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Original poster

What do you do if SS refuse to help, and you can't cope any more?

59 replies

UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 01:32

My teenage DC is autistic and deeply disturbed. They haven't been to school this whole academic year. We are being physically and verbally abused daily. Our house is being trashed. A window has been broken. Younger DC is being bullied. Everyone's health is suffering, especially autistic DC who doesn't leave the house and has no exercise they are still shouting and screaming after hours and hours. No one can sleep.

I've begged social services for help, they don't want to know. Refused to give us a disabled child or carers assessment. Referred us to a local SN charity who can't do much to help at the moment.

I can't cope. I can't go on.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do or who I can contact?

Thanks

OP posts:
Curoi · 17/04/2020 01:51

How old are your younger dc? I've hot experience in something similar but in Scotland so can only advise on Scottish routes etc

Original poster
UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 02:07

Hi Curoi thanks for answering.
Younger DC is 10.

We are in Wales.

OP posts:
MovingBriskyOn · 17/04/2020 02:22

Do you have an ehcp, or whatever the Welsh equivalent is?

With social services... firstly, if you've contacted them recently (I.e. since lockdown) they are completely swamped and overwhelmed atm.
Secondly, as someone where my job frequently requires me to report families to SS and they regularly designate referrals as no further action; your situation will either improve, in which case you won't need them, or deteriorate, in which case their involvement will be mandatory

Time40 · 17/04/2020 02:24

I hope someone with some actual knowledge of the best thing to do comes along for you, OP.

I have no idea, but in your situation I would phone the police and say that your younger child is in physical danger, and you need your other son removed immediately for everyone's safety. If they refuse to help, I would take him to the police station, tell them that you are at absolute breaking point and leave him there. Just refuse to allow him back into your house.

Good luck. It must be the most horrible situation. Please come back and let us know if you manage to get help.

MovingBriskyOn · 17/04/2020 02:25

What other support networks are available to you? There's LOTS out there, including loads online (and some on MN), but depends on what the diagnosis is.

Also, there's currently quite a bit of mental health services available on line or via phone.

But I'm England, not Wales. Good luck Flowers

StillDumDeDumming · 17/04/2020 02:30

But surely the local authority has to assess if it looks like he has needs. It can’t just refuse, legally. Would the national autism association help you get a needs assessment for your teenager? They’re specialists and my dealings with them have been good.

Original poster
UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 02:34

@MovingBriskyOn she has a Statement of SN, if that's the same thing?

No, we contacted SS a few weeks before Coronavirus blew up, and were rebuffed then, so it's not because of that. I'm not sure if I should contact them again? I appreciate they may be very busy at the moment.

@Time40 It has been suggested to us that we involve the police. We may have to. It's a 13 YO girl though, who's disabled and mentally unwell. Seems such a cold and drastic move. We may have to, though Sad

Thanks for your responses, everyone.

OP posts:
StillDumDeDumming · 17/04/2020 02:36

www.autism.org.uk/about/benefits-care/community-care/children/england.aspx

They need reminding of their duties- get back up from here he National autism society or similar.

StillDumDeDumming · 17/04/2020 02:37

Yes please do contact them again. Your family is entitled to an assessment. It may well take a while but you need to get the process started.

cakeandchampagne · 17/04/2020 02:38

Have any medications been tried?

tillytown · 17/04/2020 02:39

Have you contacted Mind? They can help with getting a advocacy worker for the mental health problems.
There is a Welsh autism society as well, they can help with making social services get involved.

My nephew is autistic, my sister had to get her local MP involved just to get a school to accept him because no one wanted him, and the council didn't give a crap.
Maybe try emailing your MP and see if they can do anything to help members.parliament.uk/members/Commons
Sorry I can't help more.

Original poster
UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 02:40

Yes I think I'll have to contact Autism charities and organisations for advice on how to progress.

@StillDumDeDumming SS said that because DD got (only just) too high a score in some sort of IQ test when she was about 9 then she's not disabled enough for them to assess. Not sure how IQ makes you disabled or not, but anyway that was the upshot. I've discovered they can't legally refuse me a Carers assessment, though, so I need to insist on that happenibg when it's safe again.

OP posts:
Time40 · 17/04/2020 02:40

It's a 13 YO girl though, who's disabled and mentally unwell. Seems such a cold and drastic move

Poor girl. She needs the sort of help that, with the best will in the world, you are not able to provide. It might seem cold and drastic if the situation were less extreme, but this sounds right on the edge. It would be a terrible thing if your other child, or even you, ended up badly hurt.

I'm going to worry about you now, OP!

midwesteaster · 17/04/2020 02:42

You could phone the duty team in your area explain you have reached the end of your ability to cope and will be dropping your dc off at their office to put in residential care. They are likely to tell you that there is a child abandonment law and you can reply that you don't care, you have got no help from them prior to this and you will see them
In court.
If you get no further help, you can drop your dc off.
I have known this happen several times, those parents that followed through with their threats did get some support.
It is a drastic last option though so I would try getting their legal duties listed and contacting them again.
Including safeguarding for your younger dc.

Original poster
UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 02:43

@cakeandchampagne yes, she's currently on Sertraline, and was previously on Fluoxetine. Fluoxetine worked fine for a couple of years but then seemed not to... Sertraline seems to be doing nothing; in fact her OCD is through the roof.

OP posts:
Original poster
UtterlyDefeated · 17/04/2020 02:51

tillytown you have helped a LOT. Thank you for your advice .

midwesteaster I guess if all else fails then taking her there or police may be what we have to do.
Problem is she's never dressed and refuses to leave the house.

Thanks for all your advice everyone, its helped me so much more than you may think. I'm off to bed now... Please don't worry about me too much, Time40 !

OP posts:
StillDumDeDumming · 17/04/2020 02:57

Get some rest. I’m disgusted that you’re not getting more help. Her IQ may have once meant no educational needs - although that may have changed now - but she has care needs. Good luck

Time40 · 17/04/2020 02:59

OK, but please let you know if you manage to get some help.

I'm off to bed now, too - it's far too late to be still up.

AllTeaAllShade · 17/04/2020 03:01

What are her demands?

AllTeaAllShade · 17/04/2020 03:02

Sorry let me re-phrase. Any idea what the shouting/screaming is about?

Time40 · 17/04/2020 03:02

us know, rather. (Edit button now! Now MN, now!)

eaglejulesk · 17/04/2020 03:14

No advice sorry, not in the UK, but I feel deeply for you - it must be a nightmare. Hoping you get some help and soon Flowers Hugs

mathanxiety · 17/04/2020 03:39

Could you take her to your local A&E and ask for her for a MH assessment, and if they decide she needs psychiatric care, to be admitted to a psych ward? Not sure how many pediatric psych beds there are in your area though.

You and DH could wrap her in a big blanket and take her without getting dressed. It would actually aid your case for assessment and treatment if she were to present as she normally is at home.

Or call an ambulance. Paramedics could restrain her.

The shouting for all hours sounds like mania.

Yes, this is all cold and drastic. But she herself is being worn out by it too. Her medication needs to be sorted out, and she needs the medical attention, and possibly sedation so she can sleep.

WatchingFromTheWings · 17/04/2020 03:51

Regarding the suggestion of leaving her at the police station.... I have a disabled brother (cerebral palsy) who went through a phase of violence and trashing of his room. My mother was refused help (respite care) so 'threatened' with leaving him and a suitcase at the police station.... emergency respite was sorted within a couple of weeks and a more regular set up was sorted pretty quickly. It was different circumstances to yours I know, and about 30 years ago but worth considering. It was an absolute last resort for my mother but she felt she was left with no choice.

FourDecades · 17/04/2020 04:41

Was it a Section 17 Child in Need assessment that you requested?

If so refusing you was unlawful as your DD meets the criteria