work for me, and that keeping my job and a roof over our heads has to be my priority sometimes - they couldn’t have been less sympathetic. In fact, I have to provide a written explanation daily for any lessons missed.

I can see that their proposals would be great for their more typical family set up - one or two children, dad working from home, mum not working and able to help. But I just can’t see how I can possibly keep going like this.

We had the same problem with laptops and bought the kids cheap netbooks for £150 on amazon. All they need is to be able to get online, and use teams or google classroom. They have a webcam and microphone so hopefully that will be enough. I'm going to put them each on headphones either end of the dining table and sit between them on my laptop. We'll see how long that lasts!!!

Our school has said to just do what we can, they provide the work, but we're not going to be penalised if we can't do it for some reason. And if the teachers start getting arsey with the kids I'm going to be writing some strongly worded emails saying we're doing our best and to back off!!

Given that they’ve offered fee discounts surely your DH can buy two extra laptops for them to work on?

Re non-bedrooms just set them up with a wall behind in their bedrooms, it’s not like the school will know.

Re full parental participation just don’t. At their ages they really shouldn’t require it.

My school is encouraging all children to work independently - even from Year 1 because this replicates how they work at school. The teachers are constantly available via Zoom to provide support and "supervise" the children. I don't see why you need to participate in the way they are suggesting. It's totally unreasonable, and unmanageable as well.

they think, rightly, that school is better at teaching than they are

It’s a valid point but if the the teaching provided by the school is live lessons that your child can’t access because you don’t have the spare laptop, bandwidth or physical ability to be in 4 places at once then it becomes a moot point.

Who have you spoken to at the school? I'm a teacher but at a comprehensive so no real idea how private works but is there a head of year or someone pastoral you can speak to? They should be more sympathetic or at least they would be at my school. Tbh though, anyone at my school would be more sympathetic than what you've described! I can't believe there's no wriggle room in your circumstances.

@Cambionome totally agree. That's what my school has done also. And where parents don't have wifi, lesson packs (paper) are sent out. Also, form tutors and heads of year are in touch to support every week.

Well then your work laptop is always for work, as should your work phone be really. XH sounds vaguely reasonable so I would ask for some technology to come with the dc. I would also consider trying to rejig days temporarily so maybe down to two days of home schooling with you. If the 16yr old step sibling is yr11 maybe they would have some time to sort out the 8yr old. Parental participation is obviously not possible but if most other families can achieve this then the teachers will know to support your dc more assuming they aren't wrangling their own dc

I agree that the school is being ridiculous and with how stressed it is making you. We only have one child in school (of three) also private. Whilst DH is home too we both work full time and managing the kids plus supervising a full time curriculum is filling me with dread. Our school are much more sympathetic in terms of "do what you can" but the feeling of failing DC1 is strong. I think other parents especially those with a stay at home parent have put enormous pressure on to deliver the curriculum.

Thank you, all. I feel much better just for talking about it.

Really appreciate the practical suggestion about getting a laptop from XH - I’m sure that he’ll help, and don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.

I’m going to put the 12 year old in his bedroom, because he’s much more independent and good at the tech, and the 8 & 10 year olds in the kitchen on headphones, with me. We’ll do our best to stick to the timetable, and do our exercise each evening after dinner.

I spoke to the deputy head. He said that he has 3 DCs and his wife is a key worker and he still has to teach - if he can do it then I should be able to as well.

It's not the law and you dont have to do it! You are paying them, not the other way round! Do what you can do and dont feel the need to justify anything.

He can say whatever he likes, it’s still an unrealistic expectation.

I’d be inwardly questioning just how ‘good’ this school is if that is truly their attitude towards you.

The deputy head is a dick. Definitely speak to xh about laptops, but at the end of the day if it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work. I’d be phoning school back and saying something along the lines of “this just isn’t going to work for my family. What do you propose as an alternative?”

I’ve also just found my old baby monitor! I can put it in 12 year old’s room so he can call me if he needs anything.

@CinnabarRed bloody hell! The deputy head said that???? And I bet he's not bloody doing it under your circumstances.

As pp have said, there's no law here that says you have to do this. They should be SUPPORTING you in this.

The school is being unreasonable and is doing it to justify the fees because some parents are being arsey about paying fees when school are closed.
I work in an indie and when the school closure was sprung on us all the initial time lan was to do what your school is doing, but the practicalities means that we have scaled right back. Not all lessons are live and those that are do not mandate that the child is present for a very session for the very reasons you have given, and also it is on the interests of everyone that parents are not put under (even more) stress

Maybe the deputy head can tell you how to do it then?

Everyone needs a laptop including you if the school expects that then they can provide one hour need to be able to work they also need headsets

If you have a timetable for each can you go back to the school and state child a will be online for x lesson, child b at y time, child c at z . The other 2 will work quietly in another room on any set activities. Maximise use of current resources until you get another laptop/tablet.

Why all the drama? It's a private school so they need to provide work for those who want it in order to justify their fees.
Just right a polite email explaining your situation. No need for strong words or tell them to fuck off. Just explain and they'll understand. They won't mind at all.
And please remember, there'll be other parents in the same position as you.
And also - for every parent who doesn't want lots of work sent home there are others complaining that they want more. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
So sick of the vitriol against teachers. Can't wait to leave the profession.

That is ridiculous!!!! I would not be able to cope at all.

Did you already know the deputy head is a twat? Good grief.

I don’t think the vitriol is aimed at the teachers it’s the SLT that will be pushing this intense program. I mentioned above how hard it would be for teachers of young children.

The ‘can’t be in a bedroom’ rule just proves the school has no clue about the technology they are using. MS Teams has a simple option to ‘change my background’ so even if your child is sat with their bed behind them with a click of a button you can change the background to a blank wall, a mountain, a seascape, a space scene etc. You can even just chose a ‘blurred’ background of your room. It’s simples. So sit them where ever you like !

As a teacher, I am going to say that's insane. It's a ridiculous expectation of the kids and the parents. How are you expected to manage that!?! We just give the kids work and they get on with it independently and we are available all day to answer questions, mark, give help etc. We cannot expect parents to be free and easy and available to sit with kids all day. Parents have to work too. It sounds like as a private school they are trying to justify their fees at this time by differing from state schools and still 'maintaining standards'. I would definitely speak to the school, preferably a member of SLT, and explain your situation and that you will not be sitting with your kids 24/7. At their age they need to be resilient with their focus anyway, and self monitor and motivate without Mummy standing over them.

What the ‘can’t be in a bedroom’ rule is that the school, far from being incompetent, has scrambled to cover its arse on a variety of issues, including safeguarding, without any time whatsoever to consider the issues in their entirety.

They know quite well that there will be a baying mob ready to tear them apart should they make even the slightest mistake on this sort of thing, even though none of it is of their making, instigation or within their control.